Loser
by The Swordslinger
Summary: Even when life hands you nothing but trouble, you have to see two things. Either you try to think that your life has yet to start with you waking up and having things going your way, or you accept what you have and move forward. After landing in a city with his right arm no longer what it used to be after his encounter with Shinju, Naruto moves forward. Warning: possible harem.
1. Devil Blood

I OWN NOTHING

I love Skullgirls, make no mistake about it. This seemed like a good excuse to get that out.

 **XXXXXX**

"Another failed experiment…"

"It's fine. We knew that fruit wouldn't work."

"The one who got it was a strong girl, though."

"Her power really didn't measure up to it."

"True, but… the boy who is unknowingly fighting to stop her resurrection..."

"Hmm? What of him?"

"How about we change his fate a little?"

"It'd be interesting, given what power he has to stick to his beliefs."

"Exactly it. What would it be if he got a push from the worst of the worst?"

"You do know that boorish Uchiha clan have abused their gifts for too long."

"Let them fall down, after all, this is all a game to us."

"But he's kind of cute, too cute to fall to their hands."

"He is smart, after all he's been and seen."

"You could say the same of the Uchiha boy."

"He isn't needed. His lack of vision is a big flaw, he switched sides often because he could never see beyond what was inches from his face."

"True, and while the Uzumaki boy stuck to his ideals, he evolved in ways that defied his world's. Well then, let's change fate with their final clash."

"This should be fun!"

XXXXXX

"It's been a year, huh?"

At the end of the day, Naruto wasn't sure what to expect.

Obito and Madara rested in a pool of their blood after Naruto beat them. The blond's right arm was mangled beyond recognition, his heartbeat was slowing down, and Kaguya and Sasuke didn't make things easy. He could only sit at the Valley of the End, sighing at the sight of the defeated last Uchiha. The dark eyed boy's eyes had no life to them, and his left arm and most of his torso had become a pool of blood and gore.

Or rather, those were the events of a year ago. At the moment he learned to not question the changes in his life, because it was probably for the best after everything that happened. It beyond bizarre for him when he arrived to the city called New Meridian. Though, considering he fought a goddess capable of shifting dimensions, he shouldn't be that surprised.

When he woke up, he found himself in a new city. After bumping into the first officer and a quick trip to the emergency room, he had been interrogated left and right. Some good calls, people shifting responsibility about the mysterious boy found half-dead in a dark street, and no match in the files of missing people left him in the orphanage. And being sixteen years old at the time wasn't something that gained him favors.

People stared at him with curious looks. Intense therapy in the hospital didn't allow him to eat much, so he had gotten rather scrawny after losing all of his baby fat. His skin remained tanned, his birthmarks still brought attention, and his eyes kept that odd mischievous spark in them. Noticeably to him, his hair had grown and reached to his chin. Even more outstanding was what happened to his right arm.

But above all he had to be thankful for a simple fact, if he hadn't been as tough as he was then he'd be a ward of the state and that wasn't exactly a good idea for a lot of reasons.

He had seen the seedy underbelly of New Meridian at the orphanage he had been placed in. The place was little more than a training ground for the Medici mafia. Kids there were raised with utmost loyalty to the "kind" people who paid for their education, training, and upkeep. He had been considered little more than baggage by the orphanage owners, and worthless trash by the other kids for being weak.

He got his share of shitty treatment until he kicked the living hell out of the top dog there, a shoo-in to join the Cirque Des Cartes, when the said top dog tried to pick a fight with the cripple. That day he had had enough of the crap the bullies were giving him, especially when they called his mother a slag who hadn't wanted him. Their expressions were priceless when he decided to be serious.

Despite his seemingly weak frame from the extreme ordeal he went through in the war and the recovery at the hospital, he had torn through them using only taijutsu, and a crippled style at that. Following that brawl, he certainly made them back the hell away from him, but he cursed his rashness now that he had gone and showed off like he had.

He had gotten more than enough attention from the inquisitive mafia. If he hadn't been able to get away the very next day to get his own pad, he knew that stunningly attractive member of the circus would've recruited him right off the bat. And more than likely have broken him in to make sure he knew whose "kindness" he lived off of.

That Cerebella chick was hot as love, but he sure as hell didn't want to be under her care or closer to the mafia than he wanted. Part of being in an orphanage full of crooked caretakers, and about the only positive thing there, was his need for education. Mainly to do what you must to get you out of said orphanage or, in case of some places the Medici tend to visit often, to do what the bosses say.

Thus, much to his dismay, he had been enrolled to one of the city's schools.

Brushing off his pains, he made his way forward, "Just another year and I can leave school, look for a job, and perhaps a proper house rather than a rundown tenement... and get some answers of how I ended up here." He said to himself with a tired smile before shifting a long case on his back, which to anyone it'd look perfect to keep a fishing rod, or so they'd think.

He currently wore a pair of black school pants kept in place with a brown belt, brown school shoes with no laces, a white button-up long sleeved shirt with the top two buttons undone, and a black school jacket. Said jacket was worn over his right shoulder like a cape, hiding what happened to his right arm from view while his left arm rested inside its designated sleeve.

His thoughts ended when he was called, and he chuckled as he was passed by a few schoolgirls, "Naru! Naruto!" they cheered as he arrived, swarming around the slim but athletic five foot and seven inches blond.

A breeze made the jacket's loose sleeve flow along the girls' short skirts, but they didn't seem to mind as they followed him, "Hey Naru, want to walk home with me after classes?" one asked.

"Naru, you ought to eat lunch with me! I've made something good for you!" another said excitedly.

One growled, "Hey, get away from him, No Boobs!"

"Shut it, Ugly!"

"No Boobs!"

"Ugly!"

"No Boobs!"

"U-"

"Hey, where did he go?!"

The girls looked around, finding no hair or hide from the blond. Said boy sighed as he sat on top of a roof five stories away from the girls, "Whatever kind of city this is, it sure is a nice change of pace… Girls are still scary, though." He brought his left hand up to slick his hair back, then messing it again by ruffling it, "I should look for a way home or perhaps answers of what brought me here… Shikamaru would know."

Patting his face with his only hand, he shook the thoughts away and turned around to look for his school.

Along the way towards it, he grinned slightly as he saw one of the first friends he actually made in the city, one of the few friends he actually had really.

She was an extremely attractive young girl, roughly a year younger than he was, clad in the usual uniform of their school. She possessed lovingly plump thighs that many had fantasized squeezing once or twice clad in black knee high socks. Her behind was somewhat flabby but not overly so, giving her just the right amount of chunk to be squishy and soft to the touch.

Her breasts were easily her biggest attribute, being well shaped, large, and utterly nice to look at. Down her back went a black mane of hair with odd spikes and curls to it that sometimes gave off the feeling of a face to him. Her eyes were unique red orbs, filled with genuine empathy and kindness that had him stunned at first as he had never seen such sincere concern before aimed towards someone she had just met.

The two had quickly became close and he gladly took on the role of her best friend, something she had found very delightful.

"Yo!" he said upon landing behind her, getting the girl to jump a bit, her cute bowl hat also going up a few inches.

"Ah, please don't do that!" she exclaimed with a hand to her chest, taking a deep breath.

He ruffled his hair, "Sorry, I couldn't help myself. You're not like most girls here, Filia."

The girl smiled, "You're also very eccentric yourself, Naruto." Looking around a question came to mind, "No fans this time?"

"Better that way, don't you think?" he said simply, "Not to be mean, but you girls are scary or plain weird at times. At least most that I've met." He said, pulling out his only visible five fingers, "Back home there was this girl who punched me when I bothered her with dates, this cute but odd girl who followed me around, and a downright creepy sadistic lady that liked my blood."

"You've complained about them, but I'd be glad the girls here treat you better." The red eyed girl commented.

He nodded with a grim expression on his face, "Yeah, but they're kinda clingy. I mean, I don't think I'm like one of those poster boys that strike it big in the city. Or am I?"

She giggled, "You do have that harmless innocent boy look on you."

"Ugh… Can't you say I'm manly at least?" he groaned, "Like, oh Naruto, you're so heroic looking that it's no wonder girls are after you… You know?"

She shook her head with a smile, "Nope, I don't. But thank you, you're the best source of comedy I've had in quite some time."

Naruto arched a brow, "How would you know? You lost your memories, right?"

She nodded because, despite his lack of tact, she had gotten used to his outburst, and he was always well-meaning. Besides, her amnesia was used in school in far less friendly manners, at least until a friend took care of it. After recollecting her thoughts and focusing on the admittedly dim but well-meaning boy, she replied with a small smile.

"I doubt I'd ever be able to forget someone like you, even if I wanted to." She got the desired result of seeing him cringe.

"Wow… I think I actually felt insulted." He scratched the back of his head, "Or was that a compliment?"

She giggled, "Naruto, never change…"

He chuckled, "If you say so."

Looking at the school, Filia had to suppress a shudder when some girls glared at her. She felt some of their eyes gazing at any part that her shirt exposed of her stomach with disgust. Self-conscious of her weight but not ashamed, she did her best to ignore the looks. Naruto for his part remained close to her, not saying a thing, but his expression said he knew. His face did turn cold, but there was no hatred, more like irritation.

"Seriously, why are they so into you?" Filia asked.

Naruto shrugged, "I was about to ask you. Since you're the only girl that hangs with me without bringing me trouble, got any ideas of why they do that?"

Filia put a finger to her chin as she thought it over, "It is hard to tell. Maybe they do like your whole bad boy vibe?"

"Bad boy?" Naruto asked, nearly grunting, "Ugh… Is it some rumor? Something I should be worried?"

"Well, everyone knows you are the only boy to stand up to the Medici and say no to them." The red eyed girl said, "It's gotten you some popularity for better or worse. Rumor has it the big man himself wants you."

"And how does that earn me fans?" he had to ask because if the girls wanted a possible gangster he felt really disturbed by the female way of seeing beauty.

"I think that it's because you're strong, stronger than you show others." Was all she said before smiling at him, "Or perhaps it has something to do with the danger, the thrill of dating a guy whose life is dangerous. You know, like my favorite novels where a girl with a plain life finds a handsome guy who takes her on adventure. It's cliché, but, well, it's oddly enjoyable." She had a slightly dreamy look.

"Sounds like something that sage would write." He thought out loud, "Only that what you probably read isn't… Never mind." He knew mentioning details of the old man's books would get him negative friend points.

"Isn't what? Come on, tell me." She insisted, but they had already made it to school.

"If you want to talk I suggest you do so after class." Said their teacher. Mrs. Victoria was a very beautiful and serious lady with a double-breasted white suit, a black business skirt, and a teacher air around her with her baton and large hair bun. She did have a mature and gorgeous face, a rather voluptuous body that could compare to that of Canopy royalty, and a statuesque presence when she looked down at them.

She topped it all with a nice pair of reading glasses she was adjusting with a look that told Naruto she knew he had done something, "We're not late, are we?" he asked nervously.

"No, but I expect students as good as you, Filia, to not cause some rumors I've heard about." The teacher said, turning her gaze to the worried girl.

"W-What?! I haven't done anything… Nothing that I have memory of-" she squeaked in fear and worry that she may have done something prior to her loss of memories.

Mrs. Victoria's hand on her shoulder halted her rambling, "Do not worry, I am not going to believe or dismiss anything just based on mere testimony. School gossip just leads to media being a pest in the school hall. I have only heard you have been in fights lately. Now, while it is frowned upon in our school grounds, outside of them it's all a matter of whether it was to protect yourself or not."

"Oh… I haven't really fought or hit anyone." She said, not at all lying, "Besides, when I get in trouble, a friend of mine always takes care of it."

The teacher's eyes turned to the blond, making him shudder, "Care to explain?"

"Whoa, it's not like I go picking fights, and… actually, I never really got the chance to fight near Filia- ack!" he bit his tongue when noticing his slip, "N-Not like I want to fight anyone! It's just that people come at me because of my background in the orphanage."

"I see." She said with a deep sigh, "Honestly, while I am glad you two can handle yourselves or have help for such situations, I'd rest at ease if you weren't getting in things that may be over your heads."

"That's kind of the history of my life, teach." Naruto said, before wincing when she smacked her baton on a wall.

"Uzumaki, do not use such lazy slang when addressing a professor. Refer to me as your teacher. But for now, you two would do well in avoiding any more fights. Parents and the staff are worried that you are drawing attention that could harm your schoolmates." She bent her baton a bit in her grip, "Though I'll personally prove anyone who dares think they can harm my students wrong."

With that both teens sat down and classes started with Naruto wondering why in a world as crazy as the one he was things like that just seemed normal.

Oh well, perhaps a nice meal of the best soup he had tasted to give Ichiraku and his ramen some competition would help. Yes, in his time in the bizarre and dangerous city as a one-armed fighter he found a nice joint. The locals around the place were a shock to see at first before he recalled a similar – though admittedly bad – encounter. And the staff had a cute girl that was as kind as Ayame, which was a nice bonus.

When it was lunch time, the blond quickly dashed out of school with his case slung over his shoulder and a grin on his face. On his way out, he found a certain face, "Oh, are you going out for lunch too?" Filia asked with a small smile.

He returned the expression with a nod, "Sure. Care to join me? They got this awesome soup unlike anything I tasted back home."

The girl smiled, "Sure, I could use a change of pace." She admitted, looking at her stomach with a red tint on her cheeks, before shaking her head, "Perhaps on the way back we could try a milkshake at my favorite place, if you want to try something new too."

He ruffled his hair with a sheepish grin, never in his life did he think girls would be this nice to him, "How can I say no? Let's go."

Filia followed him and both made their way around the city, but one question did bother her, "So… You say you're not from this city. What was your home like?" she wanted to break the silence and get to know the odd boy better. He was a goof, but a good kind of goof.

He hummed in thought, "Well… It's kinda like the place we're going to. But it was surrounded by a huge forest." He didn't know what else to say, "I don't really remember much after being here for a year. I do know that at least while there's plenty of bad people here, I've had an easier life when it comes to fighting others. Even with one arm I can still kick ass."

Filia smiled, "And you're also very modest." She joked, getting him to blush.

"Hey, you're supposed to be sweet and tell me something about me being manly." He said with a grimace.

"I'm still not like your fans." She retorted with a playful smile, before noticing, "By the way… Your fans do ask this between themselves, but what's with that case on your back?"

Naruto's face froze for a bit before he hefted it on his shoulder, "Oh, this?" he ruffled his hair again out of habit, "How do I say it? It's perhaps the only memento I have of my house, it's also… something that hurt me. I guess the only reason I keep it around and try to make sure it doesn't break is that, well, it's been helping me ever since I arrived here. I even asked some guy to do some repairs to it and model it to my liking."

Filia nodded, "I see… But, seriously, what is it?"

He chuckled nervously while trying to think of a proper answer, "If I told you and Mrs. Victoria found out what it is I take to school with me I'd get my ear chewed out by her. That's something I really don't want to deal with… Oh, and I may get kicked out, but I really don't want to get on the teacher's bad side."

Filia puffed her cheeks cutely, "Come on, tell me, now you're just making me more curious."

"Oh! We arrived!" he said, pointing forward and dashing off, and then waving at her at the entrance. "Come on, Filia, this place has the best fish soup you'll ever taste in your life! Trust me, I know my soups!"

With a sigh of resignation, knowing he'd avoid saying much, Filia followed in the Asian style restaurant. She was amazed to find that the staff were Dagonians, half-fish and half-human people. The chef seemed to be a short, pudgy catfish with an apron, squinty eyes, a small hat, and cleavers in his hands. He was busy chopping ingredients with great concentration before placing them into a large pot.

Noticing Naruto waving at her, Filia approached him as did a waitress. The waitress was very, very cute, to say the least. She was also a Dagonian, with a long ponytail-like fin sticking out of her head. Her head and arms were covered by dark blue scales with yellow fins on her arms. Her skin was light blue, her eyes wide and colorful, her body petite and yet curvaceous, and a single apron covered her front.

Filia could only guess but the girl seemed to have a short yellow skirt underneath her apron, perhaps accompanied a blue top, but she could tell the waitress had sea shells on her head as accessories. To finish her look the Dagonian girl had white stockings and simple black shoes. Both were at the table in a moment with the waitress helping the schoolgirl sit down with a smile before turning to Naruto.

"Let me guess, you want the beef and fish soup again, right? And extra noodles." The girl said to the blond.

"Please, Minette." He said with a beaming smile.

The Dagonian girl, now identified as Minette, nodded as she wrote down the order before turning to the boy's companion, "Oh hello there, you're a new face. What can I get you?" she offered Filia a menu and stood still, "Take your time, after all, it is your first time here."

"Uh… Oh! I'll have the strawberry sundae!" Filia said before handing Minette the menu, "Uh… please."

Minette just smiled and nodded, "Don't worry if it seems odd to order that here. I suggested it when we noticed some costumers wanted more than just fish." She then turned to the blond, "Though I'm surprised you brought a friend."

He rubbed the back of his head in a mixture of embarrassment and, dare Filia say it, amusement, "Better than the usual kind of people, though. Of course, Filia's always better company than most girls at school."

Said girl giggled, "Wow, if I didn't know any better I'd think you have feelings for me."

Her teasing did get Naruto's cheeks to redden, "Come on, don't say that. The girls at school already come for me because they want some thrill. Besides, I bet any girl would be scared if they saw… well…" His left hand went to his right side where his jacket hid what happened to his limb.

Filia's eyes softened, and Minette beat her to the punch, "Then they'll be missing the cool guy that fights to keep others safe."

The schoolgirl's brows furrowed in intrigue, "So he's been fighting here."

Minette nodded with a bright grin, "He's not the only one, but after he came here listening about how we make great soup, he found some of the Medici. Those guys had been harassing us for some time, but when they saw him, well, I guess if you're his classmate you can see how it ended."

The chef at the counter scoffed, "Not like those Medici grunts change the story. I swear, it's either fights or trying to molest Minette." He held his cleaver when giving the last bit of detail with a dangerous glint in his eyes. It went to show that the Dagonian may be a chef, but he was ready to chop more than vegetables of push came to shove.

However, it didn't calm the red-eyed girl as she looked at the waitress, who shook her head to try to reassure her, "Don't worry. Ever since I'm here I haven't had much trouble but bad pick-up lines. Naruto does take care of some of the Medici every time he comes for a bowl. And then there's my friends here."

"That still… shouldn't happen." Filia said, feeling… angry, like she could and should do something, but it pained her that she wasn't doing a thing.

Seeing that, Naruto spoke, "Hey, Minette, put her strawberry sundae on me… What am I saying? Bring her as many strawberry sundaes as she wants and put them on me. And two, no, three large bowls for me."

Giggling softly, Minette left while Filia blushed, "Hey, you shouldn't do-"

"But I want to, isn't that reason enough?" he replied, before shaking his head, "Sorry, I don't know how to deal with girls and… Just take it, I can tell you need the food. Besides, I did offer you to come here, so enjoy yourself. I'd feel bad if this made you feel bad one way or another, and really, the last thing I want is one of the few people who is good to me here to be sad. So let's just eat and forget anything sad, ok?"

She nodded, smiling a bit more, "Thank you…" now she recalled why he did get popular. Even if he was a goof, and a cripple, Naruto still tried hard to be good to those that were kind to him.

At the orphanage he fought five teens at least twice his size when they were picking on a girl for a gold watch that used to be of her father. One time he spent an entire night looking for a Teddy bear through the entire city for a small boy who lost it, and found it after capturing the dog that took it. And another time, when the Medici tried to abduct a child, he pretty much sent them back to their boss with broken teeth.

That did get him trouble, yet he seemed unaffected by it. Of course, that made people wonder just how strong he really was when the boy was supposed to be a one-armed cripple. But another thing Filia had to admit was that when he tried he was a really good friend to have around. And there was nothing that'd make her want to change that.

It also made a certain person look in interest at the odd pair, "How cute… How sickeningly cute." Said a pair of lips painted green with a fake smile, "So sweet I may get diabetes… Hey you two, this the guy… Oh it's him! Hello Whiskers."

The one to speak was a beauty of a girl with a bust a cup bigger than Filia's, a natural dark skin, green hair set in a ponytail, and a very odd outfit. Her curvaceous body was kept inside a diamond themed shoulder-less dress, and her arms were hidden by white sleeves. Thigh-high black booths with the same diamond motif covered her legs, with pointy tips and skulls. She also had a purple diamond tattoo on her face.

On top of her head of natural green hair, was a bizarre orange hat with a skull brooch, which design was used for the accessories that were on her boots. She spoke to two men that had to be gangsters, no doubt. Their outfits, stances, and the way they looked at the Dagonians as if mentally putting a price tag on them gave away they were with the Medici. What also gave it away were their bruises from fighting Naruto.

"Yeah, that brat kicked three of my teeth loose when I asked that waitress for her address." One of the gangsters answered her question.

The girl sneered, "Seriously? You guys got beaten up by him? Wellll…" she stared at him carefully drawling out her next words, "He doesn't seem to have any parasite or special weapon unless that case hides something. But he is the one I've been looking for, so I guess you losing to him makes sense."

The other gangster spoke, "Hey, that girl gives me the creeps. I think I've seen her before, and… that hat and hair…"

The green head scoffed, "No time to worry. I'll get their attention and make a little number to liven up the place. You two can get the waitress for whatever job the boss needs her for. I'll take Whiskers with me, I'm sure Feng will love him."

If it wasn't obvious, the girl was Cerebella, a young lady whose innocence had been tainted by lies of the mafia. Now working as their muscle out of insane devotion, she was blind to their actions. She walked to the table while twirling her hat in one hand, listening in on the conversation as the blond and the girl ate their first plates while the Dagonian girl giggled at something.

Minette was talking to Filia, "…and he actually said something cheesy that came from this show. It was something like, 'I, Naruto Uzumaki, shall protect Minette from you and make you taste justice!' I think."

The blond boy's cheeks grew redder by the second as he ruffled his hair, "Come on, I just wanted to mess with those two for trying to grab your skirt. You don't have to make it sound so embarrassing."

"I hope I'm not interrupting something." Cerebella said as she put on her hat, "Sorry, but I have a bone to pick with you, Whiskers."

Minette's face froze in fear when seeing who it was, Filia's body tensed, and Naruto's hand instinctively went to his case. With a grin, Cerebella had her hat Vice Versa morph, with two large muscular arms the size of her voluptuous body hanging at the sides of her head. She crouched slightly with the hat's hands up, ready for battle as she threw a straight punch at the blond.

Imagine her surprise when her punch was singlehandedly parried by Naruto's hand and a wooden stick. Cerebella's eyes widened, it was a simple cane by the looks of it, a straight wooden piece with a tube shape.

"Dammit, let me guess, you're with the Medici… No, you're that crazy chick who wanted to recruit me!" He growled while keeping her back with his only arm, his only loose sleeve fluttering from the force of her strike.

Cerebella grinned, "Well, you're smart. Too bad I have to knock some sense into you. 'Pologies Whiskers, but you had to come in some time!"

She pulled one of her hat's arm's back for another punch, and watched part of his cane fall down. No, it wasn't a cane. What Naruto had in his hand was a straight, single-edged sword with a slender blade. It was a chokuto! The dark skinned girl was surprised when instead of cutting her, the boy sliced a pillar at her side clean in half. It fell down, nearly hitting her and smashing down the two gangsters that came with her.

He sighed tiredly, "Can't believe I have to use that guy's sword to save my hide yet again…" he growled before kicking up the wooden scabbard, flicking his sword hand and sheathing it fully in one swift motion. He then put the sheathed sword on his left hip, holding the blade in an inverted hold while securing it in place thanks to his belt.

Cerebella grinned, "Well, I never had the chance to fight a samurai before. You're just full of all sorts of surprises aren't you Whiskers?"

He chuckled, "Sorry, I ain't no samurai. If anything I think I'd be a ronin given how my life left me here."

Mockingly cooing, Cerebella taunted him with one of her own hands beckoning him to get closer, "Why don't I make it all better with a little nap? I promise! I won't mess you up too bad, you're way too valuable… and cute too."

He looked at her seriously, "I am done shedding tears, and even if I cry I'll wipe my eyes myself, lady. Now, what are you here for? Do you want to take me out, take me in, or get Minette?"

Cerebella cracked Vice Versa's knuckles, "A bit of column A, B, and C. Mainly B, you're the one recruit we missed having in the Cirque. I even picked out your playing card, Ten of Diamonds."

Filia inched closer to Minette, "Is she really with the Medici family?"

Minette nodded solemnly, "It's the first time they send someone like her after Naruto. I guess they finally got impatient."

Hearing that, Naruto grinned at Cerebella, "Just so you know… I'm just picturing the face your boss will make when he hears that his plans of getting me to work for him failed again." He remembered using a similar line against Obito before the fight took a turn for the worst, "All I want to think about is how mad he'll be when knowing all his efforts ruining lives are for nothing!"

Cerebella gritted her teeth, narrowing her eyes at the blond, "You will learn manners, otherwise Feng will be sad to see how your face will end up."

He sneered, "Says the girl that does his job for him. I've seen enough men like the Medici family already, using people as puppets. I bet you everything that if it were him alone, he'd try to run away."

Tired of his words, Cerebella acted instead of saying a thing. Her hat's arms grabbed the pillar Naruto sliced off and threw it at him like a javelin. Filia gasped when seeing the pillar pierce his chest and nail him to the wall. Even more surprising, the dusky skinned muscle of the Medici family also gasped at what she had done with wide, horrified eyes. It took her a second for her anger to turn to horror, and one more to return.

When the pillar fell down, it was accompanied by a log that replaced Naruto's body, "That cheeky-" the acrobat started to say, turning around only to find the boy's right shoe slamming on her face, making her see stars.

"I may have only one arm, but I still got plenty of tricks up my sleeve." He quipped.

Cerebella got up, growling as she grabbed her head, which she felt was spinning despite her grip on it, "Feng, can you get that phone so it stops ringing…?" she mumbled before shaking her head, "Ugh, you… Fine, Whiskers, if you wanna play rough then I'll take you home even if you kick and scream the whole way!"

Filia spoke up, "Shouldn't we help him?" she asked, more than ready to help, but she wasn't asking Minette or any of the clients or staff members.

Nonetheless, without knowing who the question was really directed to, Minette answered, "Don't worry, he does things like this every Monday. Though he'll have to repair that pillar himself."

Both fighters stood on their respective side, keeping their distance while staring at one another. Naruto crouched down slightly while Cerebella looked ready to break some bones. In a split second, Vice Versa's hands grabbed the floor, pulling out a large boulder from beneath her feet and throwing it into the air. What happened next defied logic. Vice Versa punched the boulder so hard it took the shape of a diamond.

Having nothing but one split second to react at the large projectile flying his way, Naruto unsheathed his chokuto, gave a step forward, and brought it down in an arc. Filia watched a golden trail of light in the shape of a crescent moon follow his swing. Cerebella gaped when her rocky projectile was split in two and fell on the floor behind the blond, who once again sheathed his sword while keeping his eyes on her.

"That's on her, right?" the blond asked Minette, who gave a nod, making him sigh in relief with some nervous sweat running down his face, "Good… because I'm not sure how much longer I can keep damage down."

The owner snapped, "Can't you just knock her out?!"

Naruto grimaced, "Easier said than done. I really hoped that kick'd have her out cold. Guess she's tougher than she looks."

"Oh Whiskers, you ain't even started to see what I can do." Cerebella cheered before jumping in the air, Vice Versa using its arms like a plane's wings to help her glide at him. Knowing only more damage would come to the restaurant if they kept fighting, and liking the soup too much, Naruto acted in a split second. Reaching into his jacket, he threw a kunai at the girl, who merely kicked it down.

Subconsciously moving like in many similar dangerous situations, Naruto gave a step forward towards the flying acrobat. Cerebella grinned as she brought back a foot, a sword shooting from her sole before she kicked forward. She had hoped to harm him just enough to knock him down, not out like a light, but still have him down. Once again, he had surprised her, this time by disappearing in a flash of yellow light.

Filia's eyes landed on the kunai he threw, an odd three-pronged throwing weapon that Cerebella landed in front of before looking left and right for the blond. Little did she know that the whiskered boy was right behind her. When the acrobat did turn around after remembering what just happened with the log, it was too late. With his sword fully sheathed, Naruto swung down the wooden weapon on her head.

This time, when Cerebella went down, she didn't get back up. Her face was twisted into a large, dumb smile while colors and figures spun around her eyes.

Sighing in relief, Naruto put his sword back in his belt, "I've seen enough." He told the dizzy acrobat, before mumbling to himself, "Though, really, relying on this sword when my right arm is… Mrs. Victoria said it was called irony, I think."

"Hey… Whiskers… I'm… still not done…" Cerebella groaned while getting up a third time with a grunt, "I still have to teach you some manners…"

Naruto shook his head, "Stop it, I don't even want to fight you. Just so you know, I really do have more tricks up my sleeve, but there's a reason I don't use them." This time his eyes turned deadly serious, "If I have to go all out, I'm afraid you and everyone in my path. That is not a threat; that is a fact."

Gritting her teeth while holding her head with one of her flesh hand, the acrobat growled, "You really I can let you walk away after what you said about Vita-"

Her words died in her throat when Naruto reappeared before her in another golden flash, his blade inches from her neck, "I'll say it again, if he wants to take me down, he better face me himself, otherwise if things get serious you and everyone he sends after me may end up dead."

With a sneer when swearing she could feel the blade's edge on her neck, the green head stepped back, "This isn't the last you see of me." She gave the ever popular all recurrent villains used when having to run off.

Sheathing his sword yet again, this time Naruto panted heavily as he clutched his right side, "D-Damn it… I can't get angry, even if it's a bastard like Vitale…" he muttered under his breath, "Calm… Calm down…"

A gentle hand on his shoulder got him to gasp, melting all of his previous anger, "Please tell me what's going on." Filia pleaded.

He gave her a weak, trembling smile as he controlled his breathing, "S-Sorry… if I get too excited in a fight or too angry, I may lose myself… I guess that's the bad boy side girls shouldn't be after."

His attempt to joke in order to make things seem of a lighter tone didn't stop her from pouting at him, "You have a lot to explain."

Grinning with some effort, he shot back, "I could say the same about you, given the fact people have seen you fight with these guys."

She blushed, looking down, "It's… It's not as bad as you, though." She tried to counter, but it didn't work.

"Don't worry, I have it under control." He replied before standing to his full height, breathing evenly once again before smiling to his classmate, "See? Nothing to worry about. But, sorry. I just use this when I fight really dangerous guys. It's been a while, but it's never caused me any trouble. Besides, you've seen me fight, I could probably beat the entire Medici with only my sword and nothing else."

She pouted even more, "Just! Just! Just don't do anything that'd get you hurt!" she said, unsure of what to really say to the stubborn boy, "I bet there's people that care about you, like Minette here and I too! If you just get yourself in trouble, then we'll worry. Right?!"

The Dagonian waitress felt flustered when the two's eyes landed on her, "I… I'd rather sit this one out, but…" she blushed even more before averting her gaze, "I would worry, yes. I mean, he may be a regular costumer, but I couldn't help but worry if a good person got hurt."

Pumping up her fists with a determined nod, Filia turned back to the flabbergasted blond, "See?! That's why you can't tell me to not worry, because there's bound to be someone to worry about you. Whether you have your memories and family or not, there's bound to be someone you're looking after or that is looking after you."

Naruto was stunned into silence, his mind unable to make a coherent sentence for a good ten seconds, "I…" And that was when the two students heard their school's bell ringing, making them stiffen and simultaneously curse, "Dammit, lunch is over!" Naruto swore before running off with Filia close behind.

Minette just stared into the distance, mouth agape, "What just… happened?"

Her boss shrugged, "Seems to me like the mood had to be killed. They were getting too sappy."

The waitress scolded the chef with her stare and voice, "Boss! They were trying to be serious, don't just… Do you even understand a girl's heart?"

The catfish shrugged, "What part of that had a girl's heart? I just saw two kids arguing over one of them being reckless."

This time Minette pouted, her cheeks puffing adorably as she stomped her foot and left, "Forget it, I shall talk with Nadia about this, at least she'll understand."

Deeply sighing, the small chef just gave up, "Ugh, it's like my father used to say… We men aren't meant to understand women from the start, we're meant to try and learn through many failures."

True words of wisdom.

 **XXXXXX**

And that's my rap!

I hope you enjoyed it. I've been a big fan of Skullgirls since it came out, and I've always wanted to do something with it. After doing my fic Pride of a loser this idea started to grow on me due to the cool one-armed samurai stereotype.

Here, as you can see, something is wrong with Naruto's right arm. He can use jutsus, but, of course, he has his own issues he will have to overcome if he wishes to help his new friends.

Also, I'm on board on the idea of Filia being a tad chunky but lovingly plumpy. As in she's not obese yet also not skinny, just the right amount of meat in her bones. Hey, I'd take a woman with some flab over skinny supermodel wannabes any day of the week.

Swordslinger out!


	2. Combat Tendencies

I OWN NOTHING

Obvious official pairing: Naruto x Filia. Possible harem girls: Carol/Painwheel (needs love), Cerebella (deserves better), and perhaps a little surprise here and there.

 **XXXXXX**

"Damn, I haven't been beaten like that in a long time! Seriously Feng, he's perfect for the Cirque!"

Flopping down in the lounge where most of her fellow acrobats and performers spent their time when they weren't on show or doing jobs for the Medici, Cerebella complained yet also seemed completely enamored. At least that's what it looked like to Feng concerning her friend's tale of the blond cripple she and the mafia had fought.

Feng was practicing balancing on the very tip of a dagger using only her toes, a technique that was equal parts showmanship as it was spectacle, since the dagger had a hundred pound hilt that anchored it firmly into the ground. She usually suffered through Cerebella's talking with patience, fortitude, and a repeated mantra of the fact that she was Cerebella's best friend.

Regardless of her misgivings towards the green haired girl's naivety regarding their bosses, she did care. For once she actually was paying attention. Naruto had been one of the most overlooked gems at the orphanage, and had been a subject of interest for the Cirque Des Cartes as a whole.

Formerly they had been considering one of the most physically powerful teenagers at the orphanage to be their newest member. Then, Naruto had been seen dismantling the hulking teenager and two others with simple hand to hand fighting. Without much effort he had efficiently broken their fighting techniques down and accurately abused the weaknesses inherent to them.

Thus, he had skyrocketed to the top of the list for new recruits.

"He's pretty popular I'll admit." The petite Chinese girl admitted, "What do you think his theme is gonna be? I was thinking he could be…"

Pumping one fist into the air, Cerebella let loose a laugh as she got up, Vice-Versa off her head and exposing her wild green hair, "He's gonna be the Ten of Diamonds! Directly under me, I'll teach him how to use one arm exclusively as a weapon!"

Feng gave off something resembling a disgruntled noise when Cerebella cut her off, when her best friend got an idea and wanted it to come true, then there was nothing or anyone who could tell her it was stupid.

The last time Cerebella got an idea like that in her head, it's what directly resulted in her losing sleep for weeks on end. They had watched a massive amount of horror movies back to back, and following that Feng had slept with one eye open, a hand on her weapons, and blood shot veins popping over her eyes due to paranoia. Damn the foreigners for making good psychological horror making her feel defenseless.

She was still jumping at shadows so obviously she wasn't 'quite' over that debacle yet. Cerebella's declaration was met with a mocking answer, but not from her.

"Really? You think a blade-master should be taught by a brute who only knows how to fight with her fists? That young man should be taught actual skill, not how to throw a punch better." In walked a woman whose theme seemed to be entirely based on the suit of spades.

She had black hair worn in an elegant style with a topknot, clad in a club themed corset, thigh high purple and green boots with spade like daggers embedded into them. She had a long cape with spade shaped cuts in its surface, gloves with puffy shoulders that were much the same as her boots along with daggers embedded into their surface. And a black colored choker around her neck completed her appearance.

Strutting towards Cerebella like she owned the room, the woman poked her rival's excessively large breasts, in her mind those things were practically udders, "Who said you could simply purloin our newest recruit there, Cerebella? You seem to forget that there's at least four of us, not counting Ringmaster Regina who could teach the young man a lot better than you ever could."

Cerebella's previous friendly demeanor evaporated and she gained an annoyed expression that bordered on hostile, "Oh hi Beatrix, still angry that you're second best? I'm in a good mood right now, and I don't need a knife fetishist like you to get me down. So why not make out like the magician you are, and go pull a disappearing act?"

Beatrix was her absolute rival, and although Cerebella had used to attempt to be friendly and companionable to her fellow Cirque des Cartes member, she had long since stopped giving a hoot. It was after repeated barbs, insults, and abuse from the knife using hussy in front of her that she decided to throw back some insults at the very least.

By now it was safe to say both women hated each other and given the chance would gladly remove the other from their sight. Feng, not wanting to get caught up in the middle of this wisely slunk to the corner and watched as Cerebella popped Vice-Versa on and pulled the cap over her eyes. This was normally to indicate she wanted a nap and was done talking to the knife wielding woman.

Sadly for the busty beauty, Beatrix had to get the last word, and dagger in for that matter as she slammed a stiletto down next to Cerebella's head, leaning over her with a dark sneer.

"Best watch yourself there milk-jugs, if you don't pay me the respect I'm due, then I'll have you cleaning latrines after I replace you as Vitale's favorite. Cerebella the toilet maid, sounds pretty fun doesn't it? I might even train that cute blondie you want to work with, dye him in a much more favorable tone than your atrocious colors. How's tha-"

Her words were cut off when Vice Versa placed one massive hand on her shoulder, and gently applied pressure to it. Beatrix's hand shot to another dagger before Cerebella moved without warning, faster than a viper's strike, with her stiletto pressed against its owner's neck.

"I'll let you off with a warning tiny. Don't fuck with me. You touch a hair on Naruto's head, insult me like that again, or insinuate that Vitale will throw me away again to my face… you'll be sorry, because when I'm done with you, they will have to put your remains into a tin-can and sail it down the river. Got me?"

Cerebella reminded the woman why she was considered one of the stronger members of the Cirque. With a simple twist of Vice-Versa holding her arm behind her back, and her own foot kicking Beatrix forward, the magician held her side with a curse while stumbling away, shamed and enraged by Cerebella showing her up again.

Tossing the dagger to the side with a huff, Cerebella leaned back again while Feng walked back over to her. "You know she's going to remember that, and will take revenge on you, no matter how petty or cruel, right? She won't kill you… yet, not until her position is absolutely ensured. Bitches like her remember every slight done to them and will do anything to get revenge."

"Tell me something I don't know." Cerebella said without turning to her friend, who sighed and replied.

"I'd tell you to watch yourself, but I think you already know how this game is played." Cerebella opened one eye, then clenched Vice-Versa's fist around a weight slowly, turning it into powdered dust.

"I didn't tell you about phase two of my plan involving our new recruit, did I? Training Whiskers is the first part, the second… kicking out that bitch the dirty way and replacing her with him. I'd love having a partner, especially someone as cute and good like him." Her smile, innocent, cheery, and kind belied the murder in her eyes, and despite herself Feng shivered in a really good way.

Cerebella was damn sexy when she got scary like that.

XXXXXX

Back in his room and with a loud grunt, Naruto plopped down on his bed. The room was small, consisting only of a desk, a bed, a closet, and barely any space to move. He at least got a somewhat proper allowance he saved until getting enough to turn a broken chokuto into his current sword. Bitter laughter used to leave his lips when thinking that the only thing he had to remember his home was that sword.

However, he couldn't keep his humor or act like things were easy. He had fought and used chakra for the first time since he had arrived. Normally he'd stick to tricks as basics as substitution or digging underground. Cerebella was a tough cookie, and he knew she wouldn't crumble after getting hit so many times, even if he did stun her. It all required chakra, and the one place he had chakra stored in was his right arm.

After throwing off his jacket, he looked at his right side, his right sleeve was rolled up to his elbow to show what happened to his limb. Deep red scars covered it entirely in scar tissue. It was horrifying and hypnotizing. To just see the way all of his flesh had turned into a reddish pink color with his fingers being nothing but sticks with meat on them. He could see the contours of his bones in each digit.

Dead was the best way to describe his arm, because it was legally dead. It should have been cut off and left to rot someplace, but it wouldn't. In that arm he had to store all of his chakra, that of the nine-tailed fox's and much, much more. Biting back a scream of agony, Naruto bit into his sheets and let out a muffled groan when his arm throbbed with pain, making it feel like blades wiggled inside his scarred flesh.

Taking a deep breath and holding his limb with his still functioning hand, he tried to hold back what was really inside it, "You're going nowhere…" he said while forcing the pain to subside. It finally started to fade, making him inhale some air in relief, "Good… I beat you… again… Wish I could cut you off and lock you in a crate in the deepest pit of the ocean, but you'd only come back to bite my ass…"

Without getting any reply, he let his right arm fall before clenching and unclenching his left hand's fingers. He looked to his right, attempting to do the same, but he got no result. He got up and his arm felt limply to his side. He shouldn't have expected it to be otherwise, especially after all he did to get his arm the way it was. If only things had been different, had he not been forced to carry it, perhaps he and Filia…

A chuckle came at that notion… She was too nice, and his arm would probably scare her to no end regardless of what she and Minette said. Still, she was really nice.

And that was when a knock came to his door, followed by a gruff voice, "Hey brat, you got a visit!" said one of the caretakers with as unfriendly a tone as expected from a Medici goon. At least they gave up trying to drug his food when they found out it was futile, and thus decided to take care of him to keep appearances with the media, much to their unending anger.

Naruto quickly put his jacket back on and opened the door to find Filia of all people. "Oh… What's up?" he asked, but she just walked into the room after shutting the door to give them some more privacy.

"I want you to get to know me better, so I can know you better…" she said with a deep blush before slowly taking off her hat, making him gulp. Was she gonna…? He wasn't ready! Well, he wanted to, but he had never thought a girl would just appear and… Should he take the initiative or-

Filia exhaled slowly, then tugged on her hair roughly, making a loud male voice come from it in a sharp yelp, "Hey! Stop that kid! I'm trying to catch some z's while you're at school with that blond doofus… Huh, so he knows now." Naruto did his best to look unfazed by the fact that Filia's hair was now moving and talking with a sharp mouthful of fangs, and two angry yellow eyes focusing on him.

He replied the best way he could, stepping back into a wall with a slack jaw and his only visible index finger aimed at her, "Y-You… You're a two-mouthed woman!" he had heard of such a thing in the lore of his village, "Huh… I shouldn't be this surprised…" he was slowly taking in what he was seeing.

"I'm… A parasite user. And this is Samson… That's not weird, right? Sorry… I didn't mean to… scare you…" Filia's hopeful expression reminded him that this was still the girl he cared about.

He put on a nervous but genuine grin and poked her nose. "Amnesiac with a living head of hair or no, you're still the same girl who was kind to me. The same one I care about and want in my life at that."

He knew he said the right words as she smiled beautifully at him, blushing as she hugged him happily. The mouth on the back of her head just made a disgruntled noise halfway between a growl and a groan while Naruto held his best friend in his arms… his left holding up his right into the embrace. When Filia finally saw the heavily scarred limb her response was what she expected, she sucked in a cold breath of terrified air.

At least she didn't run or scream, "Nasty, isn't it?" he asked while letting her see his hanging limp, "I guess it's only natural I show you my secret if you've shown me yours…"

"Damn, he's right, it is nasty." The hair parasite said, earning himself a yank from Filia, who in turn also winced.

However, she put on a serious face, "It's not bad, it's just something that happened to him." She reprimanded her hair before looking at the limb once again.

"Mine's a long story, but I bet so is yours." He said with a nod at Samson, "So… Does he eat for you?"

The deep voiced parasite huffed, "That's really your first question about this? Why not explain your long story? But… yes, I do eat, but not for her. And no, before you ask if she craps for m-"

A bright red faced Filia clamped her hand on her partner's mouth, "D-Don't mind him, please…" she breathed in deeply and spoke up, "I guess I'll go into details, since I showed you my secret first."

"Please do." He said while offering her a seat on his bed.

She sat by his side and spoke, "You and many know I have amnesia. Well, one day I woke up with no memories, and found my hair talking to me. That's when things just became surreal to me."

"Been keeping her safe ever since." Samson added, "We're looking for the kid's memories along the way, and we got some ass to kick. She's also been thinking about asking you for help."

"My help? But for all you know I could be working for the Medici and trying to use you… Oh, so that's why you want answers." He would feel disappointed if that was the case. At least it was best if she had that in mind rather than trust him blindly.

Filia blushed again, waving her hands energetically, "No, of course not! I heard you were strong and kind, and always did wonder if you could help me, but I never asked in case you could have gotten hurt, and…"

She trailed off, not knowing what else to say, so Samson continued, "We're here now, though, may as well ask for your help in finding clues and… to see what you can do with anyone in our way."

Filia nodded, "It's… not easy to be a parasite user, not to mention there's always dangerous people in this city. That is why, I'd like your help above all."

He looked down at his dead arm and sighed, "I'm not that good, Filia. You see, before I arrived here I had to fight horrible people. They all ruined my life one way or another. Three of them controlled it to make me a puppet, and another tried to kill me for their dream. I don't know how or why, but when I fought them I just… didn't hold back. It cost me my arm and their lives. That is why I don't want to go all out."

Samson arched a brow at his limb, "That's no normal arm, alright. It's almost like a parasite…"

Naruto chuckled, "It may as well be. What it does is bring me problems if I lose control. That is why I have to fight the way I do, otherwise you wouldn't like to be around m-"

Filia hugged him, ending his sentence and reddening his cheeks, while hers also gained some color, "I wouldn't be here if I didn't want to be near you. So, what do you say? Want to tag along?"

He grinned, "Of course, don't ever doubt it!"

The two smiled at each other, feeling how a beautiful friendship was born. Perhaps something more, Samson deduced, with how they inched slowly towards each other.

XXXXXX

After a good night sleep, though yawning into his hand while trying to get to school, Naruto felt refreshed. Talking to a girl, getting to know her secrets while telling her his own, and then having something to do that felt right about it… It felt good, the idea of helping a friend and being able to do something for them, no matter how small it may be. At least helping Filia felt like something he could do.

With a shake of his head, he cleared his thoughts, "Maybe it's a second chance. This time it's not about doing things for someone that wants me dead for a twisted dream." He hefted the case in which he had the sword with a frown, before it softened into a small smile, "I can actually help someone who is nice and wants my help. Sure feels nice…"

Speaking of nice, "Naruto!" Filia said as she dashed to his side, hat on top of her pretty head, before walking at the same pace as him.

Widening his smile slightly, he ruffled his hair to get it in just the right way of it looking like a spiky mob, "Good morning. So, what kind of clues are we supposed to look for first?"

Filia was about to reply, but a voice echoed from her hat, "Wherever we haven't checked yet. Actually, let's go to the casino, there's bound to be info deal-"

"The only kind of dealers you're looking for are the gamblers." Filia scolded her parasitic partner with a hand on her hat to muffle him, "Sorry about that, Samson just loves to gamble and bluff."

Naruto blinked, mentally picturing Filia seated on a poker table with her back to the others while sipping a strawberry milkshake while the head on her, well, head, used her hair to hold cards. "I can imagine someone he'd have loved to meet. She was a big gambler, but man she always lost big amounts of cash fast."

Samson giggled in the hat, "Sounds like my kind of dame… to play against…"

"No casinos." Filia said, "Not after the last one. You not only managed to get me in despite the fact I'm a minor, you did so by making the manager think I was a guy crossdressing."

"It's called cosplay, and it worked well! Easiest game in my life!" the parasite cheered.

Naruto could only just stare, before an idea hit him, "Actually… the Medici have info of everything and everyone for blackmail or henchmen." He recalled how annoyed they were that his background was nonexistent in the big city, "If you want clues for your memories, we could rough them up. It could also help get them off my back if I crack a few skulls."

"Are you serious?" she wasn't sure her friend should get that involved or that much in trouble for her.

He didn't hesitate to reaffirm his words, "I've been thinking about it, if those guys are the ones causing trouble I may as well have to find where and how to hit them to get them off my back. Besides, the things they do already ruin a lot of lives. This just gives me an excuse to finally head in and fight."

Samson would have stared at him with an arched eyebrow, "Why didn't ya do it already, then?"

Gripping his right side with a weak grin, Naruto replied, "Because I know they got some muscle on them, and I don't want to use my hidden tricks too often. I always thought that if I had to fight them, I'd need to either learn how to control it, or get myself a partner."

Filia grew worried, "Have you managed to really keep it under control?"

He shook his head, "If I use a large fraction of my power my arm will go crazy. It takes me some time to keep it under control, and if things get too out of hand I wouldn't want to be in this city stuck with me."

"What is with your arm, anyway? You never told us." Samson said.

Letting go of his heavily scarred limb, Naruto replied, "I've got someone like you in my arm, Samson. But bigger, nastier, and with no restraint. I had to fight it before, and without trying or even knowing what it was doing, it just destroyed an entire village." He sighed, "Its name is Shinju, and every time he's been unleashed he became nothing but a monster hell-bent on destroying everything."

Samson whistled in amazement, "Geesh, that's rough."

Naruto chuckled, "It's good, I can fight with my own strength instead of relying on it, and I can use a bit of its power for short periods of time. I can't really abuse it, though."

Filia nodded sadly, "It sounds a bit like the side-effects of having a parasite, but… far more dangerous."

Naruto gave her a small grin, "I don't know. I'd be unable to cope with losing my memories, bad as they were. Though you got a cool partner."

"Don't butter me up, kid." Samson said, "I'm still not sold on the idea of you being our partner, but if it helps us in the long run I won't complain. Simple as that."

Frowning yet again, the plumpy schoolgirl reprimanded her partner, "Samson, you don't have to be so rude."

Each of the odd trio's members had a line ready to be said, but couldn't get it out. Before they crossed the street to their school, a large and luxurious limo appeared. The vehicle just stopped dead in its racks before them without even a slight screech. Stepping out of the car was a familiar gigantic anthropomorphic hawk in a suit wearing a pair of glasses and a fez.

"We've found him, ma'am." The hawk man said as another anthropomorphic creature stood out of the vehicle, also wearing a suit, but this one was a jackal.

Both were also really buff, like heavyweight boxers, which put both high school students on edge.

"Well done, Horace, Albus. My, my, it seems he is quite lovelier than that old man was ready to admit." Said the bird man's boss as she stood out. "To think all that charity money fed this one of a kind boy…"

Before them was a diva with beautiful dark skin that was foreign even among New Meridian. Her statuesque aristocratic features showed true nobility and regality. She also had a silky black bob of hair, rich and intelligent light blue eyes that roamed over his body in an unashamed leer, and delicate red lips curled into a loving smile. And that was only her face.

Her body was the kind that drove men to madness and women to jealousy with two large heaving breasts contained if barely behind a black evening gown with gold lining. An ankh like tie circled her waist, a circlet was worn over her head, her thighs were of a much more slender yet still very thick quality to Filia's, and of course her backside was just as succulent as those thighs.

Yet despite her beauty, despite her loveliness, and incredible soothing voice fit for lounge jazz… Naruto felt shivers run down his spine as she extended a hand, and cupped his cheek gently.

He moved her hand aside, "Ok lady, if you're looking for me you're either looking for pleasure or trouble. What's your deal?"

Smiling coquettishly, the woman stood to her full height and looked down on him, "The first, without doubt. I was told by an old acquaintance of mine of a beautiful child with many talents and great strengths. Imagine my surprise when the boy is said to be an orphan with no known past. Color me intrigued indeed, but also enraptured by the rumors behind your feats of might."

There was something wrong, oh so very wrong. Just being near her made his right arm feel… at ease. It was like her very presence was not only drinking in his appearance but draining the pain. He didn't know what was worse, the fact his instincts told him she was dangerous or that the demon in his arm felt like he had been tamed by her presence alone.

He decided to be a smartass, though, "Sorry, I think I'm a bit too young for y-" he froze when she caressed his cheek yet again, locking her eyes with his. There was definitely something wrong with her, he felt so at ease just by her caress. He couldn't even pretend he knew what it was, but just the way she got closer made his right arm hurt less.

"No need to be so defensive. After all, I am interested in having a son. Not once have I ever seen eyes like yours, or felt so soothed by another's presence. I do wish for you to let me drive you to school." She said.

Seeing as she'd never take no for an answer, and also being intrigued by what her ulterior motives could be, Naruto nodded, "Fine… Filia?"

Said girl stood right by his side, keeping as much composure as she could in front of the intimidating woman. With a slight curl of her lips, the woman let them into her vehicle, "We have so much to discuss, you and I, my boy. Who knows? Maybe after this you'll be happy to walk out of that orphanage once and for all sooner than you'd expect."

Narrowing his eyes, the blond spoke back, "You're just talking like I already said yes, lady. All I've ever agreed on is a ride to school."

Keeping her smile despite the reply, the woman retorted elegantly, "But I know many things you probably didn't. Oh, I can just tell from being near you that you're very, very far away from home."

Tension settled in the air as both high school students looked at her with cautious glances, "I've already said that many times ever since I was shoved into that forsaken orphanage."

Leaning in her seat, the woman replied, "Just think on it, sweetheart, do you expect me to be fooled easily. You are beyond unique among many here. Why, the reason I am offering you to come with me home as my son is because I can help you." She pointed a finger to his right side, "After all, that arm of yours will most likely get out of control. Blood boiling, vessels tearing, it's like it just wants to burst out and run rampant."

Feeling unease yet unwilling to let the woman just get things how she wanted, Filia spoke, "If you can help him, then you must want something in return, right?"

Frowning ever so slightly, she replied to the girl's accusations, "My, my, so rude even if I agreed to let you in. But I can see your point. Let me assure you, though, I've heard of Naruto from my charity work, but it is by meeting him here and now that I see what he is that I want him. Like I said, little girl, I do know many, many things. Including information of what that thing in his arm really is and ways to contain its power."

A tap on the glass from the driver's seat alerted them of the jackal speaking, "We're at the kid's destination, boss."

The limo stopped and the two students saw themselves out, but not without listening to the dark skinned woman's voice, "Do consider my words, Naruto. I shall see you soon to make sure you understand the benefits of being my son. Have a nice day, dear."

Both Filia and Naruto could tell their day had gotten more dangerous. "And she didn't even give us her name." Naruto dully affirmed.

Filia blinked, "I'm surprised you haven't. That's Eliza, a very famous singer. Seriously, she does give charity money to some places."

"What does she sing?" he asked, curious.

"Lounge music."

"Oh… that kind of music tends to put me to sleep." He admitted sheepishly.

Filia sighed, "Let's just get to school."

In the limo, though, the woman leaned back with one leg crossed over the other, "I'm amazed that old coot managed to keep such a gem hidden. To try to put him in that circus, though, now that is one repulsive idea. Why, with some proper training he could be a good host or butler."

The hawk, Horace, spoke up while adjusting his glasses, "Are you sure about his arm, ma'am? To think there could be the power of another Skull Heart in him is quite a terrifying thought."

She shook her head, "No, it's far different from the Skull Heart. Dare I say it, it feels rougher, like an unfinished product. If I could feel it by first glancing at him so easily, there's no mistaking it."

Albus, the jackal, commented, "We did do our job, we investigated the kid to try to find weaknesses. I doubt the Medici will stop crawling up our backs like the fleas they are that easily, though."

Her eyes narrowed, "Narrow-minded fools like them fail to grasp what he really has. If it weren't for my playtime in that orphanage, I wouldn't have found clues. But to think, not only would that boy have such power, but that a girl as meek as that would have Samson with her… Hmm… fate does work in odd ways."

"What would you your plan, then, ma'am?" Horace asked, getting her to smirk cruelly.

"We shall follow his every move and make a little acquisition. If that idiot Vitale thinks we'll hand him over to Lorenzo, he'll have another thing coming. I shall play the whole adopting act like a natural to fool him into thinking I'll get him to work for me and thus for him. He won't know that my new son shall unleash a power wilder than that of the Skullgirl to take him down in my name."

Albus nodded, but had a question, "How will you get that kid to do that? He may look like he was dropped too many times as a kid on the head, but he wasn't afraid to put up his mitts."

Wagging her finger, the amused woman answered calmly, "Who says I won't teach my new son some discipline? It shall be like getting a new puppy to teach him what people to bite when they're mean to Mommy. I'll be sure to raise him up into a powerful man… Ah, is this motherly love?" She placed a hand on her cheek, smiling warmly as an actual blush came over her features for a few moments.

Albus nodded, "So, the orphanage is next, right boss?"

"I'll make the call with the Medici to get things running smoothly." Horace said.

Eliza giggled softly into her hand, "Oh do I love it when things go so well. With that boy as my child, that bag of bones will know true fear. Why, I may actually keep him as a cute pet."

XXXXXX

After classes, Naruto and Filia walked to the orphanage together, getting some mixed reactions from onlookers.

Putting on their serious faces, the two looked ahead, "It's gonna be a trap. That witch… her smell of blood is too sickening." Samson told the two.

"Whatever happens, I need to know what trick she used with my arm." Naruto said, "It may either help me keep it under control, or I may have to destroy it if things go south."

Filia pumped her fist at his side, "Don't worry, we've got your back. After all, if you're going to get into trouble because of me looking for my past, the least I can do is help you with your own troubles."

He was taken back by the girl's care for him, he really was, but they had already made it to the orphanage. "I… smell something awful…" he whispered before looking into the gates of the building.

Covering her mouth with her hands, Filia watched in horror how three adult bodies rested at the lobby. Naruto ground his teeth at the sight of the caretakers' corpses, with their skin dried up and shriveled. He may be ready to fight any kind of scumbag, but even he had limits. The smell said they were still fresh, for he could smell blood and the air was oozing an aroma of death that he could almost taste.

Briefly glancing at each other, Naruto and Filia readied themselves for battle. Samson's jaws snapped and tendrils of hair wiggled for any kind of action. Naruto instantly put his sword on his left hip and moved in. A step in rewarded them with a stronger stench of blood, like it just intensified. Everything just screamed bad news in the orphanage, from the silence, to the lack of movement, to the darkened halls.

No child could be seen, either because they were at school or in a horrible situation none of them wanted to guess. The silence was so tense that if a pin was dropped it'd make their ears ring. Not to mention, all lights had been smashed to cover everything in darkness. Last but not least, there were clear signs of a fight in the place with the way the bodies were sprawled like someone or something shot them out of a cannon.

Only one question remained, "Why is there no blood?" Filia had to make the question known as she stood by his only open side, looking to her right while he investigated his left.

"I think I've seen something like this in a cheesy horror movie." Naruto said, "Well, not really, but something that caused it. Lemme think… It had this cool actor, Peter Cushing, hunting Christopher Lee as some evil count that drank blood… I kinda dozed off when they explained some bits but the count could be killed with sunlight."

Samson grumbled, "Damn, that's good movie and he doesn't have the taste to appreciate a classic."

"Freeze!"

Out of instinct, both teens stopped moving and raised their visible limbs, with Naruto's right arm still hidden. With a grunt, Samson shut his eyes and mouth tightly to make sure to remain hidden as Filia's hair, "It will all be fine, you two, just don't do anything that'll get you in trouble." The parasite said with a grumble, "Even if it'd be better to knock them out, I don't want the kid to be a wanted criminal."

His voice was thankfully unheard by the incoming people, who swiftly put a pair of handcuffs on Filia to have her arms on her back. Naruto for his part watched as a stern looking young man with gray hair, a fancy green military suit complete with fancy coat and tie, and a couple grenades appeared and cuffed his only arm to his right one. The two teens then had to face the one that told them to stop moving.

After a year of living in New Meridian, he'd have to be an idiot to not recognize who it was. Tall, redhead with a long mane of hair and a bang covering half her face, burning amber eyes, and a body that could bounce marbles. To top it all off, she wore a dress/sweater outfit that hugged her curves and large breasts and behind, while showing her toned abdomen. The parasol in her hand gave away who she was.

Princess Parasoul of the Canopy Kingdom had made her entrance, and she did not look pleased, "Two kids? Are you telling me these are our suspects for this massacre, Adam?"

The gray haired man nodded, "I can't believe it either, but one of them is armed." He said motioning to Naruto's sword.

Nodding to the man, the princess spoke, "Adam, look at them. Their clothes say they must have arrived earlier than us, give about ten to fifteen minutes. The states the… bodies are in suggest they were killed a couple or perhaps three hours ago. Despite the smell, I guess evidence says that these two were most likely at classes when whatever happened drained these people of blood."

Naruto gave a big sigh of relief, "I don't know who made you princess, but I'll thank whatever listening deity that you are."

The young woman merely nodded, keeping a stoic but slightly softer face, "Be thankful you aren't covered in blood. If you had been, I'd have drawn different conclusions like you playing hooky to do this, Naruto."

He blinked rapidly in surprise, "You know my name too?"

Parasoul nodded, crossing her arms, "I've heard of a certain young boy taking care of himself when the Medici were involved. I didn't look into it since you seemed to do a good job. I was honestly considering offering you to be a recruit for my Black Egrets in your next birthday."

Filia was beyond amazed, "W-Wow… that's Canopy's royalty for you, so methodical!"

Parasoul nodded before turning to her subordinates, "Release them at once, we shall clear any misunderstandings later after we run a thorough investigation."

Adam nodded before freeing the teens, "Sorry about that, it's protocol."

Naruto waved his wrist, "Heh, no worries, I'd probably have fought whoever did this at the drop of a hat had I caught them red-handed." He then looked at the princess, "So I already got a job offering, neat."

"And future lessons in manners." Adam said, frowning at his lack of tact before royalty.

"No need to be so strict, Adam. They're technically still kids." The princess said with an aura that said she knew her way around children, "Besides we all have answers we need to make while our troops properly inspect every nook and cranny."

"My apologies." The man said, bowing respectfully to the redhead.

"Do not worry. Anyway, what can you two tell me?" she finally asked.

Filia was the first to reply, "Not more than you can see. We just arrived here to discuss something."

"And I live here… Or lived…" Naruto said, shuddering at the sight, "I will never sleep in my bed after this."

One of the Black Egrets appeared, putting his right hand over his gas mask in a salute, "There's thankfully no casualties regarding the children. Everyone seems to be accounted for outside the perimeter or at school."

"How fast are you?" Filia asked.

Parasoul narrowed her eyes, "We did get some information I can't divulge, but since it does involve you…" she looked at the blond, "We put a mic on the Medici. Orders of an attack to some unknown party. We tried to act right on time but just to keep us busy we had a run in with some of their men. It doesn't seem like their modus operandi, but I can't rule it out."

Hardening his features into a scowl, Naruto spoke, "Whoever did this has to be really sick and twisted."

"Good afternoon." Said a now familiar face flanked by two tall anthropomorphic animals, "Sorry for the intrusion, but I came here to ask if I could meet my darling new son. I saw the soldiers outside and couldn't help but worry. Is he safe and sound?"

One of the soldiers spoke, "Isn't that the idol Eliza? Damn, she's better looking in person." Parasoul made a mental note to have a talk with that soldier while her eyes turned to the woman. The princess made a second mental note to talk to whoever let her into a crime scene.

"I assume you have some questions you wish to make, and answers we want to listen to." The princess said, as always very business-like.

With a sultry smile, Eliza nodded, "Why yes. After all, I did come here often to donate money from my charity work." She looked at the chaos while the bodies were put in large black bags ready for the morgue, "But I never expected such a thing to happen. My, to think I was just talking to these people to adopt the boy I knew would make me feel like the most wonderful mother in the world."

"That'd be me." Naruto said, mostly to Parasoul.

Getting the hint, the princess turned her attention to the singer, "I'll have to ask you several questions, then. This is all too big of a coincidence to put anyone at ease."

Eliza nodded, keeping her cool, "Please do what you must. After all, I did arrive to discuss the proper paperwork for the adoption just today."

The princess tensed, "So you were the last person to see these people alive. I am guessing these two weren't here, were they?" she motioned to the two teenagers.

Eliza shook her head, "Of course not, all the children were at school. It was only the staff members and I. After talking about it, we decided to let me meet my future son after he arrived from school, but as you can see, this is quite the surprise."

"You don't seem that much shaken." Parasoul said, hands on her hips.

Closing her eyes briefly, Eliza replied without missing much of a beat, "When you're in show business, you do see and hear your fair share of drama. Trust me, Your Majesty, the things you've seen in a crime scene are nothing compared to what's behind curtains."

"And yet you decided to adopt this one boy?" the princess wasn't letting her off that easy.

Nodding with a smile, Eliza responded charmingly, "His strength had me intrigued when I heard of what he could do. I thought he'd be a dashing bodyguard if he grew up, and then, well, a little further investigation had me enraptured. Maybe it's my age, maybe it's those lonely nights at home, or maybe it's my womanly instincts, but I just found him to be a boy I wanted as a son. Is that so wrong?"

Seeing as so far she had nothing but baseless accusations, the princess crossed her arms and took a more defensive approach, "I see. It is true many women do have that instinct to hold someone close, but you were still here right before the murder took place."

Eliza gasped in surprise, perfectly acted, "Why, Your Highness, what are you getting at?"

Nearly smirking inwardly, Parasoul kept a stone cold face as she spoke, "I was just commenting on the fact you are our only witness, and thus we'd have to interrogate you about possibilities for this crime. As far as I know, this could have happened because someone didn't agree with that plan, so you could be in danger and thus you wouldn't be fit to have the boy. Why? Did you have something else in mind?"

While Eliza didn't give any visual reaction, her assistants did tense up at the princess' wit, "Oh dear, so could someone be really that interested into getting this poor boy for themselves? I don't believe there could be anyone with a grudge against me. Despite the occasional criticisms to my music I tend to get, none have ever gotten to such an extreme."

Seeing the woman wouldn't bulge an inch, Parasoul turned to the two teens, "Whatever may have happened, we can't let them stay here or go anywhere. We will have to run through the records, find the children a proper place to stay, and even then, who knows what the Medici will do next?"

If Naruto could compare the back and forth between women it was like watching two generals send their troops around the other's fort. Eliza was a pharaoh, commanding fierce warriors ready to die and kill for her, and Parasoul was a Greek empress, with countless soldiers following their ruler's strategies. It was obvious that none of them wanted to give in, while looking for openings.

Thus, it should have come as no surprise that Eliza had her own routes to the enemy's strongholds to assassinate the empress, "Why not let him come with me on his own accord? After all… If it's true that people could be targeting him, they would come after you first for answers. No one would expect the boy to be with the woman that wanted to adopt him. Of course, if he so desires."

Now the image before Naruto was of a woman playing against a twisted female dealer in a Black Jack table. He could only see Parasoul's cards in her hands as she slammed them down, but the house's hand couldn't be beat. Even Filia's own mind, after dealing with her partner's gambling, could see it. Parasoul had her cards still in her hand, but crumpled and ruined while Eliza flashed her a smile as she took the chips.

However, in that same metaphor, Parasoul was more than ready to bet even more, placing even more chips on the table, "Even if you had your assistants to keep you safe, what you said were true, and there was no other choice… I can't just let this boy go with you like that. Not without you telling us what happened here and to confirm if it was before or after the time of death."

Eliza gave the princess some cards, smiling to herself, "I do believe I arrived at nine o'clock, talked with the owners of this place, and left at ten to arrive in time for a little concert I had at eleven. You can ask my adoring fans and the people who owned the theater of my timely arrival."

"She appears to be telling the truth." A soldier said as he reported in, saluting towards the princess, "We've found some documents that show she did apply for an adoption of the boy and that the process started at nine fifteen. And… we've got reports from the coroners." He showed the redhead a file which she read with wide eyes.

"Time of death… eleven o'clock." In the big game, Eliza had taken the last of the princess' chips to herself.

Eliza could only smile, "Oh good, I'm so glad that can clear any doubts of my involvement here. While I'd love to testify, I'm afraid I know no further details but those regarding my attempts to adopt a wonderful boy. But, of course, it is his own choice whether he wants to follow me or go with you."

"If that's the case, can I finally speak up." Naruto said, looking at the two women before glancing briefly at a worried Filia, "I… will go with you."

Filia's eyes widened when her friend walked to the sinfully delighted Egyptian woman, "Dear child, you've made me oh so happy." The singer said.

Naruto held the wooden handle of his sword tightly, "I'm just curious about a few things you said. Besides, if anything happens, I can take care of myself. Medici or whatever, I can take care of it."

Parasoul could see it in his eyes, he wasn't over-confident or cocky, this was a boy that had fought a thousand unfair battles in his life and knew what he was saying. Nay, he was a man that knew more of battles than some of her Egrets, perhaps even more than Adam. Now she knew her idea to have him as a young recruit in her forces was a good one.

With a sigh, she conceded, "I will allow it, so long as we can keep contact in case we need to clarify new information while someone keeps a good eye on you in case another attack happens."

Eliza smiled, having expected such things, "Of course, I won't mind. After all, I will want my new son to feel safe and sound."

"I'll go with him." Filia said, standing next to her friend, "I may not look like it, but I can fight. I cou-"

"Absolutely not." Parasoul said, "What I want is to minimize danger, and you could become an obstacle to whoever arrived here, something to take out of their way."

Eliza made her way to Naruto with a sultry smile, "Worry not, little girl, he'll be well taken care of in my hands."

Just the way her fingers traced over his right shoulder made his spine tingle. He didn't know whether it was in fear or pleasure, but he could tell she had some trick up her sleeve. Filia could only stare and see, after the soldiers and their princess couldn't progress any further, how Naruto left in the singer's car. Feeling like she had watched her friend enter into the gates of Hell, she followed swiftly after.

She knew that the one accompanying Naruto was no woman, it was a monster.

 **XXXXXX**

And that's my rap!

Next chapter, things will get pretty crazy and downright bizarre. If you are smart, you'll play the song Roundabout by YES at the end of this fic's chapters.

Swordslinger out!


	3. Skull Heart Crusaders

I OWN NOTHING

I know some of you want to know the full harem, so be patient. I still call the shots here and nothing will change my mind.

 **XXXXXX**

Inside the limo, Naruto merely watched streets pass by, Black Egrets merging with people as they followed in closely from behind, and heard Eliza humming to herself as she sat right in front of him.

"I can't be happier to have you here, but I believe it is for an ulterior motive." She started, looking at his right arm, "Curious about how I can sooth the pain of your arm?"

He merely nodded. He had waiting long enough for an explanation, and he wouldn't waste time saying the bloody obvious.

Eliza just smiled, "It's my blood." She said, showing him one of her claws dripping a single drop of the red liquid, which she then licked clean off by extending out her tongue, nearly mewling as she did, "Hmm… It may not seem like much to you, but I do have a few secrets to keep this beauty. My blood has few limits, and injecting it in you when we first met was too easy."

Naruto tensed up, just with a touch, then… "So meeting with Filia and I before school, going through the trouble of meeting the staff at the orphanage, was to get more of your blood in me?"

Eliza nodded, crossing one leg over the other deliberately slowly, "I can feel that arm of yours just pulsing with madness, hatred, and pure unrivaled bloodlust. That thirst for carnage is something no creature or being has ever harvested. Almost as if countless people's pure hatred had merged into one negative being through more blood and death than I can imagine."

He showed her his mangled arm, making her eyes actually widen before he asked, "How do you do it, then? To keep this thing inside me so calm like it just forgot everything everyone did to create it… it should be impossible. When I first dealt with it, this monster, Shinju, was consumed by over four centuries of rage caused by wars and the ambitions of a clan I had to kill to take it down."

Nearly giggling, Eliza answered, "It's because you made it a part of yourself. By putting that being inside of you, it's no problem for my blood to travel deep into your arm and keep it properly educated."

This time Naruto tensed, seeing Eliza's smile, "You-"

With a wave of her hand, Eliza had his body slam down while a red slick glove covered his deformed limb. Soon the glove took a shape the likes of his hand before his final battle, but blood red. He gasped as he felt cold, like the crimson wrapping around his arm was cooling off the heat inside it. It was like dipping his skin heavily stung by bees into ice cold water.

"Calm down, boy, otherwise you may heat up too much, and where will you be, then? Consumed by the monster you tried to seal there?" she moved closer to him, running one finger on his chin while he glared at her, "You've got far too pretty eyes to let that thing take over you or even worse, kill you by breaking free. But worry not, for so long as you're my son your precious mother won't let it harm your pretty hair."

"This blood… I recognize the smell…" he growled, hatefully staring at her while she played with a lock of his golden hair, "It's the blood of the people at the orphanage… You killed them!"

She smiled wider before lifting him up with a single hand which cupped his chin, "They would have modeled you into a servant to the Medici or let some of their henchmen like that Black Dahlia or Cerebella take you to them, beaten and bloody. Would you like that, dear boy? To be their little trained mutt? Or would you rather be tended and nursed by a woman that desires you as her loving son?"

His glare intensified before, much to her shock, he chuckled, "What're you saying…? I should be thankful." He gripped his sword and, surprising her even further, stabbed his arm at the elbow, "With you keeping this damn monster shackled, I can finally get rid of him and fight him!"

Without hesitation, without wincing, without even twitching, the blond pushed the blade down and completely cut off his possessed arm from the elbow down. Eliza just watched with her jaw hanging loose how the blood that contained the now cut off limb shuddered and fell into a puddle, which Naruto's own started to drip into. However, she could see life in the arm, which showed spasms of life.

In a heartbeat, she used her blood to lock the limb yet again, keeping it immobile, "What did… How- Why?!" no proper question could come up after what she just witnessed.

Naruto grinned while clutching his bleeding stump, "I may not have thought it well, but you know, don't you?" he asked while forcing himself to stay on his feet, "If you let Shinju out for even a second, you're dead. You know, and I know it. That is why you made it easy, too easy to just cut off my arm. Because you know that without me as its vessel, it will run wild and kill everything and everyone, you included."

Gritting her teeth for a second, Eliza had to admit she admired the boy's guts and thinking, so much she actually gave him a nasty and very sly smirk, "I feel like we're family already, dear boy. But what you say is true, that monster is far too dangerous to let loose. But you said you are its only vessel, and I can see and feel it. Your blood says so, your body is the only proper container for this monster."

He unsheathed his sword, ignoring his current blood loss, "You aren't taking me, lady. And I'll make sure to kill that thing before taking you to the princess so you can really answer for what you did."

Eliza's smile grew, and soon a sharp row of fangs appeared out the corners of her mouth, which literally split her face like a Glasgow smile. Now the blond could see that beneath the woman was a real monster, and that was no metaphor or analogy, it was a literal monster.

"You won't get away from me, dear boy. You've only made me want you that much more as my new assistant and pet. Perhaps some proper training shall do you good just like that…" she licked her lips with a long feline tongue, "I could skip to the fun and use your flesh and blood for a new vessel. A little princess or prince, and have you all to myself."

Naruto had read enough of Jiraiya's writing to know what she meant. He may have been thick when girls like Hinata were involved, but the sensuality of the woman's words reminded him of a chapter in which Jiraiya decided to get into darker themes. No way was he mistaking that. Jiraiya had called it a yandere, and admitted he had been pretty much drunk off his ass when he came up with it.

Of course, he knew things shouldn't go exactly like the book, in which the young ninja hero had to endure the rough sexual intercourse with the female villain, escape, and return to his harem of beauties. He knew that the moment the singer got what she wanted she would do things like the alternate ending, in which the drunk Jiraiya contemplated having the villain stab the hero in the chest once she had his seed.

He had also mused in a drunken stupor that there was a third option, that he'd spend the rest of his life at the villainess' bed side, used as little more than a sex slave and being turned into her loving husband. With the woman in front of him, he had no idea which of the three options she wanted most. As much as that thought excited him to figure out just what she had planned, he didn't want to stick around if things got icky.

Eliza approached him with a sway on her hips, "What'll it be, boy? Business or pleasure? I can do both if it's needed."

A flash of white and black made the decision for him, "I take option three!" which was the hero's choice in the fully published book – though in this case Naruto wouldn't go through being chained to Eliza's bed.

With a lighting fast slash, he had cut up the limo in two. Albus and Horace yelped as they sped forward while the back side of their half of the limo slid on the ground behind them. Sparks of metal on the concrete flew while the two assistants tried to steer the wheel. Eliza for her part grabbed on to her seat while she and Naruto skidded to an abrupt halt, but not before a certain figure leapt and got a hold of him.

Naruto smiled as Filia, with Samson on her head morphing into a winged bug, held him in her arms close to her body while Eliza and her assistants collided against the side of a building.

"Are you- You're bleeding!" before Samson could question if Naruto was insane or not, and was seeing proof to believe he was, he also had to voice the bloody obvious mess that was his now missing arm.

Naruto chuckled weakly, "I figured… But please, get me somewhere, fast… I won't be able to fight long like this… and she's really stubborn…" An explosion of blood heralded the onset of his fear, making both swivel around to see Eliza rising up from the wreckage of her car, her back turned to them.

Slowly she turned her around, fire rippling over her body and making her skin seem to slough off in blood soaked heaps. Her face despite missing half its cheek and having one side of her mouth burnt off was slowly healing up, becoming unblemished features blushing slightly from arousal and love.

"Ah… What mother would not be without a rebellious child? You are truly the one man I want in my life. You think I'd kill you? A unique existence that has no equal or companion except for myself? You think too ill of me." Her expression looked genuinely sorrowful and upset, as if from the bottom of her black abyssal heart she truly felt unhappy that he thought she'd kill him once she was pregnant with his child.

Filia snapped, "You dared to kill people just to try to get him as your servant!" but her shouting was ignored as Eliza continued.

"You seem to think I'm just using you as a tool, and that I care nothing for you and will depose of you the second I have what I want. Did you by any chance see that awful movie about the boy trapped on an island who is killed by a woman he thought he could trust when he didn't want to leave the place? I assure you, that wench is nothing like me. You are mine, my sole equal and beloved son."

"Filia, I'd get out of here now." Naruto nudged his friend.

Eliza smiled in a sickeningly sweet way before licking her lips, "I see I have to apply corporal punishment as much as it hurts me to do so…"

Narrowing her eyes and giving her tie to her friend, Filia stood up, "Use this to stop the bleeding, we'll take care of her."

Samson growled in agreement, "Damn straight."

Throwing her hand to her side, Eliza called for her assistants, "Boys, time to dance!"

The hawk immediately appeared, handing her a golden stand microphone with a curved blade at the bottom like a pendulum. The jackal for his part merely called for a new vehicle to pick them up when the show was over. With as much confidence as she could muster, Filia gave a step forward with Samson's tendrils wiggling for action. Eliza for her part moved there with a carpet of red blood letting her slide forward.

Biting back a cry of pain while tightening the tie around his stump, Naruto almost heard a gong in his mind to signal the start of the fight.

The two black haired femme fatales dashed forward with Filia swinging an arm to the side, Samson following her movement while creating an assortment of spikes on a hair whip. Merely chuckling, the flesh, muscles and organs on Eliza's entire torso morphed into blood to let the strike miss her. The Egyptian beauty even posed with her hands behind her back while putting emphasis on her larger chest.

Kicking forward, Filia brought her foot to the woman's arrogant smirk with some help from Samson adding extra strength behind the girl's shoe. There was a satisfying, echoing crack when the sole met the woman's chin. All excitement died soon after when Filia saw that she had hit only bone, no flesh on the cheeks while Eliza's true self showed a sneer. With a twirl, the jazz idol brought her microphone down on the girl.

"Think twice!" Naruto shouted while ignoring the blood loss as best he could, parrying the golden blade with his.

He swiftly channeled golden chakra to the chokuto, swinging it once, twice, and then a third time. When he was done, he appeared behind the Egyptian woman while three blurs of yellow light flashed over her body, shaped like a beast's claw which blasted her body back with three savage slashes. However, he knew he was running on fumes and paid his foolishness greatly by falling down on one knee, breathing heavily.

"I like it when naughty boys play rough!" Eliza said as she charged at the winded Naruto, sailing on an Egyptian boat made of blood.

"Get!" Samson shouted as he and Filia appeared right in front of the woman, her right hand pulled back with a good amount of hair around her fist, "Bent!"

Filia punched forward, her hand covered by a large hair drill that stabbed Eliza in the gut, stopping her dead in her tracks. With a furious expression on her face, Eliza backhanded the girl to the floor while she staggered back. Holding the new hole in her stomach she used more blood to close the large gaping wound with a grimace. Suddenly, she turned around, creating a thicker blood cocoon for the severed arm.

Seeing a new opening, the schoolgirl charged yet again, jumping in the air for a flying kick. Barely catching a glimpse of the girl's white panties, the Egyptian woman was greeted by the girl's shoe on her face yet again for her trouble at keeping Shinju in line. This time, Samson added a second punch by morphing into a large scorpion tail that struck the woman right where her heart was supposed to be, throwing her down.

"Boss!" Albus called, "We need to retreat now. Those Black Egrets are about to multiply like rabbits and our new ride is around the corner."

Samson roared, "Sekhmet, you damn bitch! You dare show your face again only to run off?!"

Smiling nastily at the parasite, Eliza showed her full set of sharp teeth at him, "Call it a break. But I shall be back soon, after all, now I got two good men to add to my future."

Samson snapped, "Kid, don't let her go! Chase that monster and rip out her goddamn heart so she can see how black it is as I eat it!"

"No need to tell me-"

What the red-eyed girl was about to said was stopped by her still heavily injured friend, "No, don't! If you truly knock her out then my arm… Shinju will get free! That's why I told you to run."

Grinning at her little victory, Eliza called out to the girl and her partner, "He's right, girl. The only reason he helped you was so you didn't stop me from keeping that monster in his arm from getting out. In all fairness, I could try to use its powers but I know it'd be foolish. Such a beast needs someone like my dear son to keep it tamed. Too bad our first playdate was cut short."

With a mad cackle, Eliza and her assistants jumped into a moving car, with Horace holding Naruto's severed arm.

Just then, the Egrets finally arrived to assess the situation. Situation normal: all fucked up.

XXXXXX

After a quick and hasty transportation to the Black Egret's HQ and into their emergency room, with Filia close and Adam and Parasoul there to ask what the Hell happened, things went as well as one would expect.

"You cut off your own arm?!" the anger of a princess wasn't something our whiskered protagonist wanted, but he deserved it.

He let out a tired laugh while a few medics tended to his wound, "I wasn't using that hand much anyways."

The redhead gave a glare that had Adam subconsciously tighten his buttocks. "That's not the point! You dared risk your life, gave away a limb, and got yourself in great danger just to anger a woman whose power you don't even know or understand fully! Not to mention… she has the power of a demon you just now told me is comparable to the Skull Heart! The Skull Heart! An artifact that can destroy cities on a whim!"

"No, she doesn't." he said while the medics finished closing the wound, "She does know it is dangerous and that it'll kill her the instant she lets go of it. Only I can hold it back or kill it."

"Without an arm?" she questioned with her hands on her hips.

He chuckled, "I've had it worse. Before I first faced Shinju I had to enter a war, outrun a guy faster than lightning, fight guys that could shift landscapes on a whim, deal with a guy who was basically my equal, two gods wannabes, and a goddess. Oh, and I happened to do that after taming and befriending a gigantic fox the size of a building with nothing but pure raw hatred in his mind. Do I quality as a Black Egret now?"

This time her glare made every single of her soldiers in the vicinity on a three mile radius clench their buttocks, "Do not sass me."

The boy gulped, "Yes, ma'am." He had to ask if that was a motherly instinct every woman had or if it was the fact she had red hair that made him feel the need to comply.

Deeply inhaling some air and slowly letting it out to calm her nerves, the black clad princess spoke, "Do you really think you can kill this Shinju you speak of?"

Naruto's serious look said yes even before he answered, "The only reason I couldn't finish it and had to seal it in my arm was because of everything and everyone I fought before getting to it." He got up and inspected the stitches on his stump with a sigh, "I'll have to get the rust off, but I do know I can do it. I'll just need some clothes after getting mine caked with blood."

"In that case, what do you plan on doing?" the princess asked, arms crossed under her large breasts, "I know you will not just rest and let me sort this out."

"Of course not." The whiskered boy replied swiftly, "So far my priorities are still to help Filia find her memories and stop Shinju. So far I'm thinking of paying the Medici a visit to get some answers. Those guys have wanted my hide ever since day one, and I'm sure Eliza must have worked with them with whatever happened at the orphanage. If they know about her and Filia, that's two birds with one stone."

"After her stunt she must be hiding." Parasoul commented, "I'll see what I can arrange for you regarding proper clothing and look for information with my troops. I want to be in contact with you at all times in case there's any clues to stopping this monster. And…" she closed her eyes, "If all you said is true and you're not just a boasting boy, I'd like to think you can defeat and ultimately destroy the Skull Heart."

Naruto smirked, "You're asking me to deal with an ancient artifact that can grant a woman unlimited power that turns them into a tool of destruction? History does repeat itself."

Filia frowned, "Please don't take this so lightly, we didn't even make a scratch on Eliza, and-"

"He's a bit high." A medic said, "I do believe he will remember this conversation, but right now the drugs are kicking in strongly. I'm just surprised he hasn't been knocked out with what we put in him."

The blond smiled, "What're you saying, Doc? I feel like a million bucks!" he grinned dumbly and giggled before turning to Filia, examining her, "Say… Filia… I never dared say this, but you got a rocking body."

"W-W-What?!" the girl squeaked, hands over her breasts.

Naruto leaned closer with a smile, "You're just so soft and cuddly, like a plushy. The girls at school can say all they want about you being a bit pudgy, but they don't know that women are best with some meat on their bones! I mean, really, those chicks are sticks, skin and bones, they're kind of a bore just fawning for a bad boy stereotype. But you? You're sweet and with a killer rack and rear."

Subconsciously pulling down her skirt while keeping an arm around her chest, the schoolgirl asked, "Is it just kicking in or has he been this drugged from the start?"

Naruto's smile grew in size and dumb looks, "Filia, let's make out."

Parasoul blushed hotly, but that was nothing in comparison to the red glow on Filia's face, "B-But I've never even kissed anyone, even if I can't remember… I mean, how can you ask this when I don't know if I've been kissed?! Wait, no, what am I trying to say?!" she was losing focus, her eyes spinning around while Naruto inched closer and closer, until…

"That should do it." A medic said after injecting more morphine into the blond. It had the desired effect of finally knocking him out when he fell like a sack of bricks on the bed, "Sheesh, this kid is a beast… I injected him with enough stuff to put an elephant into a coma and he still stood up."

Now Filia worried for a different reason, "Will he be alright?!"

The medic shrugged, "I don't know, is he even human?"

Clearing her throat, Parasoul motioned for the girl to come closer to her, "You two should go to Little Innsmouth when he wakes up and is fully aware of his surroundings. There's been word of Dagonians missing, and the Medici's fingertips are practically all over it. They still evade capture, but I have faith in you two given the bizarre but effective way you dealt with Eliza."

Filia nodded, feeling anxious, "Um… If he doesn't recall any of this, could we just keep it that way?"

Sighing, the princess decided to get the girl to calm down, "My lips are sealed." She patted the girl on the shoulder, "But if you do like him in that way…"

Redder than a tomato described the girl's face, "Please, don't tease me! You're royalty!"

Parasoul just handed her a file, "Tell him to consider this his first official job as a Black Egret. You can then decide what happens in your life with him when everything's done."

Filia blushed more, "You're teasing me!"

The princess blinked in surprise, before turning to Adam, "Am I teasing her? I just told her what Naruto's orders are."

The gray haired man sighed, knowing his ruler was good at heart but she could be so… alien to so many things. Except for a certain TV show the woman loved, but he'd never divulge that information even if it cost him his life. He could only give the teary-eyed schoolgirl a pitying look before trying to assess the situation. He figured some of the Egret trainees' uniforms could fit the blond boy.

XXXXXX

"Ugh… Is this the kind of hangover that perverted sage suffered? If so, what the Hell did I drink?"

Grumbling to himself with a hand on his forehead, Naruto got out of the bed he was given and looked to his right. Filia was asleep on a chair with a sleeping Samson acting as her pillow. The parasite even covered and restrained her body against the chair so she didn't fall or get any kind of soreness upon waking up. Speaking of waking up, Naruto was glad to see a bowl of clean water to wash his face with on a nightstand.

Once his face was refreshed he turned to what was besides the bowl, a clean green set of clothes. Seeing as he was in a hospital and things seemed to end well, and with some recollection of his talk with the princess in which he just felt… funny, he walked to the bathroom. The cold water woke him up fully before it heated up, relaxing his sore muscles and letting him see the stump on his arm was healing.

At least his Uzumaki heritage made it easy to heal wounds even as brutal as the one he inflicted on himself, even if didn't end how he wanted. Ironically, he had been fortunate enough his right arm was pretty much dead except for having a monster inside it when he arrived to New Meridian. It made it easier and quicker for him to shower himself without the deformed limb. A rather dark thought, but he'd take it.

Better to lose his limb than having the creature in it take control or break free. With that in mind he finally got dressed. The Egrets were kind enough to lend him some fancy green dress pants, a white button up shirt, and a green coat like theirs. However, he didn't have the armband or any gear to carry anything but a belt in which he put his sword after getting out of the shower. He used the tie they gave him to tie it up.

He looked in the mirror, he looked like he did with his school uniform, but now his clothes were fancier and green instead of black, "If this is how I'll look working for the Canopy Kingdom, damn, I better accept the offer." He even slicked his still wet hair back with a charming smile aimed at his reflection, "General Uzumaki reporting for duty, Princess. What's that? I'm so awesome I should be king of this world?"

"Good morning." Said a giggling Filia.

Freezing at the sound of her voice, Naruto turned around with a face similar to that of a man who'd swallow a cup of ice, as in pure ice, before sighing in defeat, "You won't let me forget this, will you?"

She shook her head with a smile, "Nope." Then she grabbed something he forgot to pay attention to on the nightstand, "But we got a job to do if we want answers and to stop Eliza and the Skull Heart."

Naruto nodded, "Yeah, I guess I said that…" he then rubbed his head, "Uh, any idea what happened after I said I'd get that thing? Things go fuzzy and I think I was… falling? I mean, I think I did, and I'm worried because I feel like I crashed on you."

Filia quickly averted her gaze from his, "Oh, no, you didn't fall fo- I mean, fall on me!" she giggled nervously while Samson grumbled something while waking up. "Anyway, the princess asked for us to investigate Little Innsmoth since she believes we'll find clues to the Medici there."

He ruffled his hair into its usual messy mop, and nodded, "Sounds like a good excuse to get some soup too." The girl and her parasitic partner stared at him with arched eyebrows, "What? I didn't eat anything after fighting Eliza! And I can tell it's morning already."

"You want soup for breakfast." Samson said matter-of-factly before grumbling, "You know what? Screw it. We've already met the bitch and dealt with her shit. I just want some damn coffee."

Naruto now had to speak, "So you know her."

"Wish I didn't." the parasite replied, "I ain't going to tell you my sap story since you weren't honest with us when telling us all the details about your arm like that war. But know this, I do know what you're going through, and I ain't letting the kid get harmed because of that bitch."

Nodding to the deep voice parasite, the blond responded seriously, "Then I'll trust you. If anything, seeing you actually care for Filia is all the motivation I need for that. However, if things do get out of hand, well, I may need answers like I bet you will."

Locking eyes in understanding, the two males silently decided to bury the hatchet and just keep Filia safe, who just shuddered, "Come on, guys, we're in this together. Let's just do this job."

With a nod, the blond put his hand forward for a shake which Filia accepted, as did Samson with one of his tendrils, "Let's put an end to it, the lost memories, the Medici mafia, Shinju, the Skull Heart. Let's finish it so we can enjoy a normal life."

"Yeah, let's do it to it!" shouted a new voice, which owner latched herself on Naruto's shoulders.

"Gah! What the-" Naruto cried as a girl with short pink hair no taller than Konohamaru when he first met the boy hugged his back. She was clad in a yellow raincoat with a matching rain hat, and had a bizarre umbrella in her hands.

The girl just grinned, "Come on, recruit, you ought to take your princess to a good adventure!" said the little girl after jumping down with a large smile, her hands on her hips, and her flat chest puffed up, "After all, I, Princess Umbrella of the Canopy Kingdom, am your immediate superior and could use a good quest to save the world!"

"You?! You're a princess?!" Naruto questioned with his only index finger aimed at the girl, who nodded again, smiling cockier than before.

"I'm Parasoul's little sister, but can still kick butt! After all, we as members of royalty trained real hard since we were little to protect our kingdom. I may not look like it but I'm strong, perhaps stronger than you could ever imagine." Umbrella, now identified as Parasoul's little sister, boasted, "Come on, soldier, you want to make it to captain in a day? Take me with you and show to me that you have what it takes."

Filia had to speak up, "Is this for real?",

Pouting adorably, Umbrella nodded, "Of course. Haven't you seen me in the news? Sure, it may seem like I tag along most of the time, but without my abilities my sister would worry for the future of our people."

"Well, her weapon does seem to be like her sister's." Naruto admitted, but still had to scratch his head, "But how are you going to help?"

Umbrella smirked, "Are you doubting your new boss? Well, let me tell you that I'll let it slide since you're new and cute." She winked, making him worry and getting something to just snap inside Filia, "My weapon has a unique ability perfect for defense and counters. I've heard of you, all offense. I mean, if you didn't have someone like me around, you'd be so vulnerable. That's why I'm here, soldier!"

Samson snorted, "Pipsqueak sure likes to boast, doesn't she? So, what's our first mission, getting her ice cream, a Teddy bear, playing with dolls?"

Puffing her cheeks angrily, the small princess shouted back, "I'll have you know I train hard every day which burns a lot of energy ice cream manages to replenish! Now, you have an option, you can follow your orders and do this mission with proper support, or you can try your luck if a dangerous criminal tries to backstab you. Either choice will show me what kind of man you are and if you're fit to be a soldier!"

"Well… What do you wish for us to do for our first assignment?" Filia was nothing but the face of diplomacy as she intervened with a sharp tug to Samson's face, making him grumble that he wasn't doing anything.

"Take me out to eat! I'm tired of the food here, and I want to eat at a good place!" Umbrella declared on top of Naruto's shoulders, her tiny arm being thrust forward in the way that she knew her sister acted when she wanted a task done immediately. It was usually with a dramatic expression or passionate speech being thrown in afterwards.

"Sure." Naruto feeling a little hungry himself agreed instantly, he didn't get a chance to eat lunch properly before the incident at the orphanage!

"Alright! Then take me to where there's great food!" Umbrella demanded.

Naruto made a noise between realization and amusement, "Huh, guess we can kill two birds with one stone."

So, with a princess on his shoulders, an amnesiac parasite user at his side, and the right side of his body feeling unfamiliarly lighter, the blond made his way forward. He finally noticed that unlike her sister's, Umbrella's weapon was bizarre even by New Meridian's standards. For starters, it had many eyes and what looked like a mouth on it. And she just carried it like a normal girl would with a normal, well, umbrella.

Umbrella and her, well, umbrella were surprisingly lighter than he imagined. And the girl was having fun on his shoulders so he ignored her attitude. He had already met many kids that, like her, wanted attention. He had been one so he shouldn't criticize her. Besides, she was Parasoul's sister, impressing her would totally get him good points to be a Black Egret.

Though, now that he thought about it, should he? Sure, the job was served to him not on a silver platter but a gold one. Parasoul was hot as love. Umbrella was a bit too energetic but she was cute. He'd get a lot of money working for people that dealt with crime. Also, they were at least trying to help him stop two great evils that terrorized the city, one which he imprisoned in the craziest of hasty plans he ever made.

Perhaps it'd be for the best, he was a fighter more than anything. But, should he just accept the job because of that? Why not do something different with his life when everything was said and done? And then, it just hit him as he saw the restaurant… and two gangsters pulling Minette into a car with her mouth covered by a cloth and her wrists tied up.

Filia and Umbrella watched with mixtures of anger and shock how easy the mafia committed their crimes with no citizen daring to oppose them. That kind of attitude was like the Akatsuki. To see Minette taken, to be used for whatever purpose they wanted, it was like how Jinchuuriki had no choice in their life. It all hit Naruto deeply when he saw the kind waitress' eyes pleading for help while no one dared step up.

If people like the Medici roamed the world, then he'd gladly do anything to stop them from harming others.

"Hey, you over glorified mooks!" Naruto shouted as he ran to their car, Umbrella holding on to his head with a glare of her own, "Lunchtime's over!"

Dashing forward with his sword ready, Naruto slashed the car in two. The gangsters watched the familiar golden blur from the chokuto following his swing before their car was perfectly split from one end to the other in two. With a cry of fear upon recognizing the boy, the men started to step back while Minette struggled against her biddings. Just before the gangsters could get away, they were greeted by a deep voice.

"Sod!" Samson roared as he transformed into a ram's head, the horns impacting a gangster in the face with a head-butt from Filia, "Off!"

The gangsters fell down like bowling pins while Naruto helped Minette off the rope around her limbs, using his sword to cut the knot and let her free. Once she removed the cloth from her mouth, she exclaimed, "There are more inside the restaurant! They're all trying to get my friends! Please, help them!"

Needing no more words, both Naruto and Filia entered the restaurant to find more Dagonian girls struggling against more of the Medici gangsters. Stomping a foot forward, Naruto alerted them of his presence. Filia did her best to look intimidating by cracking her knuckles, but Samson had her covered by showing eight different set of knuckles to punch with. Umbrella just gave the order, even if they knew what to do.

"Kick their butts!" the little girl shouted. Screams of pain echoed in the restaurant, tables flew with grunts following, bones broke, and pain was the main dish for any Medici soldier. Naruto's quick sword hand made quick work of the kidnappers before they could attack, and Filia's hair wasn't idle either given the different things Samson could become to cause pain. From a tarantula to an octopus and more he caused pain.

In the end, Naruto ended the fight by kicking the last gangster on the head, with Filia slamming her foot on the other side of the Medici grunt's skull with Samson adding an extra push to her kick. Finally, the place was cleaned, and the blond took a chance to breathe and sheathe his sword while Umbrella giggled, brimming with joy!

"That was cool! You two are so fast and strong! You move so fast, Naruto, it's like riding a rollercoaster that never stops!" she grinned widely while holding her weapon up.

Naruto had noticed said weapon had been doing some odd things in the fight every time he was about to react to an enemy attack only to see the little girl swing her multi-eyed umbrella. It just didn't make sense if it was a shield, because he didn't see much of a collision, though he only gazed from the corner of his eye. Umbrella was fast enough to react against the men that tried to flank him while he was busy with others.

"You really had fun, huh?" Naruto asked while setting down the girl to give his shoulders a rest, "Well, I guess all that's left is see what clues we can find from these guys, lock them up, and getting some breakfast."

A loud rumbling sound came not from Naruto's but his classmate's stomach, making the poor girl blush while putting her hands on her stomach, "H-Hey, you're not the only one who hasn't had much to eat since this morning." She tried to defend herself while the blond tried, and somewhat managed to hold back a few snickers with his hand on his mouth.

"Hey chef!" they heard Umbrella say to the owner, "We helped you, how about some free food?"

The catfish would have replied to the girl's rude attitude, but seeing that his fellow Dagonians were safe and that it was thanks to these people, he let it slide, "Fine, fine, be patient. What will you three have? Also, Naruto, you still owe me for that pillar from your last fight here."

The blond stepped back, "Wait, for real?! Come on, cut me some slack, man!"

The catfish man smirked, "Just fooling. I'll consider your tab nonexistent for your help."

Giving a deep sigh of relief, Naruto nearly fell face down on the counter, "Don't play with my heart like that… Anyway… I'll have the rice bowl special with a fried egg on top, and green tea."

Filia pondered her order, "Uh… I think I'll order the same. Do you have chocolate milkshakes?" the chef nodded, making her smile, "Good, I just love chocolate milk in the mornings!"

Umbrella just stared at the menu with narrowed eyes, "What's a kid supposed to order here? Most things sound too adult except for the milkshakes."

"I prefer my drinks stirred, not shaken." Said a new voice behind them.

The odd trio turned to see a group of thugs being led by a man armed with a grenade launcher.

Naruto and Filia got ready for action, but someone stepped forward before them, "Leave him to me. I'm made for this." Umbrella said as she held her weapon in both hands.

The armed man cackled darkly, "A kid?! I've heard of the boy and rumors of a girl with living hair, but a child that has yet to reach puberty?! Are we really that laughable now that we can't deal with babies!"

Umbrella snapped, "Who are you calling a baby, you smelly jerk?!"

The gangster's mood was instantly soured, "Fine, you'll go first!" he aimed and took fire, a single shell flying at the girl.

With sword and hair ready, both Naruto and Filia were ready to draw their respective blades and protect the little princess. Umbrella showed she didn't come for show when she swung her weapon forward. She aimed her weapon, Hungern, towards the man and the shell. There was a loud shriek from the gangster and a gasp from Naruto and Filia when the multi-eyed umbrella turned into a monstrous anemone!

It extended and devoured both the shot and the grenade launcher like they were candies, making the man stare at her while he could only shiver at what he saw, "Who's next?!" Umbrella cheered as she hefted her large weapon on her shoulder, where it folded back to what could be called normal with it.

Seeing Naruto slowly drawing out his sword and Samson turning his tendrils into mantis sickles, the former gun wielding knew he was in for a bad time.

A good minute later, and Filia had helped Naruto try every single gangster down, "It's always more bark than bite with these punks." The living hair growled.

"Better that way." Naruto said while sheathing his sword, "If they were strong on their own, I doubt even the two princesses could deal with it."

"Yes, we can!" Umbrella said, pumping a fist up, "Have you not seen what Hungern can do?! Just point me to the bad guys and it'll be no problem to take a bite out of them!"

"And suddenly I'm worried that I may work for you if I become an Egret." Naruto said truthfully, making Filia giggle while Umbrella huffed.

"You're still in probation, soldier! Also!" she pointed to the chef, "We are still hungry, so give us your best and we'll give you a big tip!"

The catfish Dagonian could only sweat a little at the girl's attitude before nodding, and Naruto just chuckled at a few fond memories of himself as a kid or teaching Konohamaru how to fight. Minette, however, had a large smile on her face as she approached the blond and, without warning, placed a quick peck on his whiskered cheek. The action caused his hand to go to his reddening kissed cheek.

"For your help and troubles." The kind waitress said with a smile, before giggling, "And you did look dashing in this new suit of yours."

"Uh, thanks…" Naruto said, avoiding looking at the girl as he felt hot under his collar. He didn't notice Umbrella giggling when she saw Filia's hands balling into fists until the schoolgirl realized it with a surprised gasp and tried to keep her composure with an ashamed look on her face.

XXXXXX

While our protagonists enjoyed breakfast, someone else had other troubles as she laid flat on her back in her personal changing room's sofa.

Cerebella was bored, boringly throwing knives at a dartboard with a poster of the infamous thief Nadia "Miss" Fortune on it. She nailed the eyes on the picture, and threw a new knife to complete her other work. On another dartboard was a picture of Naruto, nailed to it with several knives surrounding it and making a perfect heart shape. With a bored sigh, she threw her last knife in the center of the heart, Naruto's.

"Things have been quiet after that woman failed to capture Whiskers. Lorenzo's madder than ever, and stuff is the same as usual…" she turned herself so she was resting face down with her chest as a very soft pillow, spinning Vice-Versa in one finger, "I just wish he did something so stupid I finally get to fight him to settle the score once and for all."

Feng arrived in with a small smile, "I got some good news for you, then. Guess who pissed off not only that singer Lorenzo's been keeping an eye out on, but just beat more of our troops?"

Cerebella got up with a smile, Vice-Versa on her head cracking its knuckles, "Alright! Finally some way to stretch my legs!"

Feng wagged a finger, "That's not just it. There's more. Apparently, he's accompanied by that bratty Canopy princess and some girl Vitale's interested."

That made Cerebella pause, "What do you mean? Who are these girls?"

The Chinese girl smiled, "Princess Umbrella and a girl known only as Filia, who may as well be… prepare yourself… Vitale's niece."

"Are you for real?!" the acrobat asked in shot, "What… Why would she be with Whiskers, then? He's the enemy!"

"Apparently she can be seen as an enemy too." Feng said, "We've got orders to capture her and bring her to Vitale, alive."

"What of Naruto?" the green head asked.

Feng smiled more, knowing how her friend would react, "You better put him in a good outfit. Because they want you to finally end his victory streak."

After the petite circus girl said that and watched her friend cheer, other people had some ideas, "Interesting. He's all over the news even if his fame was kept to a minimum. I guess beings like him are really rare."

The one to speak in the middle of a large church created to pay respect to a trinity of female deities was a nun. Her eyes were seemingly permanently shut, her body was ridiculously curvaceous and endowed, straining against her outfit, and strands of yellow hair were the only visible trait she had besides an amazing body. She walked through the church's halls, hands clasped as if praying.

"We have to see what makes him tick." Said another figure, this one being a blue haired woman with a ponytail, a surgeon mask, and a very revealing outfit that'd fit in an adult film with the way it showed a body that eclipsed Paraoul's. She had only a white dress with a skirt so short her milky thighs were fully exposed, the top cross-shaped buttons unable to contain her large cleavage, and a nurse cap on her head.

"Valentine, I guess I need not say this, but we have a proper schedule." The nun said, "When the Skullgirl has reached her full power that is when we shall see if he is a threat to her or more."

The nurse chortled, moving one long bang from her face to show she had a medical eye-patch covering one of her eyes, before adjusting her gloves, "He's fooled that Sekhmet bitch and made her run off even if it cost him his arm. We've seen any other possible person who'd pose a threat to that girl. None are as dangerous as him, Double."

The nun, Double, shook her head, "I did say he could be more." Here a twisted grin grew on her mature features. "Having him finishing that bitch is a good bonus. All we need is to properly guide him to her this night. And then, not only will the Skullgirl accomplish her wish, but I will get mine as well."

Clapping slowly, Valentine mentioned something, "He may see to it, and you and I can tell that he won't put it easy. I suggest we have Painwheel ready the instant we let him see us. That way I can be at ease that we'll get proper results."

The nun nodded, "But of course, that boy is not to be taken lightly. He has indeed proven to be quite remarkable, yet also quite… unpredictable. If fate would have it, maybe his next course of action will be a step closer to our goals, or to his grave. Whatever the case, we shall wait until tonight to properly meet this otherworldly boy."

And as they had their own issues to deal with, there was also the big concerning issue regarding a diabolical woman and a detached arm in her possession. Currently in a dark hidden room in her mansion, the famous jazz singer and blood sucker of the night had her assistants trying to nail down the arm to a table while her blood kept it still.

"That boy's far too clever for his own good." Eliza growled as she tried to keep the arm under control with her blood, watching the red liquid rippled in an attempt to keep the monster inside it locked in its prison.

Horace adjusted his glasses with a grim look, "This is too much trouble for such a small reward, ma'am. Even if you could tame a power similar to the Skull Heart with that boy, you know he'd never use it."

Albus nodded, readying a nail, "He's right, hats off to that kid for determination. Little bugger will probably just try to pop again to bring nothing but trouble next time we meet him, and if the arm's not-"

"Silence, you two!" she shouted, finally fed up, "I am not giving up this power, not after all that boy did to me! I will make him pay, tie him to a chair and break his mind, body and soul! Then he'll beg me to let him kill Lorenzo and be my servant! After all that humiliation, the way he acted and let me go because he knew he had me beat… I'll make him pay!"

The two could only shiver and accept her orders, trying their best to pin down the demon possessed arm. They had seen that look in their boss too many times. When she was like that and she wanted something, she got it with as much carnage as needed. With the way Naruto had pissed her off, she just didn't want to destroy him, she wanted his consciousness to stop existing, leaving a puppet for her to use as she wished.

 **XXXXXX**

And that's my rap!

Can I have some Roundabout now with a JJBA To Be Continued screen, please?

Welp, at least we know Naruto can purposely piss off dangerous women.

Swordslinger out!


	4. Diamond Break

I OWN NOTHING

Warning: intense Kaiji inspiration ahead. Be ready for zawa-zawa.

 **XXXXXX**

After a hearty breakfast and having their youngest companion hand Minette a nice tip, the unusual trio made their way to their next stop after getting answers.

How did they get answers? Well, the process included Samson holding a few gangsters by their ankles, and Umbrella's weapon opening its jaws for second servings. It didn't take long having them talk as they dangled over the living umbrella. Thus, with full stomachs and few words with Minette and the other Dagonian girls that wanted to thank them – with a few kisses or praise – they made their way forward.

As they did, Filia couldn't help but clutch her biceps with slightly puffed up cheeks the whole way, standing behind her friend and seeing Umbrella ride his shoulders, "Those girls certainly seemed to want to thank you too much, don't you think?" she said to finally break the silence.

Naruto turned to her with a slightly dumb look on his grinning face, and different marks of lipstick, "I think I got enough thank you kisses for a lifetime." He said but still kept that happy look on his face, "I should probably wipe this off."

The schoolgirl's cheeks inflated themselves a bit more at his words, but she moved closer to walk by his side, "You seem happy about it."

He chuckled sheepishly, "What can I say? I have never had a girl actually kiss me like that in my life, not even a peck on the cheek." He ruffled his hair, sighing deeply "I mean, back home things were… really crazy. Things were never easy even before I arrived here. But after some time I just came to like it here better than home, even if I've planned on going back if I can."

"You mean you'd leave forever?" Filia didn't mean to sound disappointed, but her voice conveyed that wasn't a happy thought.

After a shrug, he just replied, "It's been in my mind, alright? I mean, there probably isn't much for me there, but it is my home. Maybe there's people that remember me there, or maybe it'll be a waste of time. But…" here he smiled softly at his classmate, "I wouldn't mind staying here after meeting you."

Red spread on the girl's cheeks at his warm smile and warmer words, but disappeared when a certain little girl tapped his head, "What about me, then? You're a soldier now, and as one you should fight with me." She had a large grin while aiming her large umbrella forward, "After all, it's not like those Medici are going to catch themselves!"

"They're certainly trouble, that's for sure." Samson grumbled before looking up, "And… we're here."

Casinos were a pretty big income of money for the city, and mostly for the Medici family's pockets. If it had cards, chips and at least one dice rolling, it had the Medici's sticky fingers playing in the background. Probably the lounge jazz music, voluptuous bunny waitresses, or the stylish fashion sense of the patrons would be the first thing to call for attention, but everything in the place they were was beyond ridiculous.

Not a single inch of the place showed a speck of dust or dirt, and all the decorations and even drinks were far too expensive for them to imagine a proper price on them. Money truly flowed like water at River King Casino. There were even whales on the ceiling with gold crowns on them, like their only purpose was to show off the wealth the owners had.

Not even a step in and a man in a fancy tie had thrown a warm towel with a sweet lemon scent at Naruto, who caught it and got the hint to clean his face once and for all. Satisfied that the newcomer was clean, the staff member picked the dirty towel and disposed of it into a trash can swiftly. Naruto had barely time to feel the towel, but he could tell it was some fancy silky cloth worth too much money.

"I assume you two and your… uh… daughter, are here to try your luck?" the man said, keeping himself straight while looking at the trio, "You can leave her at the playground with the other children. If you happen to be here for your first time, may I suggest the slot machines or the roulette? I can get you chips worth-"

"Wait a second, she's not our… How old do we look to you?!" Filia shouted indignantly before shaking her head, "No, wait, we're here for something more important than dealing with this nonsense."

Naruto nodded, "We're here for your boss, Vitale."

"Wow, you really love making my day better, Whiskers!"

Jumping over a table and gaining enough height to flip over one of the whales for no reason but to be stylish, Cerebella made her appearance with Vice Versa on her head. She had a winning smile, her hat's arms ready, and a more confident stance. Naruto and Filia got ready for a fight, Umbrella clinging closer to the boy's head as she expected another crazy battle.

"Your chips, sir." The same suited man from before said, offering the blond a tray with many plastic coins of different sizes and colors neatly arranged in different piles.

"Wait, what?" Naruto, Filia and Umbrella echoed while staring at the tray.

Cerebella smiled, "I know you're good in a fight, but how lucky do you feel?" as she asked that, Vice Versa's arms wrapped around her body, coiling tightly around it before spreading apart. The hat had turned black and white, and the busty acrobat was wearing a black leotard with a fluffy bunny tail over her bouncy buns. Completing the look she had tight stockings, white gloves with cufflinks, and even a bow tie.

"There's a kid here!" the parasite user chastised the acrobat while covering the little girl's eyes.

"How about I tell you in on a little something, we here love to test our luck. Be it at the tightrope, the streets, or this casino." Cerebella said while Vice-Versa grabbed a nearby table and placed it between her and the odd party, "So how's this sound to make our lives easier? You play with me for information, and I play for your services."

Naruto narrowed his eyes, "Like even I'd be stupid enough to buy that."

Cerebella winked, "Oh, but I do want to work with you. So much to the point I am willing to bet anything you want. In exchange, should you lose all I want is for that girl to talk to my boss." She aimed a finger at the now confused Filia.

"Me?" the parasite user asked, turning around.

"Seems fair, doesn't it? You get information or your friend talks to my boss." The acrobat said with a smile.

Samson grit his teeth, and made sure to speak so only his user could hear him, "Kid, don't. You want to stay as far away from the Medici as possible. This ain't worth it."

Thinking they were pondering on her offer, Cerebella spoke again, "I've heard of your latest stunts from last night and this morning. Details are a bit blurry, but you really did a number on our guys. So…" she leaned on the table, purposely giving them a view of her cleavage that made Naruto mentally kick his own ass for starting too much and got a frown on Filia's red face, "How about I tell you what places that witch hides?"

Clenching his hand into a fist, Naruto was about to just get answers the old fashioned way, but someone acted first, "It's a deal… Just… cover yourself!" Filia said while still keeping her hands on Umbrella's eyes, the little girl sighing as she knew the girl tried her best to protect her innocence or something like that, but Parasoul had tried the same and failed. Never let a kid wander around a man's locker with Playboy mags in it.

Naruto grew alarmed, "You know this is rigged, right?!" he all but shouted to his friend, "There's no way she'll play fair! This is the mafia! How do we even know she'll tell the truth?!"

Filia shook her head, "It's our best shot at getting answers. Besides, I can take care of myself if things go wrong, and I know so can you." She winked, "I know have what it takes to win. You have enough determination to see this through."

Umbrella spoke, "Yeah, besides, I've always wanted to see what these games are like. Come on, soldier, play some darn games!" she got off his shoulders as she said so, before grabbing a stool to look at the table.

Sighing, Naruto turned to Cerebella, grabbed the tray of chips, and sat at the table with the busty bruiser sitting opposite of him, "What're we playing?"

Unable to contain her excitement, Cerebella had Vice-Versa turn to normal while she grabbed a cup in one hand and two dice in between the other's fingers, "It's a little game from the east I've heard about that Dagonians like. Since your name sounds similar to some Dagonian names, I thought I'd have fun with a bad ironic joke." She threw the dice in the cup and rolled it in her hand.

"I know this game." He recalled his time traveling with the perverted sage to find Tsunade, and what kind of games the woman got into, "So how do we handle the bets?"

Cerebella placed her own amount of chips down on the table with her free hand, "We bet a certain amount of chips. We both have a million's worth, ten of each chip, and they all have different values. Yellow chips, for example, are worth five thousand a piece. Red chips are worth ten thousand. Green ones are fifteen thousand. Each blue chip equals twenty thousand. And all the black ones are fifty thousand each."

She held up the cup, and Naruto continued, "Ok then, the game is simple. Since you're the dealer, your job is to throw the dices into the cup, put it face down while making sure no one sees it, and then I make my bet. I'm supposed to bet on what numbers land. If I bet on an odd number and a three appears, well, that's my win. But if a four appears, then my chips are yours."

"Indeed, but those are the rules. However, if you win a round, I will give you five times the amount you've bet." Cerebella smiled, "I can't wait to get you to learn poker. I mean, I did want to play the game, but I was sure you'd win given how I like to play with diamonds and hate clubs."

"Ok…" Naruto said slowly before placing half his yellow chips forward.

The crowd booed at the small amount of money - as they'd call it given their backgrounds filled with money - that the boy placed.

"Your call, Whiskers." He narrowed his eyes at the girl, observing her moves and every inch… she did have good taste on eye shadow…

"Even." Was his response.

Cerebella smiled coquettishly as she adjusted her gloves, and threw the dice on the cup. Then she swiftly slammed it on the table, nearly giggling.

"Wow, so fearless." She said with a soft giggle and pulled up the cup. The crowd gasped when they saw the numbers… a couple of fours, "Well, that was fun!" the acrobat said without losing her smile. Naruto had just won seventy five thousand worth in chips.

Naruto grew tense, that confidence made him feel uneasy as he grabbed the chips he won. He could see it, in his mind's third eye, the way she acted and moved. This was no simple acrobat. It was like both were at the circus, swinging over the stage with no safety net on the ground. While wearing thighs and with only one arm, Naruto used his legs to grab the swing as he approached the smiling girl.

However! In his mind, he could see that smile twisting as she grabbed his stretched hand, pulling him towards her as he wrapped his fingers around her wrists. He knew, he just knew, that if he got confident, her grip would loosen up around his arm, and let him drop! A trap, it was an obvious trap! She was reeling him in with a sense that she was his only safe haven, only to drop him… Or did she?

For a moment, Cerebella just didn't seem like the mafia muscle he knew her as. She looked like a girl who was genuinely having fun. Was that part of her allure, was she using whatever innocence she had against him? Or, even if it sounded dumb to himself and his own heart, did she really want to have fun? Were her intentions that simple? What was she planning?

He bit his lower lip while Filia resisted the urge to bite her thumb, "What's she playing?" the schoolgirl asked herself, feeling tense at the idea of meeting Vitale. Something made her feel scared just thinking on it.

"Next round, ready to bet?" Cerebella asked. Once again, Naruto bet only five yellow chips, getting another round of booing from the crow, "Come on, Whiskers, you surely can bet better than that. If you don't bet big, you don't have what it takes."

"Odds." He said through a clenched jaw.

Cerebella's hands moved swiftly and were ready to reveal the result… a six and a three, "My, Whiskers, I better take you with me next time I want to gamble." She said with a flirty smile. Tensing his body further, Naruto could only look at the girl before him with narrowed eyes while she put a confused face, "Hey, what's with the glaring? Can't you take a little compliment?"

Grinding his teeth, he only heard the crowd booing him. But they had no idea, they knew nothing of what was happening. They thought he was a coward trying to play it safe. However, Naruto felt like Hansel with Filia as Gretel, and at the end of the road was a house made of candy, with Cerebella at the door. The two young children were just invited inside, to taste everything and go wild, but he could see a bubbling cauldron.

"Come on, soldier, you got this in the bag!" Umbrella cheered, like the enticing aroma of the pastries in the candy house.

Smirking, Cerebella said, "She's right, Whiskers, you aren't taking this seriously. If you really want answers, at the rate you're going the day will pass and she may be gone."

Could he really be that lucky? Was there a trap? There had to be, she was being too damn happy about it all! But, the crowd around him were growing impatient, and so was he. Whatever game she was playing, it was the likes of a spider hiding in a hole, waiting for a mouse to walk before it. However, he was no mere mouse, he was a grasshopper mouse, capable of tanking snake bites!

The only way to know… was to bet big!

"A hundred fifty on odds." He said as he placed forward all of his red and then all of his current yellow chips. "Actually, add to that this hundred and fifty one."

One of the crowed members cheered, "Finally! That will leave her in negative numbers!"

Naruto mentally insulted the man, it wasn't him trying to win with a one hit bet, it was him cornering her like a boxer in the ring. So far he had thrown light jabs and hooks to her sides, never aiming for her face. Now that she was with her back against the ropes, he had her finally open for a straight punch to her pretty face. However, so far she hadn't taken any noticeable damage despite her risks.

It was time to see her counter!

And she didn't even lose her smile, "Playing rough, aren't you?" she adjusted her gloves again with a slight glare to her smile, "I just love it when guys like you play hard to get."

She placed the dice in the cup and slammed it down quickly. Upon lifting the cup, Naruto's eyes didn't widen but narrow at the fact he was looking at a four and a two. The crowd gasped or groaned at his loss, thinking he could have beaten the girl. Cerebella just kept that smile on her face as she picked up the dice and threw them into the cup. But to Naruto, she was a viper coiling around his grasshopper mouse body.

Grinding his teeth, this time Naruto placed forward all of his green and blue chips, "Again!" to him it was like he really was in a boxing match, and the girl managed to land a cross counter directly on his face.

Did he miss something?! How did she do it?! He had just won two games, and now she just miraculously won more than she lost. There had to be a trick, but where? He could feel his right leg twitching, his foot tapping impatiently while his eyes roamed over the acrobat's supple body. His mind ran through different scenarios, but right now the viper was slithering around him, the small mouse.

"Naruto, wait! Even if you win this, that's just too much!" Filia called out at him while Samson nodded. Even she could see it, Naruto was nothing but a simple foot soldier charging with a rifle and a bayonet at a tank. He wasn't alone, but Filia and Umbrella at the sidelines could only cover enemy fire from the sides, not from the big armored vehicle that Cerebella rode with a winning smile.

"She's asking for us to beat her, do it!" Umbrella shouted, "Bet big and take it all back!"

Cerebella rolled the dice in the cup with a confident smile, "You don't have to get so angry. It's still a game." The leotard clad acrobat cooed teasingly and then just smiled, "Your call."

"I... call…" he was about to speak while trying to think of what to say, but the crowd got impatient.

"Odds! You have better chances that way!"

"No, even! That really is your best choice!"

"There's two dice only, you have to say even!"

And then, it hit him… his entire body froze as he stared at Cerebella, narrowing his eyes at the girl, "Even…" he said.

The girl just giggled as she pulled the dice from the bowl and rolled them in her hand, before pushing it towards his face, "Why don't you kiss it for good luck?"

Filia felt every fiber of her being burn in anger at the acrobat's condescending actions, but Umbrella narrowed her eyes and blew a raspberry over the gloved hand, "You stink, lady!"

Cerebella growled and wiped her gloved hand on a towel, "You little… Ugh, I don't have time for this, your friend already made his bet." After saying that, she slammed down the cup, ready to lift it and reveal…

"It's odds." Naruto said, making Cerebella freeze when she showed that, indeed, the dice showed an odd number.

Rather than letting her surprise get the best of her, Cerebella smile at him, "Wow, giving up already in your choices? No need to be like that, there's always next chance." Naruto got up, worrying her, "W-What're you doing? Are you going to fight? You know that way I won't give you what you-"

"I need the bathroom." He said simply before motioning to Umbrella and Filia to follow him, "Don't stay here on your own, you two. I'd like to keep my eyes on you."

Cerebella sighed, "Killjoy."

XXXXXX

After exiting the bathroom, Filia was already in front of him, "What was that?! How did you-"

"She's cheating." Naruto said, "You were right about it."

The little princess snapped, "That bimbo! Wait until I get my hands on her, I'll use her as a training dummy!"

Samson growled as he slammed eight fists against eight hairy palms, "Good, I was getting tired of this little charade. So, how do we make her pay for this?"

Naruto smiled, "That's easy. I'll win this game."

"What?" both girls and the living hair asked, Filia adding, "Are you hearing yourself? Naruto, you can't be serious. Whatever trick she's doing-"

"Only works when she knows what I want." He replied, "Just then, in the crowd, someone told me I should have said even…"

"Yeah, so why-" and Filia stopped, the idea registering in her head, "You said even before she placed the dice in the cup."

"That's her first trick…" he gripped his hand so tightly his knuckles turned white and cracked, "She tricked me, using cheap mental tricks to get me to talk before playing. But if I just say even and try to say I changed my mind to switch to odds, she'll do her best to say it's against the rules or do anything to keep the game going. That's why she'll try to make me say what I will bet on before throwing the dice in the cup."

"And you still want to play." Filia said, growing nervous, "Why? What makes you so sure you can win this time?"

Naruto smiled, "Umbrella."

The little girl blinked in surprise, "What, me? Why? Am I supposed to knock her out or-"

"No, nothing like that." He said with a smile, "You just showed me her trick."

"I did? I mean, of course I did! It took you too long to see it!" the girl's nervous smile said she didn't have a clue of what he was talking about.

Rubbing her head, Naruto told the small princess, "Go back with Filia to the table and order yourselves some drinks when you get there, it's on me. I'll be back soon."

A million questions were in Filia's head, half of them being questions Samson also wanted to make, but Umbrella… "Yay! I'll order myself a milkshake with ice cream in it now that my sister isn't going to stop me! Oh, I should also try those sodas that have ice cream balls in them!"

"Sure, enjoy yourselves. I won't take long." He replied, and then Filia saw it. There was a glint in his eye. It wasn't hope, madness, or a fake bravado, it was the look of a man who knew his plan.

When the girls got to the table they waited, taking Naruto's advice and ordering a drink. Even the busty dealer did the same as she waited for his return, asking for a glass of champagne. Umbrella for her part enjoyed the two large glasses, filled with soda and milkshake and both with an ice cream ball inside them.

Vice Versa's user grew impatient as she set down her glass, "What's the matter, is he nervous or ate too much of a bad thing?"

Filia grabbed finished her drink, a sweet mango and pineapple juice combo, and answered, "Don't worry about him." She said with a glare Cerebella returned.

"Let's be clear, I don't know why Vitale or Naruto want you around, but when this is over I will have my fun." The acrobat said with a sweet smile that irked Filia to no end.

Instead of letting her anger out, Umbrella decided to do it for the parasite user, "At least she's got good curves!" the little girl said, placing her hands on a now embarrassed schoolgirl's thighs and hips, "See this?! You wish you could have this shape, I bet! I also heard Naruto likes girls with good meat on them, so you're second rate!"

Cerebella clenched her hand so hard it was thanks to her gloves that she didn't draw blood, "When this is over, I will take you to the circus… into the lion's den…" she really wanted to shut the little kid up.

Grinning darkly, the schoolboy walked back to the table, "Now, how about we bet big?"

At the table Cerebella was busy playing with some chips in her fingers before noticing the arriving boy, a smile on her face, "What will you bet on?"

This time, he pushed his remaining chips, every single black one, "Even."

Cerebella smiled, adjusting her gloves yet again, "Good… I like it when a man knows when it's all or nothing. I hope you haven't forgotten our deal, Whiskers."

"I haven't, and that is why…" here he placed his left hand, getting everyone's attention on him, "I will bet myself on this, if I lose, I'll work for you and Vitale!"

Cerebella's mouth nearly hit the floor as she and the girls screamed in unison, "What?!"

"I'm not letting Filia out of my sight, and I'll make sure to bet everything I have for it." He said with his eyes burning with passion while the black haired schoolgirl felt her heart skip a beat at those words.

Panting slightly from the shock, Cerebella managed to grin with some cold, nervous sweat on her face, "A little extreme, but… Vitale could use a man of such conviction and honor in his r-"

"Also…" Naruto said, "I'll raise my bet again."

This time, Cerebella stepped back, standing up with her body shaking, "W-What?! Another r-r-r-raise?!" the entire crowd lost their breath at that, what else could he bet?!

He reached inside his jacket before putting his hand once again on the table, a knife on it, "I will bet two of my own fingers!"

Cerebella's knees bent from a sudden loss of support, "…what…?" she barely let out a gasp of air from the shock.

Naruto gripped the knife tighter, "Back home, there's this code gangsters run by. If they are a disgrace, then they must cut off at least one finger as an apology. I'm offering you my pinky and ring finger, since I only need three to hold my sword."

Shaking but forcing herself back on her seat, the green head smirked, "Y-You sure like to boast, don't you…?"

"And!" Naruto said, making the dark skinned beauty's blood run cold.

"W-What else can you bet?!" she shrieked, a hand to her chest, feeling her madly beating heart.

"I promise to give my children to the Medici!" Naruto shouted, "Any child I'm a father of shall work for Vitale and Lorenzo!"

Gripping the table didn't seem to help Cerebella from falling off her seat, her leotard clad buttocks inches from the ground, "W-What are you even-"

"And for all that!" Naruto shouted, getting up and slamming a hand on the table, before aiming that finger at Cerebella, "You will also tell us not only where Eliza hides, but where the Medici keeps every Dagonian they've kidnapped as well! And I want to know where Vitale is too, so I can finally face him and end his business once and for all!"

Everyone could see it, the small grasshopper mouse had jumped right at the snake, its teeth sinking into its body just an inch below the head! The larger reptile struggled, but the mouse's claws clung to its body while it forced its teeth deeper into its tearing flesh! It was only a matter of time before either the mouse ripped the snake's head or its larger enemy shook it off for one final bite.

Umbrella just watched it all in silence and with wide eyes, her pupils shrinking while a massive grin spread on her face and she pumped her fists, "So cool!"

However, Cerebella chuckled darkly as she got up, smirking at the boy, "You… You sure like to bluff, don't you?! You think that'll scare me?! Fine, I'll take you on! All or nothing, I like it! Sure, I'll take those chances! But just hear me, if you lose this, the one to cut your fingers shall be Vitale himself after he hears how you dared think you can harm him!"

After adjusting her gloves once again, Cerebella threw the dice on the cup for the final time. Her lips started to tremble into a smile as she locked eyes with Naruto. But his eyes… they weren't fazed! The blue orbs stared at her with no despair but with courage, with intelligence! Those weren't the eyes of a desperate man, those were the eyes of a fighter who was putting everything he had into a final attack.

She could see it, Naruto was clad in a samurai's outfit, holding his sword and rushing at her. Cerebella, clad in a bikini chainmail, roared at him while charging forward with two axes, one in each hand. With heated glares locked, fire around them, and the stakes raised the way they were, they put it all into this bet! This time, with her eyes burning with determination, the girl lifted the cup… and gasped!

Filia's hands went to her mouth, while Umbrella's jaw fell down. The entire crowd went silent at the result… in the table there were two ones. Naruto had won!

"Even, I guess you know what it means." He said as he played with something in his hand.

Hearing a familiar noise coming from his fingers, Cerebella's eyes went to what was on his palm, two dice, "W-What?!" she looked at the ones on the table, and flipped them… getting another even combo.

"I hope you liked your champagne." Naruto said as he threw the dice he had on the table, which resulted in an odd number, "I really ought to thank Umbrella better for helping me here."

The acrobat's pupils shrunk, "I-Impossible! You… Wait, the champagne…" she looked at him in shock, "You… You were the waiter!"

Naruto smiled, "I had to knock out one of the guys from the staff to get his uniform. Luckily, I managed to hide my birthmarks with some makeup that he had… Guess he liked looking pretty. The only hard part was hiding my right side so you didn't know who I was, but putting the sleeve in the pocket made it work."

Gritting her teeth, Cerebella shouted, "You cheated, the deal is-"

"Still on." Naruto said, aiming a finger at her, "Or do you want me to check your left cufflink."

The green head froze, "W-What…?" her mind just stopped to try to process what he said.

Naruto slammed his hand on the table, "Every time you placed the dice in the cup, you adjusted your gloves… or rather, pulled out these dice from your cufflinks!" he said as he swiftly yanked her left cufflink off.

The crowd stared in shock as two dice rolled into the table, this time a normal pair, "You… You got to be kidding me!" Cerebella ground her teeth.

Shaking his head, the green clad schoolboy spoke up, "You first used a normal set to distract me from noticing, but every time you spoke to get me to say what I would bet on, you changed the dice in your hands. The ones you really used have been made to show three different numbers from every angle one could look at them like normal dice."

Cerebella stood up and then took a step back, her mouth twisting into a nasty, trembling smirk as her whole body shook, "But how… How did you figure out that was it?! How did you know I had more than one set of dice?"

Naruto tapped his head, "I just heard the crowd speaking… When they said there were only two dice, I had to ask myself if that was true. Umbrella just confirmed it."

The pink haired girl smirked, pushing up her flat chest in pride, "That's right, because I saw through it all! Explain it to her, soldier!"

He smiled, "With pleasure, princess…" he aimed a finger to a certain glove with stains on it, "When she blew a raspberry, you didn't take off the glove, because if you did you ran the risk of having the dice fall off!"

This time, the acrobat didn't take another step, she fell to her knees, her eyes open to the point they nearly jumped out of their sockets while her pupils turned into tiny dots, "I… I… I…" she gasped, and then sobbed, a single tear running down her cheek and leaving a wet trail on her diamond tattoo, "I… lost again…?"

Grabbing the dice, the blond nodded, "If you want to know why, it's because you didn't have enough determination." His words made the green head stare at him, still in a trance from her loss, "I'll admit, if I had just been myself and things kept going your way, my pride would have made me lose it all. In a way, you had won. However, you thought you had it all figured out."

"And I did, so why?!" she cried, tears now running down her cheeks before she angrily wiped them off, "Why did you win?! You may have figured out, but why did you have to win?! I was about to… I was going to impress Vitale, I was going to do what no one else could and beat you, even if it was in a game! Then I'd offer you to work for us so you could be with that girl! I was supposed to defeat you! I… I wanted to win!"

Any man with a heart would suck up their feelings and walk to the girl, "It's not always that easy with life." He said while clutching his right side, "If you don't lose something along the way, maybe you don't deserve to win. If all you care about is winning without trying to understand what it's like to lose, what's the point in an empty victory?"

"Shut up!" the girl screamed, holding her head as she curled into a ball, angry tears threatening to roll down her face, "You don't have the right to talk to me, not when I was so close… so close to beating you! It's… I just wanted to earn his praise… I had it all figured out. This time for sure I was going to do it. I already lost to you once…"

He put his hand on her shoulder, making her look at him. His eyes were warm, "Then you can ask for a rematch any time you want." He said simply, "And even if you make a plan on the fly, it won't matter how much effort you put into it if you don't mean it. Everyone can work hard for something and it won't matter to anyone else, but if it matters for you, then the only thing to stop you is you."

Cerebella cried more, "Stop it! You won! You're only saying that because you beat me!"

"No, I'm saying that…" here he showed her what remained of his arm, "…because I know defeat more than you'd think."

The girl gasped, "B-But… I've heard your right arm was just…"

"I won a fight by giving it up." He said, before thinking for a second, "No… I was able to do something I wanted by betting my arm."

The green head could only stare with wide, teary eyes, "What would you bet your arm for?"

He grinned, "To protect my friends." Despite the cliché line, there was no other way to put it. If he hadn't given up his arm, Eliza would have tried to use Shinju's power, and with it everyone and everything would be in danger. Naruto was no fool, if he had to give up that arm to make sure Filia, Minette, his classmates, and now the Black Egrets, Parasoul, Umbrella and even Cerebella remained safe, he'd do it again.

"Now…" Umbrella started, deciding to ruin the moment, "About our bet…"

Cerebella flinched, knowing she was in trouble, unless… "Y-Yeah, a deal's a deal…" she started, grinning slightly, "You should know what you're betting for, Naruto. Because while I can tell you what places to look for, finding what's in them is another game of luck."

"What're you talking about?!" Filia asked, furious, "I agreed to this bet because you gave your word, now you just tell us it was a hustle?!"

Smirking, the green head nodded, "Even I don't know where Vitale or that third-rate singer can be at. They have their places, little summer houses, they like to visit from time to time. You can look for them there, but finding them, well, that's another story."

Groaning, Naruto put his hand on Filia's shoulder, "We should have seen it coming, but it's our best lead."

"Not it's not, it's obviously a trap!" the schoolgirl said.

Naruto nodded with an impassive look on his face, "When has that ever stopped us from walking into one? Chances are we can break it."

Filia narrowed her eyes, "Naruto, last time you cut off your arm."

He looked at his left limb before shrugging, "If it comes down to it, I'll learn to use a sword with just my feet."

Filia was felt like her common sense had been smacked in the face at hearing those words. Naruto just turned to the mafia's trained bruiser for answers while Cerebella wondered if he was brave, stupid, or just got a tad manlier. She could feel her dark cheeks heat up when he demanded the locations she promised with a stern look on his face. She had to make him her… sidekick.

XXXXXX

"I swear that child just loves to try my patience, and now she and both Naruto and Filia are missing…"

On her side of the world, Parasoul was busy trying not to chew her lower lip when news of her sister's disappearance reached her. Part of her wondered how did she manage to get past her troops, then remembered it was her sister, and she once snuck into the men's room to find a magazine that had the girl making a lot of questions. The owner of the magazine did have a lot to answer to after that.

"Commander!" a meek looking girls with glasses stepped in. Her dark hair was pulled back and her uniform consisted of a green skirt, a white long-sleeved shirt, a yellow handkerchief on her neck like a tie, a headpiece, and the red armband of the army. She immediately saluted the princess, "There's been sightings of your sister with our newest… intern, trainee… I mean, she's with the boy you've wanted to recruit!"

Every single person in a five step vicinity of the redhead added five more steps of distance between themselves and their princess, "That little brat is so… grounded…" she growled lowly as her eyes shone with barely contained rage. "Molly, where have they been sighted? And why has Naruto not taken her back this instant?"

"Reports from a few witnesses say Naruto's following her orders." Molly answered, "It seems as though your sister is using her authority as a princess to boss him and that schoolgirl around. She must have convinced him that she was a figure of authority after he woke up. No one briefed either him or the schoolgirl that accompanies him. And we have no way to contact them."

Hearing that bit of news, Parasoul slapped her face, "I should have… This is why I can't allow that girl to be out of my sight." She sighed, "I'll find a way to inform Naruto to disregard her orders and to bring her here."

"Um, sir…" Molly started, sweating as she put a hand on her headpiece to listen to a new report, "Before you do so, know that Naruto's on a lead after the Medici. Your sister is not only with him, but… she's been to a casino, eaten at least two desserts and, from what I've heard, has fought along our possible newest recruit and his friend against some Medici goons."

Another five steps were taken away from her, Molly included, "Change of plans… I'll find my father's old belt and… No, no… I'm not going to hit my sister… even if I want to…" you readers don't want to know how hard it was for her to suppress her anger. You really don't.

Adam cleared his throat, "May I suggest we intercept this odd trio? We could kill two birds with one stone. Finding any kind of business the Medici may have his hands on is bound to save more than one life."

The glare he got made his future children feel blood in their veins, "And put Umbrella in an even bigger risk?"

"I'll keep my opinions to myself from now on as best I can." The man said, before a loud buzzing sound came from his pants, "What is it?" he asked while taking out a special walkie-talkie each Egret had.

And from it came Umbrella's voice, "Hey, Adam! Is my sister there?! Well, doesn't matter. Tell her Commander Umbrella has been leading the new recruits in good directions! We've found a lot of information on the Medici and we're going to a few stops here and there! Oh, and tell her that we've kicked bad guy butt and that Hungern and I got to try these delicious drinks with ice cream in them! Okay? Bye!"

"Egrets, roll out!" the princess shouted, and everyone immediately moved, "Molly, what are their current coordinates?"

The spectacled young woman paused to listen to her headpiece before answering, "They're at Maplecrest! Unless they get distracted, they should be there by the afternoon or perhaps nighttime if there's trouble in the way…" her face lost all color when she trailed off. "Oh dear…"

Parasoul gripped her weapon so tightly her knuckles turned white, "What is it now?"

Molly's eyes widened, "Skullgirl activity… There seems to be something triggering the Skullgirl's powers…"

While the princess' worries grew and her elite military group raced to the scene, Naruto, Filia and Umbrella got out of a bus into Maplecrest. The place was am nice little place to live at with many modest houses.

It was basically the suburbs with plenty of people doing the usual. Children ran around after an ice cream van, and thankfully Umbrella didn't follow after her eventful meals leaving her more than satisfied. Other than that, the place didn't seem like a location for the Medici's business, but Naruto knew not to judge a book by its cover. If there was one thing that family was infamous for was child labor.

Seeing the kids running around and enjoying their free time now that they didn't have classes had Naruto using all his will to hold back a growl, "I don't really know what I want to find out. If this is a trap by Cerebella, then good. But if Vitale and his men come here for their business… I'm going to be mad."

"I know!" Umbrella said with a pout, "Parasoul's always complaining about those guys doing business and making it seem legit and stuff! It's boring, but I get her. They just make it seem like there's nothing wrong with what they do… if I got it right…"

Samson snorted, "Would explain why you've had to deal with them on your own." He told the blond.

"Could be worse." Naruto said, rolling his left shoulder a bit, "If I just stayed still, I may have gone rusty without Vitale trying to get me into that circus."

Filia got nervous at how casually he took the life and death situation that was fighting the mafia in a daily basis, "You still shouldn't look at it like just a workout. We were lucky you found out about Cerebella's trick before it was too late. Not to mention, after hearing that they want me…" she looked down, "Thinking about it… Should I really get my memories and remember something that links me to th-"

Naruto halted her thoughts by karate-chopping her forehead, making Samson snarl at him, "What's the big idea, you blond doofus?!"

"That's enough gloom and doom out of you." Naruto told the girl, before poking her nose, "You're Filia, no one else. Whatever those crooks want with you, I don't care about it. It doesn't matter what you did in the past to me either. So far all you've done is trying to find your memories while caring for me."

"But what if I… I lost my memories because of something awful…" she said, before looking down, "What if I hurt… someone…?"

He flicked her nose, getting a yelp from her, "Just quit it already. Whoever was the old Filia shouldn't bother you, just live your life and don't let fate decide it for you. Even if you're born as a cat, you should still decide what you want to do, not simply look around for trash to eat."

Looking down, a smile spread warmly on the schoolgirl's plump cheeks along some red, "Than-" and she got flicked on her forehead, "Ow! I was about to say thank you!"

Naruto flinched, "Oh, sorry, I th-" and he got flicked back. "Ok, I deserved that."

"Well, look at what the cat dragged here…" said a new female voice.

Both high school students turned to see a thin but athletic… cat woman. With a bob of platinum hair, black cat ears, and even a tail, she was quite the sight. She was also… wearing so little it left nothing to the imagination. A belt with pouches seemed to be the only thing holding a pair of black shorts that could double as underwear, and she had a sleeveless blue sweater top that showed the underside of her breasts.

While her figure wasn't as plentiful as Filia's, she had a nice built, a natural tan, and blue mischievous eyes. She also had large scars over her limbs, feet, and a single one on one of her cheeks.

Though Naruto was curious of why she had what looked to be detached pants legs and a cat collar, "I'm not the first guy to say this, but… what're you wearing, lady?"

The blonde young woman smiled, "Like what you see? What's the matter, cat got your eyes?" she asked while putting on a pair of black fingerless gloves to show off her sharp nails, and the boy also noticed her feet were mostly bare, showing equally sharp nails, "Hmm… let's see… whiskers, cute blue eyes, and doesn't seem to compensate for anything. You're Naruto, right?"

Saying with all sincerity that the last bit of information disturbed him wasn't enough to describe how uncomfortable Naruto felt hearing that with Umbrella on his shoulders and Filia nearby. The little girl at least didn't seem to understand too much on that last piece of the description, but Filia did if her reddening cheeks were anything to go by. The cat girl just seemed amused by it.

"I am, yes. How do you know?" he asked while gripping his sword.

The cat girl smiled, "Come on, that ain't no way to make new friends, is it? I'm just a little stray cat looking for stuff finding one of her friend's friends." She aimed a finger at the boy, "Thank goodness for your timing today. Had I returned to find Minette taken in by those creeps, I'd probably have gotten an urge to scratch something, mainly Vitale's face."

Naruto took this in slowly, "Nadia… Fortune…" he said slowly, "So you're the one that usually roughs up costumers that try to get their hands close to Minette's skirt while I'm not around… and a thief."

His new acquaintance just smiled a kitty grin, "Why, I believe you stole my line."

Naruto's face had a blank stare, "Yes, it has to be you. The only person with that sense of humor has to be you."

That made the cat woman pause, "Hey, what's that supposed to mean?"

Shrugging, Naruto answered as politely as he could, "You just kind of speak for yourself when it…" he slapped his face, "Dammit, now I'm doing it."

Their new feline acquaintance smiled widely, "Minette forgot to say you're a walking riot. Well, it seems we're both after the same thing. What say you? Scratch my ears, I scratch whatever rat you're after."

Filia thought on it, "Can I really scratch your ears?" she asked with some red on her cheeks. She did like animals, mostly dogs, but there was something about scratching a cat's ears that she couldn't resist.

"Seems like the fun is twice as much when you bring your girlfriend." Nadia teased.

Instantly deciding she'd stay with dogs forever, Filia's face gained a pink hue from both embarrassment and anger. Naruto for his part just thought Nadia was just being a pain and shrugged the comment, though the idea wasn't really unwelcomed, "Well, we can always use a pair of extra claws to catch the Medici." He then pointed to his suit, "Just… you know, I'm walking with the Egrets…"

Smiling like a kitten, Miss Fortune let out a soft giggle, "Wow, officer, so forward. At least buy me dinner before getting out the fuzzy handcuffs."

He sighed, feeling like he'd do that a lot, while Filia gave a surprising reply, "We won't take you in." she said without missing a beat, "We have to stop the Medici before they harm more people. I've already seen them trying to kidnap Minette and her friends. Moments ago I saw one of their servants, and the way she acted for them… It felt wrong, it just can't be right how she works for them so blindly."

Umbrella nodded, "Yeah, we're here to kick big bad guy butt, not to put you in a sandbox!"

Everyone did their best to ignore the girl's attempt at a joke, if it could be called that, as Filia continued, "Besides… You do help Minette. That's good enough for me to see you as a good person, thief or not… even if your jokes are a bit…"

Their new friend smiled, "Sure, I wouldn't mind joining you three. You seem like fun playmates, that and I want to see something." She showed the blond boy her claws, "If what Minette said is true, Little Innsmouth needs to know who the top cat is when it comes to scaring off Medici rats. How's a little competition sound? The one to get the most mooks crying for their mommas has bragging rights and dinner from the loser."

Naruto chuckled, "Sure, I've been feeling fortunate…" he paused as Nadia's smile grew before once again slapping his face, "God dammit, this better not become a habit."

"Oh, but you're doing so well, I could even try and teach you." The blonde woman said, wrapping an arm around his shoulder and making him feel how sort yet firm and warm her skin was, "We could be a fun comedy duo. The cat and the fox… We'd need a proper stage name, but we could start small with Minette giving us her opinion on our material."

Sighing in resignation along Naruto, Filia spoke, "She sure enjoys herself."

 **XXXXXX**

And that's my rap!

I know I just had Naruto playing a game with Cerebella, but I had too much fun doing it while listening to the song White Heat from the second season of Kaiji.

Swordslinger out!


	5. Golden Experience

I OWN NOTHING

I said it once, I am a sucker for Skullgirls and Filia's thighs, and I must tell the truth.

 **XXXXXX**

"You stupid girl!"

Cerebella felt her heart shrink at the harsh words of no one else but the Medici's top dog, Lorenzo Medici. The old man was skinny as a noodle, and could be said to have a foot in the grave with more than one meaning. People wanted him dead, he was about to die, he looked so weak it'd be laughable to see him lasting long without his medicine and caretakers. The once fearsome man was a shadow of his past self.

And yet, his words echoed with a sting on Cerebella, who was back in her normal outfit, like he had just slapped her, "I'll accept full responsibility for-"

Lorenzo's hands slammed down on his desk, silencing her, "You got no idea what I want to do to you, you stupid tart! Honestly, the only reason my son took you in was because you had talent, but you were outshone by a fucking no-name cripple! Have you any idea how much respect we've lost?! How our enemies see us?! Thanks to you we're nothing but a laughing stock!"

"He's smarter than you think." The girl blurted out, and immediately put her hands to her mouth when seeing the decrepit man's anger shining in his eyes, "What I mean is you can't take for granted that he's a fool. What he says is true, he hides more than we could ever see from him. He not only figured out how I was cheating, he completely countered me without letting anyone know."

"I don't want your excuses, you stupid bitch!" Lorenzo screamed, making the girl step back, "Not only has Eliza failed in capturing him but is now hiding from that Canopy whore princess' troops! Now the Skullgirl is tearing our men apart and the one that we have failed to recruit for over a year, the one we could use the most right now, is fighting along that red cunt!"

After getting all that anger out of his chest the old mob boss started to wheeze for breath, balling his hands into trembling fists. Cerebella just remained where she was, her whole body paralyzed with fear of what the furious elder before her would do in his current state of mind. Getting kicked out of the circus sounded like a reality now, or more like a nightmare. The green head just wanted something to make things better.

"You may like to hear some good news, sir." Said a voice that instead of sounding like an angel's sounded like a female devil's, a true demoness. "There's been sightings of him at Maplecrest along that irritating cat girl. It seems that the girl's mistake actually paid off to put two of our top targets together."

One glance would tell everyone that the new arrival was dangerous. She was a mature woman which body was covered with an elegant black dress, her face showed by a matching hat and veil. She looked straight out of an old mafia movie, but what would stand out like a grindhouse movie feature was that her arm was a grenade launcher. This was none other than Black Dahlia, Lorenzo's bodyguard.

Cerebella fought a shiver, for this was the woman that the Medici called when they wanted someone dead, "What do you mean mistake? I knew exactly where I was leading them to. Maplecrest is where some of our best are hiding. If he looks there he's more than likely to run into a good few hundreds of our guys. Not to mention, I did tell him one important detail regarding Vitale."

"Which is…?" Black Dahlia started getting impatient.

The girl smiled, "That he's always moving and changing addresses, and that the only way to reach him is having him come to find you."

The gun-armed woman arched a brow behind her veil, "And he actually bought that?"

Cerebella narrowed her eyes, "I'll have you know all I told him was the truth he wanted. That the girls he wants to find, even that sick woman, are at Maplecrest where he'll get wasted. I informed him that Vitale's always moving around like the boss here to avoid trouble. And I also said that I'll make sure Vitale gets in contact with him."

Lorenzo's hands shook as he reached for a phone, "Well then… If this stupid brat likes to bet everything he has like a yakuza, then we shall see if he can truly bet his life like one too." He dialed a few numbers, and didn't wait long for a reply, "Tell my son that he better get ready for a game… and that I want to see my granddaughter soon."

Just as he said that, the phone rang again, and the instant Lorenzo picked it up everyone and their mother could hear the caller, "Boss! Bloody Hell! Send back-up! Send someone! Tell my Momma I am gonna miss her birthday party! Just… Help!"

On the other side of the line, in a large home at the top of a hill, there was a hidden passage to one massive underground warehouse. Claws, blades, teeth, and hair sent the mafia flying around. When not using his chokuto, Naruto was happy to use some spare kunais to fight far away enemies. When gangsters got too close for comfort they were greeted by a shoe to the face or him disappearing with a yellow flash.

"It's been a while since I've fought like this." Naruto told the girl on his shoulders, Hungern ready in her hands, "Watch over my right side if you can, I'll see if I can respond faster than you to get back in shape."

The tiny girl smirked at him, even pulling out her tongue, "Good luck, I'm going to make you eat my dust!" and with a swing of her large weapon, Hungern devoured five incoming knives from behind.

The knife thrower ground his teeth and readied another handful, only to feel a tendril around his throat with a growl of, "Piss off!" from Samson. Filia threw her right foot up, nailing the gangster in the chin with her partner's help adding more force to the kick.

Five men tried to flank her every side with chains, bats, brass knuckles, and hunting knives. Samson gave out a roar as dozens of his tendrils shot around, getting every gangster and knocking them flat on their backs. Filia didn't relax when one ducked under the strike and tried to sweep-kick her. Thinking quickly, or more like acting on instinct, the girl brought down her head, with Samson transforming into heavy ram horns.

The impact had the gangster seeing stars while Filia allowed herself a pause to catch her breath, making someone let out a playful smirk, "Having a bit of a bad hair day, guys?!" Nadia asked as she pounced on two guys at the same time, her nails moving in a blur. After leaving large gashes on their clothes and marks that would scar, she acrobatically jumped over them, rolled in the air, and slammed both feet on another.

Upon landing, the nimble cat girl took on a pose with both arms stretched like she expected a round of applause. Of course, she just meant to anger the gangsters, who rushed at her. With a grin, and doing something that impressed her new partners, she reached for her round and toned behind. Yanking her tail, she easily pulled it off and held it like a sword, parrying a strike from a machete before kicking her attacker's face.

"What the…" Samson started, scratching his brow with one tendril while two others grabbed two gangsters by the head, slamming their skulls together.

Nadia smirked, "A little gift from these guys." She said with a feline growl at the end, "Thanks to them my body is a living puzzle, but that just means I get to pull some tricks to annoy them. Hey, Fishcake!" she said as she, much to everyone's shock, ripped off her head and kicked it at the blond, "Heads up!"

Reacting quickly after getting off the initial shock, Naruto brought up his right leg, and made sure that Nadia's head landed on it without any damage before seeing a charging gangster. With a battle cry, he launched the feline girl's head like it was a soccer ball. In turn, Nadia's neck stump let out a jet of blood to propel her further. The end result was a pretty nasty head-butt that took down a two-hundred-pound man.

"Did Minette ever tell you she could do that?" Filia asked her classmate in a mixture of awe and disgust as Nadia's headless body punched a gangster that tried to run off… with the arm extending from the scars.

"She did mention something along the lines of being resourceful, but I bet she didn't tell me because I may have thought she was pulling my leg." Naruto answered before blocking a punch with his elbow. This got his opponent's knuckles to crack and break, leaving him vulnerable for Umbrella to smash him on the head with Hungern.

"Come on, recruit, you have to do better than that!" Umbrella said, "Don't let the competition get ahead of you or you'll have janitorial duty cleaning my room!"

"Of course." He said before getting to work.

Taking the girl's words as their cue, two goons rushed Fortune from the side. The cat girl suddenly held out her arms and spun her entire torso around like a top, blasts of blood shooting up like a virtual tornado, and enveloping her in a cyclone of blood.

"You jackasses wanted the thunder, now reap the furlwind!" Her movements sent the goons flying away from her before flipping her entire body backwards, actually bending her body in an unsettling manner similar to a crab. The cat woman acrobatically flung her entire body into a side-ways body slam, knocking down a trio of thugs in a single instant, "How many times do I gotta tell you? Make like kitty litter and piss off!"

She flipped herself back onto her feet, her head whirling around like a boomerang before she caught it and adjusted it calmly on the top of her neck. Meanwhile, a massive goon holding a two by four iron girder was slamming it down on Naruto's sword, the blond giving an annoyed grunt before he let the pressure go. She would have helped had she not noticed how he was acting.

Sliding back calmly as the man slammed his metal club where he just was, a cloud of dust shot up before he noticed Naruto was completely. Spinning around when he heard a click, the goon blinked before his sunglasses, outfit, and underwear were completely trashed leaving him naked.

Sheathing his sword, the blond couldn't resist an old classic. "It's not the size of the sword fool, it's how one uses it… I even closed my eyes, that's how little effort this took. Even a blind man could take you." He whirled around and used the sheath of his sword to bludgeon the man into unconsciousness.

Filia for her part was using Samson to get some distance away from a thug with a couple of bats covered in razor blades. Her parasitic friend had turned into a large spider and was doing a good job keeping the distance by crawling away while the schoolgirl threw in a few good kicks. Her shoes passed by the dangerous bludgeoning and cutting weapons with careful aim to keep her opponent at bay.

It was when she and Samson neared a wall that the gangster smirked, held both bladed bats up, and jumped at the two. With his weapons over his head, he swung them down to try to smash both parasite and user into a bloody paste. Samson merely gave out a snort as he crawled up into the ceiling, making the gangster nail his bats on the floor. Despite his grunting, the man wasn't getting them out anytime soon.

"Don't look up!" the red eyed girl cried as she jumped down, both hands on her skirt and her feet put together.

The gangster did look up, immediately getting blinded by the girl's soles. It was with a loud smack that he bent back until, with an echoing smashing sound, his head hit the ground with Filia still on top of his face. Her own face was a bit red as she feared whether he saw her underwear or no, but shook it off when hearing how the others were still fighting.

The battle was just getting crazy.

XXXXXX

"What do we got here?" a young female voice asked with dark merriment at the sight of an empty warehouse, "Seems like someone beat me to the punch, but it doesn't look like there was much of a punchline."

The one that had arrived was short, to say the least, barely a teenager. She had short reddish orange hair, black empty eyes, a fit but very slim body that could be confused with a cutting board, and a black dress. On her head rested an ever stylish top hat, and it completed the theme of a lady's wardrobe from the 1920s. However, there were some traits that stood out like a sore thumb, like the fact she was armed.

Armed to the teeth did begin to describe her, quite literally, as her teeth were a bear trap which was well polished and set into a rather maniacal grin. Her arms were thin metallic appendages, each with three odd "feathers" with eyes on them. And she hid her artificial hands in white gloves, her right one pulling a large cigar from her mouth to shake it a little, just enough to drop some ashes on the floor.

"Doesn't smell like Skullgirl work to me, boss." Said… a walking anvil, with boxing gloves.

"Yeah, their insides are still inside." Added a walking ton weight, with a T on his forehead.

"Squawk! Hey, aren't those marks like that Fortune kitty cat's claws?!" shouted a cartoonish bird dressed like the redhead girl, after popping out of her hat.

The little redhead smirked and put the cigar back in her mouth, "Doesn't seem like it was just her. She's got a party going and she hasn't invited me. Whoever's there better be sorry for not telling me of this fun. I may actually have to buy a rug for them, and then wrap them in it and throw it into a bottomless pit."

"It looks like they had the kiddie gloves on, though." The anvil said, "They just tied them up real good."

"Probably didn't want to get their clothes dirty fighting these mooks." The bird in the hat commented.

"Nah, when it's about fighting these guys, you gotta get dirty." The girl said with a large predatory smile before kicking one of the gangsters back to consciousness, "Heya, pal! How about you tell good ol' lil' Peacock who thinks they can do her job? And for that matter, heard of any Skullgirls hanging around?"

The gangster breathed in deeply before taking his time to wheeze out a reply with the pain his ribs were in, "Go… to… fuck… yourself… bitch…"

The girl, Peacock, just smiled wider as she held her cigar to the man's face, "Want a smoke?"

The gangster flinched, "Th-There's a storage room not far from here. You need to go through a tunnel to find them, and-" and his mouth was stuffed by a large cigar.

"Hey, I just wanted to know if you wanted a smoke." The girl said with an enormous grin, "But you earned it, enjoy!" she then lit the end of the cancer stick and walked off.

Seeing her gun, the man decided to start enjoying the sweet smoke in his lungs to calm the fire in his heart. Three drags later and the cigar reached a special pellet in it. The next second the man's face was covered in sooth, his lips numb, and his eyes blinking in disbelief at what just happened. All that he had to comprehend what happened were the remains of the cigar that clung to his mouth.

"Hey boss, shouldn't we tell the Doc to send for backup?" the walking ton asked as the odd group walked through the tunnel, "If this is a Skullgirl's show and biz, we could use the big man himself."

The redhead snorted, "Puh-lease! The old one-man band prefers that snore-fest music over some good old fashioned show with cats, mice and dogs beating each other with bicycles and then looking at each other with really stern faces!" she gave a thoughtful nod with a hand on her chin, "No appreciation for the classics that built this society with some good foundations."

The anvil ventured a guess, "Violence and over the top visuals?"

"What else is this society made of, honest politicians and generous businessmen?" she spat on the ground, nailing a gangster's balding head, "Bleh, now you got me thinking of elections and boring junk!"

"But whoever's doing this is strong and not alone." The cartoonish bird commented, "Do you want to waste time fighting them and missing Annie's new show?"

Peacock grinned predatorily, "You know who you're talking to, Avery old pal, old chum, old buddy of mine? I'm Freaking Peacock, I eat danger for breakfast, evil for brunch, Skullgirls for lunch, and some sweet burgers for dinner!" she licked her lips, "Add in some large fries and we'll enjoy tonight's little celebration tapping over whatever skull belongs to the fool who thinks they can beat me."

However, just as she neared a door at the end of the tunnel a large steel door on the other side burst open. From it several Dagonian girls ran off, looking more than happy to be out yet still scared of what place they were still in. When they noticed the little girl before them, they stopped trying to escape and got tense, making even Peacock feel like something would put her pumpkin-like bloomers in a knot.

"Who… what is that?" one of the fish girls asked, making the tiny redhead snarl at them.

"What's the matter with you? Haven't seen a cute little deadly cyborg in your life?" she asked with her cigar out, wagging it in her fingers to get some ash off, "Anywho, why don't you all try to be babes and tell me who is dishing out beatings without the sheriff's consent? I ought to teach them some manners and a few dancing lessons…" she pulled out a massive revolver literally out of thin air, "…with some bullets."

"Heads up!" a voice shouted from the room at the end of the tunnel, making the girls duck down save for the only one that seemed somewhat human.

Peacock's eyes widened when seeing a boy in a dashing green uniform sailing in the air with his feet using a gangster as a skateboard. Upon landing he skid on the ground to a stop with the Medici grunt's suit getting ruined, as well as his back. Once the ride stopped, the boy hopped off and looked back to the room the Dagonian girls were at, and was about to get back in, had his body not reacted out of instinct.

Whirling around, the blond swung his blade backwards in an arc, cutting a bullet that wouldn't have hit anything but the wall, and splitting it in half, "Hey, not bad for a warning shot." Peacock said with a large grin, "Say, you wouldn't happen to know of a demonic artifact that can grant eternal power and kill anything in sight, would ya?"

He just stared at her dumbfounded, squinting his eyes a bit, "Does Umbrella have another sister she didn't talk to me about?"

"What're you saying, soldier?!" said small princess yelled when jumping back on her favorite seat, his shoulders, "I'm way too cute to be related to some girl in such an old dress."

The redhead showed them her bear trap set of teeth with a nasty snarl, "Watch your mouth, girly, otherwise I may have to shove a bar of soap down your yapper and see how far it goes!"

Sighing and making an observation that it wasn't from Nadia's jokes, Naruto spoke, "Can you two not fight? We've got enough with the Medici and getting these girls free, not to-"

"Stop right there, partner." The little redhead said while tipping her hat up with the tip of her gun, showing a feral smirk, "If there's a gal with the right to beat those mooks, aside from an old acquaintance of mine, it's yours truly. Now, I did come to hunt myself a Skullgirl, but seeing others getting ahead of me when it's an all-you-can-beat gangster buffet… That ain't gonna fly with this Peacock."

"Aren't you a bit greedy?" Naruto retorted, "There's plenty of them to go around, and I'm sure whoever you have an issue with isn't around here. Those guys are usually behind a desk."

Peacock smiled, "Wow, you're smart! Wouldn't have thought about it seeing how you're giving your little sister a piggyback ride like a cute, nice big brother."

Umbrella pouted, "He's not my brother, he's my future captain! His sword belongs to me you floozy!" Naruto was tempted to smack his face with how those words could be taken, but he had to keep a steady hand on the real sword on htis hip in case the girl before him decided to get violent.

Peacock did get violent, with her words at least, "Who're you calling a floozy, you hussy?! At least I ain't trying to ride him like he's a pony! Heck, I'd ride him like he were a real stallion!"

Naruto didn't sigh, he whined, "Does this actually make me a lolicon?" the Dagonian girls did feel sorry for him, but they didn't dare intervene between the two angry girls, mainly because both were armed.

Cackling when she heard him, Peacock actually made a platform, of course shaped like her face, rise her body up to stare him in the eyes. Her cheeky grin making the blond haired man step back and Umbrella puff her cheeks up in fury. "I'm thirteen big guy. In addition, I am a lot more mature than the little tyke you have riding on yer back like a monkey! Trust me when I say this, forbidden fruit tastes the sweetest!"

She teased him by biting at the air in front of him playfully, but he stepped away to keep his nose from being ripped off by the bear trap jaws she had.

"…Right…." He said, unwilling to admit how surreal it was to have a girl who was only a few years younger than him flirt openly with him.

Umbrella on the other hand was absolutely outraged as Peacock cackled at her expression of rage, "Hey now, hey now! Don't get too buttmad there! I'd let you join in if ya wanted, how's that one for a twist there kiddo?" Her mocking grin, only made Umbrella even more furious as she clutched Hungern tightly in her fists.

"Don't mock me you… you… DOUBLE FLOOZY!" Peacock's audible gasp made Naruto figure what Umbrella just said was a horrible insult in the Canopy Kingdom. Umbrella herself seemed a little shocked at her rudeness until she saw Peacock clapping wildly, her entire assembly doing the same.

"Now that's some gumption ya got there tiny! Color old Peacock impressed, you can actually give as good as ya get! That being said… Put 'em up sister, you know this means war! What ya said was fighting words!" Peacock as ever was impossible to keep down for long, and as she put on a pair of massive boxing gloves, Naruto felt a sense of impossibility wash over him.

An anvil was rubbing Peacock's shoulders while her bird doppelganger was putting in a mouth guard for her trip, "Now Boss I'll warn ya, that chick's got a mean umbrella on her, that thing took out a bunch of guys with one bite! Be careful of her right, and give her the works!"

"I'll give her the old Peacock Combo! A POW Right to the kisser! Then a left, a right, and an uppercut!" Peacock spat to the side into a spittoon as a pair of cartoonish bombs both clanged a bell to start the match.

"Teach her some manners, soldier!" Umbrella cheered on his shoulders.

"Wait, why me?! This is your mess!" the young future recruit cried.

Umbrella grinned, "You're my future captain and have to fight battles for me! And… I admittedly don't think I can handle her and all her goons, so I'm providing backup."

The anvil blinked, before grinning, "Change of plans, boss, hit him where it hurts!"

"You know it!" the little redhead cheered while she and her cartoonish minions charged the blond and his tinier boss.

Drawing out his sword and holding it with the tip aimed at the obviously crazy girl, Naruto had to ponder how did his life get this weird. At least Filia and Nadia seemed to be doing well kicking the gangsters around. Peacock aimed her gun at him, and while he expected her to fire, she did something plain bizarre. A large cleaver like sword straight from some RPG shot out, nearly ripping him a new one.

One arm and he could still parry and deflect the attacks of a tiny girl, which sounded less impressive than he thought it was when spinning around Peacock. He was about to try to knock her out with the handle meeting her head, but things got even weirder. With a smirk, Peacock just jumped down into a hole that appeared out of nowhere, and closed. He was alarmed at first, remembering his first fight with Kakashi.

And then, "Missed us?!" shouted the anvil and the weight, the first throwing a mean right hook Naruto side-stepped while Umbrella smacked the latter away.

"Missed me?!" Peacock shouted while popping out of another hole, which closed beneath her feet, and aimed her gun at the blond, "Garbage Day!" this time she actually fired, and she fired actual oversized bullets.

Naruto opted to surprise her with his own tricks, jumping over the bullets and disappearing in a yellow flash, "Soldier!" Umbrella cried, flailing in the air before noticing she was about to land on Peacock. Glaring at the girl, she grabbed Hungern and slammed it down on the redhead.

Peacock merely grinned maniacally as she brought out a pie, as in a baked good was brought into a deadly fight, and used it to stop the living umbrella and push Umbrella back. Said tiny pink haired girl managed to land on the ground, albeit stumbling back, and held her weapon like her sister taught her. She and Peacock locked eyes for a moment with the redhead smirking and Umbrella frowning.

"Worry not, I'll take good care of your boy toy, perhaps introduce him to a friend or two… after I paint this tunnel red with ya!" the maniacal cartoonish girl cheered.

Umbrella huffed, puffing her cheeks, "Not if I make you eat your hat first, you floozy!" she shouted, now really furious that she had to fight this girl.

"No, you don't." Naruto said as he appeared behind Peacock and lifted her up the ground.

"Hey, what's the big idea?!" the redhead cried while trying to swing at the blond, but despite having arms almost as long as her body Naruto could still dodge them while holding her up. That's when the tiny bird popped out of her hat, jumped at his hand, and stabbed his wrist with a tiny knife. Naruto let out a yelp of pain when the small blade nearly hit a nerve, and dropped the girl.

"Dammit." He cursed while Umbrella climbed back on his shoulders.

"Oof, thanks Aviary! I almost feared for my girldhood." Peacock said, which in turn made Naruto inwardly curse his luck at what she was implying, the small girl smirking at his stressed self, "You got disappearing tricks too?! Nice! I wanted to see if someone could play some games with me, mainly whack-a-mole!"

Seeing her pull out a large mallet out of nowhere made him curious, "How do you keep pulling all this stuff?"

Peacock beamed, "Pal, I was made to fight Skullgirls! I've got some help from good old Doctor Avian! But you and that little chewed gum of your boss are just getting in my way, which is why a good old fashioned beating is in need. You know, good old street fighting and rules."

"Well, I got some good old tricks up my sleeves." He said while twirling his sword in his hand.

Peacock cackled, "That's the spirit!" she and her minions rushed at him, trying to flank him, but when he stopped spinning his sword, Naruto stabbed it on the ground. At first Peacock was confused, until seeing a blue orb in his left hand made of pure energy spiraling inside. She was about to try to question what trick he was pulling, but he showed her what it was.

"Rasengan!" the blond shouted, slamming the orb of raw chakra on the ground, this resulted in the tunnel trembling, the ground splitting, and chunks of concrete flying right at Peacock and her minions.

Said redhead quickly disappeared into another hole, while her cartoonish support got knocked back by the flying rubble. "What in the name of Sam's big red mustache was that?!" the girl cried in shock while reappearing on the ground on her hands and knees, too baffled to even stand up.

Naruto for his part pumped his only arm, "Yeah, still got it!"

Umbrella's eyes turned into stars, "Wow… Best soldier ever, and he's mine to boss around." She mumbled in awe.

Nadia and Filia entered the scene, just as shocked, while the remaining Dagonian girls were silent, Nadia couldn't hold it in, though, "So… you killed the floor." Everyone, even Samson and Peacock, groaned at the joke, except Naruto who was aiming his sword at the redhead.

"Yeah, I killed the floor and caught a chick. But that's not the only trick I got. So you can choose, we can keep this up, or…" he stabbed the blade on the ground again before putting Umbrella in front of Peacock, "You two can actually make my life easier, and apologize for what you said and talk this through to stop this fight."

Both girls were shocked, "You just want to stop the fight just like that?!" they asked in unison.

He nodded, "What, does it look like I actually want to fight every person I meet?"

Nadia grinned, "That'd have been an awkward meeting between us."

"Then I hope I'm not making this too awkward." Said a new voice, as from the shadows appeared none other than Black Dahlia, arm gun aimed at the group, "Truly, that girl did do wonders for us, getting all of you here like rats in a cage. It's like shooting fish in a barrel."

Nadia grinned, "Black Dahlia, so the Medici are so mad I scratched their furniture they got to send their worst killer out for me?"

"I wouldn't make jokes if I were you, this is no laughing matter. I just have a little deal my boss wants to discuss to make some things official." The black clad woman said, holding a remote in her hand, "Do you believe Lorenzo wouldn't try to make sure our job got jeopardized without some measures? A push of this button, and I can decide what part of this tunnel to seal off or how much of it I want to see collapsing."

Everyone tensed, but just as Naruto was about to call her bluff, he saw something. In the hole he just made to knock out Peacock's minions was a bomb, a very big one. The only reason it didn't blow up was because it was, as the blinking green light said, unarmed. When Black Dahlia pushed a button, the light stopped blinking and a new one did, a red one which had the word armed on it.

"Sorry, Whiskers." Just as she said those words, Cerebella appeared, taking Umbrella with her.

"This is just a good day." Black Dahlia said with a smile while Cerebella held the small princess with Vice Versa.

XXXXXX

It felt like a year, but after everything started happening it moved so fast that our group of heroes was in disbelief. Umbrella had been put an odd collar around her neck, Black Dahlia escorted the fighters to a limo, and all the while Cerebella stared at Naruto with an expression he couldn't read. She didn't seem malicious for once, she just looked, dare he say it, concerned, but it was like she tried not to be.

Seeing a little girl taken hostage and having their enemy threaten to use a bomb that could kill the Dagonian girls made everyone, even Peacock, follow orders. While Naruto did want to get the detonator, he knew that he also had to get Umbrella, and try as he could there was no way he could be at two places at the same time. At least not without another hand to do the proper hand seal.

Soon Black Dahlia entered the limousine, chuckling softly, "I've just called our boss. Pleased doesn't begin to describe how he feels. He's making accommodations for our arrival. When we get there, you shall meet your sister, little girl." She said, caressing Umbrella's cheek mockingly.

Said little girl bit the assassin's fingers, "Don't touch me, you- ah!" she choked, holding the collar when sharp pain shot through her.

"Stop it!" Naruto shouted, trying to reach her only to see the detonator once again in the dark clad woman's hand.

"This little bitch has to learn manners, that's why I'm keeping a tighter leash on her than her sister did." Black Dahlia said, before turning to Cerebella, "But in all honesty, I'm just surprised at our good luck. We have the stray cat you were looking for, the boy you could never get to date you, the girl your boss wanted to find, and even the brat that princess who ruins our business loves more than her own life."

Nadia nearly hissed, "You aren't putting a leash on me, that's for sure! After everything you tried to do to Minette and what you did to her people just now there's no way I'm letting Lorenzo walk out of this!"

"You said it, sister!" Peacock agreed, "That man ain't going to wake up from his next nap, that's for sure!"

"Do you still want to choose what happens next?" Dahlia asked coldly, "I still have the detonator and those girls remain in the tunnel. A single push, and maybe they'll be locked in for days without food or water. Or maybe another push could bury them and save them that pain. If you don't want that, your little princess can pay for your insults."

Everyone ground their teeth, for never before had they felt so impotent. Soon the vehicle stopped and they were escorted at gunpoint to the top floor where none other than a furious Parasoul could be seen confronting none other than Lorenzo Medici. The old man grinned when seeing the tiny pink haired girl in a collar, and the blond boy escorted by the acrobat as well as many others.

"Umbrella!" Parasoul said, about to reach her, but saw Black Dahlia holding her gun to the small girl's head, "Lorenzo, let her go this instant or no matter what it takes, your execution will arrive!"

"You think your threats will have any effect on me, princess?" the man cackled, "It appears you don't know what we want from all of this."

"Speak up, then." Naruto said.

"It seems we finally meet, boy. I expected you to be taller, but oh well... I am Lorenzo Medici, and I now own you." The old man cackled, "You have no idea how long have I waited for this, to see so many of you here… We have one of those pesky lab rats that try to get the Skull Heart, the cat that took my precious artifact, the boy who my son wants in his circus, and you… my granddaughter."

Filia's eyes widened while everyone stared at her in equal shock, "Wha-What?! You're kidding, right?!" she stepped back, staring at the man while feeling her breath fade away.

Lorenzo smiled, "It's been so long since I've seen you, but to think my own blood would use a parasite…" he sneered, "It's disgusting to think that some filth would take you from us just when you were about to be one of our prized family members. With your beauty, I could've married you to anyone."

Shock turned to anger, "Then I'm glad I no longer have memories of you, grandfather or not!" she closed her eyes, shaking, "If this is what my memories hold for me I'm glad I learnt of this, so I don't become like you! I've seen what you've done to this city, to my friends, even to your own subordinates!"

Lorenzo smiled, "Subordinates? You mean those useless to me… It's when they have no value that I give them what they deserve, be it words or a proper punishment! Like that green haired tart there will get for failing so much!"

Said green head gasped, "But I-I captured the princess! It was because of my plan that you got everyone he-"

"Because of your failures which had us laughed at!" Lorenzo shouted, slamming his hands on the table, "It was because we planned around your mistakes that made us look like fools that we got something! The only thing you're good at may as well be posing in that circus as a freak!"

Naruto tightened his hand so tightly into a fist his nails started to cut into his skin, Cerebella looked like she had been slapped, she looked physically and emotionally hurt by those words, "B-But I still made things work, didn't I? I'm still useful to Vitale, am I not?! I… I can still fight, I can still do something, right?! Right?!"

Her eyes were on the verge of tearing up, and it made everyone, even Nadia, want to look away. But they couldn't.

"That is enough, Cerebella." Said a new voice, as the second main man made his entrance, not as flamboyantly as the circus girl when she was at the casino.

The girl stiffened, before turning to him, "Hey… I am still useful, right? I can still do something… right?" her smile was shaking, her knees threatening to give in under her own weight.

"You failed us, and we shall talk about it later." The man said, not even looking as the girl fell down to her knees as he walked to the blond, "I can finally meet you face to face, Naruto Uzumaki. Never would I have thought that I'd put my own life on the line like this to meet a boy like you, yet our informants told us of your trip here and I couldn't resist. Oh, apologies for my rudeness. I am-"

"Vitale Medici." Naruto cut him off with a glare, "Lorenzo's son and second in command. You're also the guy who's been sending those mooks after me."

Vitale was a pretty big guy with a rounder built than the average male, yet he still looked strong. His brown and neatly kept suit, rectangular glasses, brown beard, and slicked back brown hair gave away who he was. He also looked old, yet also young enough to be considered either a genius or lucky man to not only be in charge of the Medici at his age, but also running a casino as big as the one he was in.

"If you want this little brat unharmed, I have a bet for you." The man said while putting a large cigar to his lips, which a nearby gangster lit up for him. "Now, I do believe I can't see you as a fool. Yet you're still a boy. So naïve, bringing your friends here in hopes that things will be easier when in reality you're putting them in harm's way. Just like you did now."

"What do you want for Umbrella, to have me work for you?!" he roared.

The man smiled, "No, that'd be too cheap. This is the youngest heiress to the throne of Canopy, the one kingdom to get in my family's business for far too long. Even a gem like you pales in comparison to her. No, dear boy, I'm afraid you need to raise your bet." A small smile spread on the man's face, so minuscule it was barely noticeable yet it was still there, "Your current boss, however, has something I'm interested in."

"Whatever it is, don't give it to- ah!" a squeeze from the collar made Umbrella twitch in her biddings, causing her friends, family, and loyal subjects to glare at Vitale. Parasoul looked ready to murder someone.

The spectacled man merely pulled off his glasses and cleaned them with a handkerchief, "I do desire to have the crown's word that the Black Egrets and every force in Canopy Kingdom will ignore some of our more… questionable business tactics. I assure you, I am being kind. It's just a faster way for my father and I to do our job for a little girl."

Parasoul bit her lower lip, "And you're willing to bet on it like it's some joke! What kind of twisted game are you playing, you piece of scum?!"

Vitale chuckled lightly while putting his glasses back on, "It is no game, Your Highness, it's how life works. You see, it won't matter how we do this, it's how we agree on it. None of our forces will ever think of this as fair if the other side tries to get the upper hand. So, here and now, we are letting luck decide. I do know your new recruit could kill me, which is why I have my little bargaining chip at my side."

Naruto gripped his sword tighter, "I could just get it over with and cut your head off."

The man didn't even move a facial muscle hearing that, and did so only to talk back, "I'm afraid that'd mean losing your chance to get this collar off your princess' neck, or do you prefer Dagonian blood? Only I know how to get rid of the collar, and I'm the one man able to say his life is linked to that girl's. You see, there is a special bomb in that collar. Should I die, I'll have to tell you to get ready for my and the girl's funeral."

Grinding her teeth until sparks came out of her mouth, Peacock growled, "There'll only be one funeral, pal, and I plan on tap-dancing on top of your grave!"

"Big words for a little girl." Vitale said before approaching the group, "It is your choice in the end. I do know I am nothing without this little girl to hide behind against all of you, which is why I'm giving you a way to earn your victory or accept defeat. A game of cards where, should I lose and try any dirty tricks, my reputation will be tarnished in such a way very important deals would be lost to my family."

Naruto chuckled bitterly, "So you're saying you're putting your family's name on the line? Not like anyone would trust you from the start, but I can see what you mean. You want to win this fair, just so you can brag that you beat an army without violence. This is all for the sake of making yourself look tough."

Vitale gave the boy a bigger, warmer smile, "Whatever fool failed to see the talent you had shall be dealt with. You caught on. Indeed," he started while adjusting his glasses, "what moves me to partake in this game isn't just having you work for me, it's how I do it. That is why all of us shall agree on it on a written document."

With a snap of his fingers, the mob boss summoned a man in a clean suit with a contract in hand. Parasoul read it with narrowed, hateful eyes, "You can't be serious."

"But I am, I-" Vitale was about to gloat a bit, but was halted by Naruto.

"How about you raise your own bet?" the boy said, walking to be face to face with the man, staring him dead in the eye, "What you want for Umbrella is a life, my life. I may not be royalty, but I guess I qualify as more. You must know why I pissed off Eliza, and what she has in store. You clearly want me because I can deal with her, what I left with that witch, and the Skullgirl."

Lorenzo growled, "You little brat… You think you can-"

"Even I can tell!" Parasoul said, "The sightings of the Skullgirl, the fact you're into hiding. You just want Naruto and his friends to fight her, don't you?! You're that desperate because you have no men capable of doing that after she started killing them and Naruto's your best bet! For Umbrella and the Dagonians, I'd say he's more than enough."

"Hey!" the little girl shouted. "I get what you're saying, but I'm still your sister!"

"I know, but right now I have to take this bet seriously, as much as it pains me." The princess said.

Naruto continued for her, "And you want an army to follow your orders along my life. That isn't a fair bet. You have to put something equal to it, otherwise you're forcing us to play for one apple by putting two in the table." Then he aimed his hand to a certain green head, "If you want to make this fair, if I win I want the Cirque de Cartes to be free! No more jobs for you or your family, they will work for themselves!"

The acrobat gasped, her eyes wide open in disbelief, "Whiskers…" she breathed out in shock.

Vitale smiled, "That is nowhere near enough. While it's true that the Black Egrets have commendable soldiers, there's no way all of them could compare to Cerebella or the others. You're asking for the ones that have protected my family since we took them in, nurtured them, educated them, and gave them a life better than resting in a dirty box on the road."

"Then…" Filia said, stepping forward, "You wanted to talk to me, right… uncle?" she glared at the man, "I am Lorenzo Medici's granddaughter, which means I am one of the people with access to his fortune and properties. You know what that means, right? Well, I bet my own life too! Vitale Medici, if you win, I will renounce the Medici family as my own flesh and blood, but I will work for them too!"

"Kid, no! Don't be an idiot!" Samson growled, "You… You were never like them to begin with, so-"

"If my friend's risking his life, so will I!" she said with her eyes burning with determination, "I can't… I won't let them hurt Umbrella or take my friends that easily, and I won't let them use Cerebella and the circus! If this is what it takes to win, I plan on betting everything I have in someone I trust!"

"Damn straight, and if you want to bet for the Dagonians, then here I am!" Nadia shouted, slamming a hand to her chest, "See if you can take this damn orb off me for them, how's that sound?!"

"And throw in some of the finest Anti-Skullgirl armory in too!" Peacock yelled, raising a hand up, "You better believe I want a part in this bet, even if it's as a bargaining chip! If it's to bring you mooks down, I'm happy to bet everything too!"

"Well said!" Naruto shouted, returning to locking eyes with the mob boss, "What do you say, are you ready to play?!"

Vitale smiled at the glaring boy, before chuckling, "Hahahah… fine, I shall enjoy this. It sounds more than fair. Should I win, I'll be known as my father's only worthy relative, have a free path, and many good soldiers. Sure, I can bet the circus for that." He then turned to Lorenzo, "What do you say, father?"

The elder mob boss grinned, "Sure, it's been a while since I've enjoyed a game like this… But just know, boy…" he cackled at the blond, "You only got one chance."

"It's an obvious trap, they could always back away from their word to try to ruin us." Parasoul told her new recruit, "Why do you think they're even doing this?"

"That is exactly why we should beat them at their own game." He replied.

The redhead resisted the urge to bite her lip, "There's something more, much more. We found Skullgirl activity where you were at Maplecrest thinning out their numbers. They're desperate enough to bet things like this just to have us fight the Skullgirl. Even a fool can tell this is rigged, so I'll ask if that confidence is because you know of this or are just desperate."

Naruto smiled, "I've got experience playing games with these guys, another one won't hurt."

Vitale smiled, "Good. In that case." With a snap of his fingers a table appeared between him and the blond. "I hope to have a good game."

Naruto sat down and got ready, "Let's play." The spectacled mob boss just smiled more.

"There's talent in everyone's eyes, boy." Vitale told the blond, "The only worth is their own determination. Anyone can be born crippled, talented, with a forgettable family or with a rich past. However, it matters not. The only thing in this life that has any value is how much a single person can make their life worth. In every society everything spirals around that: how much money one's life is worth."

Naruto ground his teeth, "You expect me to just agree with that cynical bullshit?"

Vitale's eyes glinted, "You're just an orphan who can only use a single arm. Yet your strength can make you worth ten, no, twenty million in the right business. About a million per job. However, you never looked for a greater goal while living here, did you?"

The boy cringed slightly but kept his glare, "What're you getting at? I don't care what happens, I-"

"Do you think that will work?" Vitale said coldly and dryly, "You're about to graduate high school and you haven't decided what job to look for. Your luck had the Black Egrets offering you a position, but… you did nothing to object to it. It's not really your choice, it's the choice of a fool who moved towards whatever could feed him like a newborn bird reaching for whatever worms its mother will regurgitate."

"So says the man that has what he has because of who his father is!" Nadia growled at him with narrowed eyes.

Vitale scoffed, "The man I am does indeed come from my father's background, yet the business I built, the followers I obtained, everything I own and everything I've destroyed is by my hand. When a man works, puts every hour of their life into their business, and put aside all their temptations for the sake of building themselves, they obtain worth. But you… You're all nothing but leeches of this world."

"How about you cut the tough guy act and get to the point?!" Peacock shouted. "Play the game already!"

Vitale wasn't even fazed, "None of you have decided what to do with your lives. Even if you accomplished your goals and defeated me, what would be next? Work for the Egrets to keep the world the same as usual, picking pockets, training for a position birth handed you?"

Even Filia flinched at the words the man said, while Samson snapped his jaws at him, "So what?! They can do what they want!"

"Let me ask, what is it that you all really want with your own life, Naruto? Tell me, had the Black Egrets not offered you a job, what would you have done?" the mob boss asked calmly.

Naruto groaned, "That doesn't matter to me. I may try to figure how I got here and maybe a way home."

Vitale narrowed his eyes, "And just like that, you lost. Thinking that you'll leave things for later, thinking that you'll figure it out as you go… It'll come a time when you realize that your life has been filled with those thoughts, making excuses of why you never do it. And then, you'll have to accept that you should have done it sooner, and that notion will only hit you when you rest in your deathbed."

This time Naruto flinched… He had lived in New Meridian for over a year, and while he did think of going back home, he hadn't done a thing about it. Why? Millions of answers came to his mind, but they all sounded like excuses. He didn't know how he got there, he didn't know if there existed a way to go back, he couldn't use chakra and risk unleashing Shinju… But… he could have tried.

And then, when he tried to think about it, he felt a soft hand on his shoulder, "Don't doubt yourself, Naruto. You told me, remember? It doesn't matter who or what you are, but what you do in the moment. Sure, you may have no idea what the future has for you, but… that doesn't mean you can't act in the present. Here and now, you can start changing."

Vitale actually smiled, "Good… It seems that someone at least gets what's the difference between having talent, and using it."

Naruto's jaw loosened, before he put on a large smirk, "No, you're wrong. We all don't know a thing about talent or how to use it. There's just one thing we have…" he aimed a finger at the man, "A chance, the chance that is life! Like Filia said, here and now… I'll use my chance, my life, to change my future and that of everyone you've used, Vitale!"

This time the man smirked, a glint in his eyes, "Brave words, boy. Let's see if you can actually put your money where your mouth is."

 **XXXXXX**

And that's my rap!

If you got to bet big or go home... play Roundabout by YES!

Swordslinger out!


	6. Gambling Ocean

I OWN NOTHING

I did this listening to Chase the Light, Kaiji's 2nd season opening.

 **XXXXXX**

"Hey doc, where's the fire?"

Inside a dimly lit room three figures joined one in front of a large set of televisions stacked together. The one sitting on the couch before the screens was an elderly man with gray hair in a feathery style, sharp and a tad intimidating yet kind features, and a typical lab coat. He sat before the screens with worried red eyes and his hands laced together in worry.

"See for yourselves, everyone." He told a towering figure of a man, a younger and smaller man, and a female figure.

"Isn't that Peacock?!" questioned the largest of the group, a man twice the size of any normal man with his body covered in a large sand colored trench coat, with a matching fedora on top.

Curiously, the coat had metal flaps at the sides, and with the tube on his back designed like a saxophone's mouth piece, he looked like a walking jazz instrument. However, it could be seen it was not by choice with the mouth piece on his face which helped him breath. Add to that the fact his eyes were blank and one could tell he could have been considered legally dead before the procedure.

"It appears there's a game the Medici don't want anyone to miss." The doctor said. "This is a game they're broadcasting to every available city to show either their victory over the Canopy Kingdom, or their own downfall."

The large man sneered in his mouthpiece, "Sounds to me like they just rigged this to have a laugh at the lad."

"I wouldn't think so." The doctor said, staring at the kid's eyes, "One can tell a lot by looking at someone's eyes, and that boy is not afraid of what may as well be a trap."

"Heh, so he's got guts… if he wins, I'll owe him a drink when he's old enough." The trench coat wearing man had to admit, he wanted the boy to win.

Back at Little Innsmouth, Minette covered her mouth with her hands as she and her boss watched at their TV how Nadia stood behind Naruto, both glaring at none other than Vitale.

"Nadia, Naruto… you can do it." Minette cheered with determined eyes, "Please, win!"

"This is like some dream, but one I want to have a happy ending." the small catfish chef said, "What is going on here?"

As if answering his question in another part of the world, Albus growled as he brought a TV to his boss, "You have to see this, boss, that snot-nosed punk is playing against Vitale big time!"

Eliza's mouth curled into a cruel smirk, "I can't believe I am saying this after the pain he's given me…" she said, before stabbing the still possessed arm down with a blood dagger, "…but I hope he wins."

Horace came back with more nails to keep down the demonic limb, "It appears that whoever wins won't matter, we shall see the boy again, ma'am."

"Aha… hahahaha… that boy is just begging for me to break him!" she cackled, "You two get everything ready for his arrival, and I shall be delighted to add him and that little tart with Samson to my room decoration."

In a certain church, one nurse arrived with news, a TV, and her two current partners staring at it. The blonde nun couldn't help but chuckle while opening her eyes, the pure red orbs staring at the boy in merriment, "It seems your wish will be granted not by the Skull Heart alone." She told their companion.

Said companion was a small girl around Peacock's age with gray hair in a set of cute little pigtails kept tied up with skull pins, a maid outfit, a skeletal vacuum cleaner, and red glowing eyes. Her eyes lingered on the redhead's form for a bit before looking at the one who was challenging the Medici. As foolish as it seemed, and as ridiculous as it really was, she couldn't help but watch.

"I'm glad." The girl said, "It means my work has made Lorenzo desperate, but that is nowhere near enough. Even if this boy cripples their business in this game, that wretched family will remain like cockroaches. But…" she looked at Peacock again, "…if Patricia is cheering for him, then I guess I'll wish him luck."

The nurse smiled, "I guessed so. We can see how this ends up. However, if what the broadcast said before this started is true, should he lose then it's him and your little friend against you as Medici's new slaves." The gray haired girl balled her hands into fists, so the nurse continued, "That is another reason to cheer for him. He also seems intent on catching a certain jazz idol, Eliza."

The nun's features twisted into a nasty scowl, "Funny… It shall be the first time I will wish someone good luck after so long…"

Back in the casino, Naruto sneered at the lens, "What's with the camera? Want to get my good side before this game?"

"We just want to let people know how much Canopy's ruler trusts you and values you as a soldier." Vitale said coolly before snapping his fingers, a man appearing with trays of chips in his hands, "After all, the eyes may be a window to one's potential, but it's a good honest game of cards that lets you see their personality."

The dealer opened the new deck and presented the cards to the two players, all clean and unmarked, "So what's the game?" he grabbed the chips, observing that they were the same ones Cerebella used.

"It's a simple game." Vitale said as another man appeared to place between them a set of cards for each, "I believe every kid should know it."

The cards were flipped, twelve for each, and there were three kinds. Before the whiskered boy there were four cards with hands balled into fists, four cards with opened palms, and four cards with the middle and index finger spreading apart. The greedy mob boss was right, it was a game every child in the world should know about, one so simple it felt downright insulting.

"You're having us bet everything in rock-paper-scissors?" Naruto questioned, sounding actually offended.

"It's a simple game, in which you can reuse your cards as much as you'd like." Vitale said while shuffling his, "Your main objective is to use a set of four cards to beat mine. You must know that paper beats rock, right? In this game, having your set is fundamental. For example, say I play with all my cards using every scissors cards I have. If you play full rocks, it'd be your win."

"What if I combine them?" Naruto questioned.

Vitale smirked, "That's the trick… You can either bet big, or you can try to make all the combinations you want. However, you have to use four cards for each hand, and the game that this card set is based off is a trinity. You know what that means, don't you?"

Naruto felt like he had been hit, "It means I have to use at least the same kind of card twice in each hand since there's four of each. That's why I can reuse my cards."

"And that's how we bet." He placed a rock, a paper and two scissors cards, "For example, this hand with two scissors means your only way of defeating me is to have two rocks at the very least. In that case, you'd win the exact kind of chips we both bet. However, if you had three or four rocks and trumped my hand of two scissors, even if I had a pair of papers, your price would be doubled or tripled respectively."

Naruto nodded, taking in the rules easily and seeing the risk in such a card game, "And seeing these chips, we both have a million worth each." He slammed down his only hand over his cards, flipped them down, and shuffled them as quickly as possible. When he was done, he had his hand hovering over them while glaring at the collected mob boss. "But what if I have a set of two rocks and you have a set of four scissors?"

Vitale smiled, "Then your set of rocks would crush my hand, because rock beats scissors. And you'd get triple, seeing as you beat a hand of four of the same."

"So I can risk it all or play small." Naruto narrowed his eyes at the man.

"Let's see if you're worth that much, boy." Vitale said, allowing himself to give a faint smile while holding up four cards, "I'm set with my own hand, four cards. At this time I have to declare it so I don't back down. Like this: set."

"Set." Naruto said, holding up his cards.

Vitale smiled, "Then the next part is the bet… I'll put two hundred thousand." He said, the chips sliding in between the two while playing with the cards in his hand.

Naruto could feel it, his body going tense… This was a game of pure luck, simple blind luck. It was like the story of a wandering samurai, his eyes closed as he moved forward. However, in the middle of the road, he was met with bandits. Their leader was cunning, having his lackeys surrounding the lone sword wielder in the middle of the road with a cliff dropping to the deep ocean on one side, and more bandits on the other.

In this game, he needed to see how his enemy would attack, use his every sense beside his useless sight to predict what he'd do. There were many attacks waiting to be unleashed, and his only option was to draw his sword. With a tight grip on his cards like they were his sword, Naruto pulled up his cards, feeling everyone's breaths held in their chests.

He could feel it, how everyone put their life on this game, even Cerebella, as they, dressed in beautiful kimonos, prayed for his safe trip.

Parasoul and Umbrella were the daughters of a good magistrate that lost their parents. Nadia was a kunoichi that swore loyalty to her good friends resting in peace. Filia was a lost shrine maiden praying for her lost memories along a questionable partner. He could even sense Peacock and Cerebella at his side, both extravagant performers who shred too many tears. And he was the samurai who'd fight for them!

Their souls gave his hand strength as he showed his blade to the bandit leader, putting his life in the frontlines, "A hundred and fifty thousand."

Vitale chuckled so softly it was more like he hummed, "Taking the defensive approach. You can be careful when you see an obvious danger, but you are also hotheaded when seeing someone threatening you, or rather, what you care for. It's by that altruism of yours that your hand will shake, and soon you will have to realize that you've bet your real life. There is no stepping back now, boy."

"There never was for me." Naruto said, glaring at the man, whose eyes glinted.

"Draw!" Vitale shouted, and both players put down their cards, yet to everyone it was like both sides drew their weapons.

The samurai landed the first hit, "Two rocks." Naruto said, locking eyes with the bandit leader.

Vitale smiled calmly while one of his bandits fell, his chips being the blood of that underling who fell to Naruto, "Two scissors, and two papers." He showed his cards, and indeed he had two of the type of card he said he had, "It seems it's a draw."

Naruto cringed, as in his mind the bandit he took out managed to strike his side, not really harming him but showing an opening. That wasn't a life he risked for nothing, the man was clearly trying to see him play.

But he could see it! It was obvious, something that'd drive any man to insanity if they paid close attention to it! Vitale's hand was meant to counter Naruto's from the start, as if he knew what cards he'd pick! It wasn't like he had the Uchiha clan's precious eyes, he had foreseen Naruto's hand and acted accordingly. And yet, our hero had to ask himself if it was a coincidence or a trick.

"Let's go again. I shall bet the same as before." Vitale said before holding up his cards, "Set."

Naruto followed suit, "A hundred and fifty again." He made sure to shuffle his cards on the table while they were face down.

"What's he doing?" Filia asked, grabbing handfuls of her skirt.

Samson narrowed his eyes, "He's trying to fool Vitale. By randomly changing his cards he hopes to make him unable to keep track of them. His hand is fast and I don't think any card is marked, but the way Vitale is playing is unreal."

Nadia nodded, "Any good cheater can change cards mid-game, but this guy's a pro. He didn't get to be Lorenzo's second in command for being the seed of that creep's loins."

"But even if he could follow Naruto's hand, how does he pull out a hand to counter his?" Filia asked.

Peacock growled, "I've got my eyes on every mook here, and they're not giving him any signals, that's for sure." True enough, the eyes on her arms floated in the air to keep track of everyone in the office. However, they also had their eyes on her, her eyes, and the others, so reading Vitale's card was not possible.

"Set." Naruto said, feeling like he was like a fisherman about to ride a boat on a river. The water was still, no movement on it to drag the boat, and he could only use the rudder to stir it. But he knew, that when he got deep, the current would change. The water would turn wild, and Vitale would be controlling the course. It was up to the one-armed to reach the fish on the other side of the river, or become their food.

Suddenly, when he and Vitale lowered their hands, the water rippled, the boat shook, and the fisherman could see it. Deep in the river the ground had sunken in, changing not only the current but the water level. In a split second, his boat was getting sucked into a whirlpool, and he only had a rudder to stir himself away from the center!

The boat hit a rock when Naruto's hand, a set of three rocks and a scissors card, were met with four papers, "It seems I win three hundred from you." Vitale said while keeping his poker face, while Naruto could feel the collision of his boat against a rock, breaking its side and letting water leak in while the water sucked him in.

It was like the floor collapsed under him, Naruto could feel like his back was pulled into some endless void. What he just saw shouldn't even be possible, the mob boss had once again acted like he had read the boy's hand before he made it. But…

"I see, so you don't read what cards I'm using, and you don't have anyone looking at them behind my back." Naruto said while the man took the chips from him.

Vitale adjusted his glasses, "What are you getting at?"

Naruto chuckled weakly, for he, the fisherman, held on to the rock that sunk his boat for dear life, fighting against the current with his only arm, "Whenever you play our hand, you seem to act like you know what card I'll use. But that's the thing, up until now I didn't even know what card I'd use."

"What?!" Parasoul was frozen as was the entire audience, everyone surprised when the blond gave a cheeky grin to the mob boss, and the redhead princess wanted an explanation, "Why would you do such a thing?! This may be a game based around luck, but you should still think carefully before you play your cards!"

"That's the thing." Naruto said, "If facing Cerebella at the casino thought me anything, is that the Medici always know what to bet on. However, even if everything I did was random until this point and he also played without trying to read me, he made a mistake."

The mob boss gave a low chortle of amusement, "I fail to see what's gotten into you." He locked eyes with the boy, his glasses shining slightly, "All I see is a boy trying to play hero."

"That's where you're wrong." Naruto said, before shuffling his cards again, "Who said I wasn't taking this seriously from the start even if it's all random?"

"But that's what the game's like." Nadia said, "You can use any set you want or go blind."

"Yeah, but given what kind of game it is, there was a flaw from the start." Naruto putting his hand down over his cards, "I just noticed now, you're not just looking at me, you're reading me."

Vitale smiled, "That's the way this game is meant to be played, boy. Any seasoned player can see the ticks on an opponent, it's a matter of how they react to it that makes them stand out. My first hand was made to counter yours, I was just lucky you didn't have a set of two of either of the ones I had, it'd have meant your win."

"That's one part of the rules you didn't mention." Naruto said with a snarl.

"I thought you had figured it out on your own since you didn't ask." Vitale said with a small smile, before narrowing his eyes at the boy, "But here you are, grasping at straws to try to get under my nerves and see if I let out any hint of me cheating, right? Or is that your mind accepting what you just got into? Because, when one of us has the advantage, the other has to think on what they bet on, like your friends."

"I'm not fighting for them." Naruto replied, shuffling his cards, "This time, I'm fighting to beat you. I know what I've bet on, what everyone here has placed at risk. All of it is to bring you down, even if it's with this stupid game of yours. That's why, even if you don't believe me, I'll say this: I am playing seriously, and I'll bet a hundred thousand."

Showing some teeth in his smile, Vitale matched the bet, "To see someone with guts like yours should do well for the members of our family."

Naruto raised his hand, "Set, and it's a pair of scissors."

"What?!" everyone around the table shouted, surprised while Vitale himself actually looked shocked, his eyes wide, "What do you think you're playing at telling me a set of cards you may or may not use."

Naruto locked his eyes with the man, "You'll act on this on the assumption I'm lying or telling the truth. If what I said is truth, you'll try to bet big to turn my hundred into three hundred. If what I'm saying is a lie, you'll try to play it safe and get another draw or something else. Or what, are you afraid you can't read me anymore?"

Vitale played with the cards in his hand, keeping his gaze on the boy's blue ones, "Like I said, it'll be good to have that confidence in our ranks. I may even have to give you a proper pace in the circus as a daredevil. You are certainly more useful than even those we trusted." Naruto ground his teeth when seeing Cerebella shake at those words while the man didn't even look at her, "Set."

The two were about to lower their cards, but… "Let's place our cards face down." Naruto said, smiling.

Vitale froze, "Why would you even suggest that?"

"Don't give me that." Naruto said with narrowed eyes, "I'm making this game fair. When we place down our cards we place them face down so we can't see what the other holds. When it's time to reveal our cards, say something like, I don't know… Open?"

Vitale hummed, "What an intriguing idea. Fair enough." He put down his cards face down, "I shall amuse you and add this as an official rule to our game, just so you understand that if you bet foolishly, you'll have no one to blame but yourself."

"Good." Naruto said, putting down his cards, "Open." The two men flipped their cards, and Vitale felt the shift in the river's current that tried to drag down the fisherman.

Vitale's hand was a set of four papers, and Naruto's was a set of two scissors. Naruto had won the round, and the mob boss felt fear. Cold, hard fear hit the man as before him, the samurai he tried to surround with his bandits had swung his blade in a flash and took down every single one of his underlings!

"What?!" Vitale yelped, his eyes wide and his jaw slightly loose.

Naruto smirked, "What's the matter, Vitale? Did you think I was lying and that I had a set of two rocks?"

The man gasped for breath, narrowing his eyes on Naruto, before asking, "What did you do?"

Naruto merely took the chips he had won, three hundred thousand worth along the hundred thousand he bet, "It's a little ninja trick, to see underneath the underneath." He chuckled, "You said I'd have no one to blame but myself if I made a foolish bet or something like that, right? But I told you already, with everyone here betting for me, there's no way I'm letting you walk out of this. I've been playing this game seriously."

Vitale balled his hands into fists while trying to keep a stern face, "Even if that were a mental trick, you acted too confident on something that was equal parts defeat as it was victory. You…" he groaned, "How did you do it? You didn't just say and use those cards, it was like you changed everything so it was the way you wanted it to be."

"Isn't that the way this game's supposed to be played?" Naruto retorted with a smirk, aiming his index finger at him with narrowed eyes, "You're clever, selecting your cards before me, almost like how Cerebella asked me in the casino what numbers I'd bet on. I'll admit, I don't know what kind of trick you used to try to fool me, but there is no way I'm losing to you."

Vitale chuckled, "You say you don't know what trick I'm using. You really want to cling to the fact I'm cheating."

"I know men like you." Naruto said firmly, standing up while keeping his finger aimed at the mob boss, "You'd gladly throw away anyone like a broken weapon if it's for your own good. You want your own niece out of the picture, and I'm not letting you use Cerebella or her friends at the circus any longer! Vitale Medici, I, Naruto Uzumaki, shall be the one to judge you!"

Despite herself, the acrobat felt her cheeks color as she watched this, her expression turning pensive as she wasn't sure who she wanted to win, the Medici had done so much for her, but Naruto was… "Doing this because he wants to help me…" She said slowly, her eyes widening as tears came to them.

Blowing out a long trail of smoke from her cigar, Peacock's usual giant grin turned upside down as she watched the card game intently, "C'mon Studmuffin, don't screw this crap up, I placed a heavy bet on ya and need a new pair of shoes! That and I don't want ya to lose to scum like the Medici!"

Filia would have prayed for Naruto to win if she was particularly religious and Samson didn't like to nag her to stop, she wasn't though and she didn't want Samson to get upset. So she just clasped her hands tightly, and closed her eyes, knowing that Naruto would win and believing in him with all of her heart. Samson had, as an odd sight for the parasite considering he and Naruto weren't best of friends, a worried grimace.

"C'mon blondie, don't screw this up, the kid and your life are on the line! I don't want ya to lose either, 'cos it'd piss me off and break her heart!" the parasite growled.

Parasoul quietly watched the game, her eyes moving from either player while observing how it was being played, analyzing it and deconstructing how both were playing against each other. Her silent expression, cold as stone and as emotionless as a statue, was the true indication she was beyond agitated and worried. She clamped down on her emotions, trying to hide her true fears underneath a façade of seriousness.

Umbrella was pumping her fists in the air, she would have cheered Naruto but the gag placed on her mouth made that impossible. That being said, she expressively moved her hands in the air, actually dancing in a fashion, pointing from spot to spot in an inspirational manner. Her energetic movements actually made Naruto feel more confident about his chances, almost if her beat was inspiring him to get better at the game.

Lorenzo for his part was livid, "Vitale, what're you even doing?! Finish that punk or else you will pay for everything you've put at risk in this game!"

"How about we bet it all, here and now?" Naruto said, locking eyes with the elder man, and putting forward all his chips, before holding up his cards, "Set."

Everyone held their breath while seeing Vitale's hands shake, trying hard not to crumple the cards in his hands while he played with them, "S-Se…"

Vitale ground his teeth, seeing the boy, no, the man before him! It was then that realization hit the mob boss, he wasn't playing his game anymore, this was war! It took a single soldier, a knight clad in armor, to break through his fortress and storm into his quarters! A single boy had turned into an assassin, defeating every guard in his way to get to the king!

"Vitale!" his father roared.

The man slicked back his hair with his free hand, still playing with the cards in his hand, "Se… Se…" he gasped, breathing heavily.

No, the one before him wasn't human anymore. To Vitale, Naruto had turned into a giant beast, a righteous being from the heavens! Like the books of Dagonian folklore, the animal before him moved with grace and power! Before such a being, Vitale was nothing but a mere mortal man, nothing but a quick meal if he angered the powerful spirit before him!

Putting a hand on the table, Vitale tried to calm himself, glaring at the boy, who glared back, "Come on, will you play or not?! My next hand will be a three of scissors!"

The mob boss froze, his mind running through a million scenarios. Was that true? Could the boy do such a thing to win?! How did he even win the last round?! Clenching his teeth to steady his jaw, Vitale spoke.

"Se-Se…" he gasped again, seeing his father on the side and the boy placing down his cards while the spectacled man played with his, his fingers trembling as they shuffled the cards.

"Don't you dare run now that I can play your game, Vitale!" Naruto shouted, "Everything everyone here put at risk was to see you draw your final hand, so play already!"

Memories flashed in the man's eyes as he recalled how he got where he was, brainwashing children, having the competition sleep forever, picking and training many to serve him! He was just like his father, but better! He had become the man he was because of his own efforts, and he wouldn't let a single boy take it away! He wouldn't, couldn't lose!

"Set!" Vitale shouted, slamming down his hand on the table before his knees finally gave in. He grinned, as his cards would utterly defeat Naruto's.

"Open." Naruto said with a smile, showing four rocks, which completely countered Vitale's three scissors.

Everyone was silent, unable to believe what they just saw while Vitale's face was covered by a layer of cold sweat, and his nose dripped some snot from the shock.

The first one to congratulate Naruto was Filia, hugging him tightly with happy tears on the corners of her eyes, "You did it! You… You shouldn't have worried me like that!" she gave him a pouty glare at the end.

He chuckled, "Sorry, sorry, but I needed to do it."

Parasoul let out a sigh of relief with one of her rare but genuine warm smiles, "Such a troublesome soldier. I may have to ban gambling among the soldiers or he'd wipe them clean."

Nadia was far more energetic, "That's what I'm talking about! Seriously, Fishcake, after this I'm taking you around the city to some good casinos I know of!"

Peacock and her cartoonish minions also joined in the cheering, "That's it, we're taking you to the lab so you can beat big old Big Bland in a game of cards!"

Lorenzo clenched his hands so tightly blood dripped from his fists, "Vitale, you useless piece of shit!"

"What…?" the son breathed out, his glasses sliding down the bridge of his nose before he grabbed his cards, crumpling them in his hands, shouting in despair, "It's not possible! How did you even figure out how I-"

"Hey, look at that!" Filia said, grabbing Vitale's cards, and peeling them… showing that he never had a set of four cards on each hand he played, but many more, "He's had duplicates this whole time!"

Vitale froze, before aiming a finger at Naruto, "You! You must have done this, you must have put these on me somehow!"

Naruto smirked, "What're you talking about? I just said some things, and you reacted accordingly. You just played exactly how I expected you to."

"I've seen you use a trick like that." Cerebella said, "Like in our last fight at that restaurant."

Naruto beamed, "I did say it was an old ninja trick." Then he turned to Vitale, "Though I had no idea how Vitale could see what I was playing with, I knew I had to make him play what I wanted him to.."

Cerebella closed her eyes, "It was your eyes. Vitale's glasses may help him see, but he still has keen eyes. He's very experienced, and has mastered the art of seeing someone's cards by looking into their eyes."

"And every time he played with the cards in his hands, he was changing his hand to try to beat mine." Naruto deduced.

"Cerebella, how dare you-" Vitale tried to say, before the girl snapped.

"No, how dare you?!" she had tears in her eyes and her right fist up, "I always tried my best, and every time I looked at you for praise it'd be only when I got you what you wanted, but when I failed once, you… You just used me as a bargaining chip! Whiskers didn't even have a reason to want to help me, but now that the circus is free, I couldn't be happier that he won!"

"You seem to forget…" Black Dahlia said, aiming her gun at the still captive Umbrella while holding the detonator with the other, "We still have something you want."

Cerebella nodded, "Which is why, before this game began, I changed the remotes." She glared before wiping her eyes of tears.

"Are you crazy?!" The gunswoman growled.

Cerebella shook her head, "I did want Whiskers to work for me, but there was no way I could've let him be mad at me. That's why before we went to the tunnel, I changed your remote with a fake one."

"I still have the-" Black Dahlia got out, before a flash of golden light appeared beside her.

"Good, you made this easier." Naruto said with a sigh, standing close to Umbrella while he sheathed his sword, "You lost one shield, and I just got past the other."

When the handle met the scabbard complete with a metallic click, Black Dahlia's gun arm fell to the floor, completely useless.

Parasoul then walked to the decrepit mob boss, a hard glare on her face, "Lorenzo Medici, you know what this means." She pulled out her walkie-talkie, "Egrets, come in, we've got a lot of arrests to do."

"But he won by cheating!" Lorenzo screamed, slamming his fists on his desk once again.

He found Parasoul's pistol on his face, "He won, and by out-cheating your son. Now do know your rights say you have the right to remain silent, I suggest you use it."

XXXXXX

As the Egrets escorted the two tops dogs of the Medici family and their deadly assassin, Naruto and the others were taking a break after the game's events. However, someone needed to talk to him.

"How did you even know what Vitale would play, Naruto?" Cerebella asked, looking down, "You just guessed what cards he'd use, too."

Naruto gave her a cheeky grin, "I never did, I actually changed his cards with some of mine." His answer left the girl slack-jawed, "When I first shuffled my cards I did things entirely at random. By the time I started to see Medici's tricks, I shuffled them again while taking brief peaks to see which was which. That's why I was able to change my cards faster than he could see it. And by the end, I just slid a set under his."

"So you had this game won from the start." Cerebella said in awe.

Naruto sheepishly rubbed the back of his head, "Not really, I knew he would cheat, and I didn't know how. All I did was try and think of a way to get him to not see my cards, and I went with what first came to mind. I'm glad it worked."

The green head's jaw nearly hit the floor, "So you did all of that by making a plan on the fly?!"

He chuckled cheekily as he nodded, rubbing the back of his head, "Pretty much."

"You…" Cerebella started, before surprising him with a hug, "You are lucky you're now my boss."

Hearing her sniffle, he patted her back, a bit awkwardly, before correcting her, "What do you mean? I said I'd win the circus so you and the others wouldn't have to work for the Medici. You can perform when you want, however you want, as do your friends."

The girl pulled back, shocked, "But you won it! It is yours by all rights, and you could make a lot of money that way!"

He shrugged, "The first thing I'd do with money is buy some good soup, and that's about it. Really, I don't think I could manage a circus, let alone own one. Besides, I'd rather see you away from any shady business. You can think of it as a new day, you just have to decide what to do with your time."

"Whisk- No, Naruto…" she looked down, feeling her cheeks heating up as a warm smile spread on her face, "You're really too good for your own good. But thanks, I mean it. I'll do anything I can to repay you."

He snickered, "Then you can give me and any of my friends some VIP seats to your next show and free popcorn."

The girl beamed, "Sure, anything you want!"

"Ahem, sorry to interrupt your soap operas, ladies and gentleman, but we've got more important news." Peacock said as she walked in, smirking as she interrupted Cerebella's heartfelt moment while said acrobat glared at the tiny redhead, who then faced the blond, "You did more than one girl happy, big guy. Hell, I'd be willing to be your number one fan and anything else you'd like me to be for beating that scumbag."

Naruto took a step back, "Ok, what do you want? I've had my fair share of people with hidden agendas, so please be honest."

"As honest as my pure heart is when in your hands." The redhead even winked at him before giggling, "Well, those gangsters almost ruined my job as a free killing machine, so I thought I'd be kind for once and-"

"If it's something that may get me arrested, the answer's no." He did know it wasn't crazy to go out with a girl more than a couple years younger than him, but he was almost an adult and she was still a kid.

Peacock winked, "I'll ignore that and let it remain in your fantasies, but nope. I was going to say we at Lab 8 got some stuff to help guys like you play the banjo again. Bet anything you want, but I'm sure the doc has a good extra arm to give you."

"Is that true?" now that was a pleasant surprise, if Naruto's voice said anything.

"Am I a natural redhead?" the girl asked cheekily.

Naruto looked at his right side, his left hand holding the part where his stump was, "It won't take long, will it?"

"Give it a few hours, and lots of heavy medication." Peacock said.

"It's your choice, Naruto." Filia said as she approached him, "I got some of my memories back, even if they weren't pretty, so let's do something for you."

"I will let you go there after everything you did, I'd be terribly ungrateful for not allowing you to do that after everything you did for my kingdom and sister." Parasoul said, before looking at Nadia and Cerebella, "I do have business with you two, but seeing as you risked your life for my sister and helped us set her free, I'm willing to overlook a lot."

A very nervous Umbrella walked in, "So… Uh… how mad are you?"

It was like Parasoul's hair had turned into flames when she turned around to face her little sister, "No more ice cream for a year." The response from those venomous words was instantaneous, Umbrella fainted and everyone else took a step away from Parasoul, so the redhead turned once again to the thief and acrobat, "Anyway, what are your plans now? And if you allow me to say this, I hope it's on the side of the law."

Nadia gave a kitty grin, "I've always had business with the Medici, but seeing how they're finally behind bars, I guess I can try and repay the favor." She then smirked at the blond boy, "Besides, I can tell you two are going to get in trouble, so I'm sticking with you to avoid any cat-astrophe."

Everyone did their best to ignore the pun, as Cerebella did when she spoke, "I'm pretty much the same. I'll stay with Naruto to repay the favor. I can help him find any of Eliza's hideouts when he's done with getting a new arm."

"Sounds like a plan." Naruto said before turning to Peacock, "So, where to?"

"Just let me make a few calls for our date." The redhead cackled as she pulled out a large phone out of nowhere, a rather large blue box that was bigger on the inside, "Just gotta call the doc."

XXXXXX

"You're big!"

"Or you're a few feet too short. Now, just don't move while the doc looks after you."

"Say, can you be played, Sax Man?"

When meeting the man known as Big Band, Naruto was more than shocked at how much he had to lean his head back to look at him. Or perhaps it was the heavy sedatives in his system. Doctor Avian was sighing as he looked at the shirtless boy's arm with several tools at his side. There were odd bits of machinery on a table, and the boy's sword resting on the side of the surgery bed the doctor used.

"How's it look, doc? And how long will he be this high off his-" Big Band started before noticing someone in the room, "Peacock, for the last time, I don't think you'd make him feel better."

Said redhead was clad in a white version of her outfit designed to look like a nurse's uniform, "What're you talking about, Big Blag? We owe this guy one. Besides, eye-candy is the best candy."

"All you did was give us a call, tell us to get him a new arm, and you didn't even wait to drag him here." The fedora wearing man said. "And for crying out loud, I used to be a cop, I don't want to turn him in if you do anything while he's visiting Alice in Wonderland."

Peacock just grinned, "I think he's Alice already, and I'm the Mad Hatter, and I'm going to see how long it takes for him to enjoy some kisses, and not the chocolates."

Outside the room, Nadia was busy filing her claws while Cerebella and Filia looked at each other, feeling awkward, "So… how long have you met him?" the acrobat asked the schoolgirl.

Blushing, the parasite user replied calmly, "I wouldn't be able to say for sure… I did meet him when he first arrived at my class but from then we only talked when he asked for some notes from my math class."

Cerebella frowned, "How cliché."

Filia blushed hotly, "You don't have to be rude! He just came to me saying something silly and kind of dorky and cute… He just asked for my held saying he felt I was the only girl he could talk to seriously."

"Given his fans at school, I'm willing to believe you." Cerebella didn't like how many girls the blond attracted.

"Anyway, we started talking and kind of became friends. What about you, though?" she narrowed her eyes at the bustier girl.

Cerebella smirked, "Met him since he was at the orphanage. We were scouting for candidates for the circus and he just knocked out one of our most promising candidates. Ever since then I've tried to get him to join the circus, but alas, he's stubborn. I couldn't be happier he won it for me, like some hero saving his princess to get her hand in marriage."

"Uh-oh." Samson knew those were fighting words.

"Marriage?!" Filia squeaked, glaring at the well-endowed bruiser.

Smiling wider, Cerebella taunted the girl, "Why not? That may as well have been his declaration of love." Teasing the adorably pudgy girl was really fun.

Puffing her cheeks quite cutely, Filia glared, "I did show I trusted him more than once! And he's followed me too to help me find my memories like a hero would to a poor maiden. I even saved him once, and he's trusted me even before that."

Nadia was humming a happy tune while watching sparks fly between the girls' eyes, "I should've brought some chips, this is better than those romantic smuts Minette keeps beneath her bed."

However, that wasn't all the entertainment she got, as her cat ears twitched listening to what happened in the surgery room, "No, I'm too old for her!" she heard Naruto crying, actually sobbing due to the effects of far too many drugs running in his system, "I… I can't ruin a girl's life with marriage. She'd have to carry a kid, and I don't know a thing about kids… I only learned about making babies from an old frog pervert…"

"I'll pretend I didn't hear that." The doctor said while wiping some sweat off his brow, "Anyway, Big Band, do keep Peacock away, the way this boy's arm must have been before this hasty amputation doesn't make things easy."

"It's because I had this tree in it, doc." Naruto slurred, leaning his head to one side, "See, there was this bunny, not like Cerebella but still kind of sexy in her own weird way… She was a bitch, and she used this tree to make the world trip balls."

Peacock laughed, "Wow, sounds like one of my old black and white classics!"

"I don't think any guy behind your favorite cartoon mice could've written that stuff without being as high as your crush." Big Band said, while remaining between the girl and the blond.

"Crush? Puh-lease, gimme a minuet and he'll be Mr. Peacock." She giggled at the end.

Big Band arched an eyebrow, "I don't know whether that's a joke or a reason to finally put you in a padded room."

"Now Patricia, the boy isn't quite himself… Though I have to wonder if he's human." The red-eyed man said once pulling away, walking to a table with a prosthetic arm, "He doesn't feel pain anymore, but the amount of medicaments I gave him would've knocked any grown man out in a few seconds."

Naruto finished wiping his tears and rambling on how much he'd ruin Peacock's life with marriage, and focused on something else, "…and a baby bird… Besides… I like my girls with meat… Cute, adorable Filia is like a pillow to rest on, so warm, so fluffy, and she smells good… Cerebella's not bad either, she's sweet inside and got a rocking hot bod, but not as fine an ass… Though your small round butt is cute, Pea-cutie…"

Peacock didn't react like one would expect her to, her hands went to her bloomers clad rear and her face gained a large grin, "Oh yeah! Heard that, audience?! Peacock's got something to rock this town with!"

"Just say that line was influenced by drugs and hormones and he should be fine if dealing with charges." The doctor told the large man.

"I'd rather do as if we never heard it." The man with the fedora said.

"That works too." The doctor said before stepping back, patting Naruto's now armored shoulder, "All right, that should do it."

Slowly clenching his fist, the blond haired youth got up with a groan, his new arm moving with him, mechanical clicks and hisses coming from it. His arm was a master-work, easily Doctor Avian's best yet, colored a deep bronze with inlaid script running down its side. The script itself was in ancient Canopy Kingdom glyphic runes, spelling out his role as "Royal Shield" in clear terms to the royal heirs.

The arm appeared to be made of living metal, moving with Naruto's body rather than looking unnatural. Simulacrums of veins coursed down its lengths, seeming to pulse and vibrate with every exhale of the teen. Pistons and gears whirred and clicked, steam pouring from two long vents extending out from the shoulder, and getting his hair wet.

"This is…" Naruto dazedly looked at his arm, clarity returning to his eyes as he wiggled his mechanical fingers. Each digit was fastened by screws and rivets that caused his arm to give soft clinking noises, akin to the movement of chainmail. With an adjustment of force to his palm, a long dagger with a curved hilt popped out of his wrist, the blade glimmering keenly in the light of the operating room.

"That is a parrying dagger, considering how often you fight people with weapons, I deemed it fit to give you a weapon that could easily disarm them or counter them. You seem to enjoy the simple method, more than the flashy weaponry of Patricia or the excessive force of Big Band." Naruto gave a small grin, his fist rising to the air and glimmering brightly.

"Umbrella's going to love this… if her sister hasn't killed her yet." Said the still drugged Naruto before resting flat on his back on the bed, "Umbrella's lucky, though, getting to grow up with such a cool, and loving sister… It's kinda weird, though, how she has red hair and is so professional but gets so emotional at times. But then Umbrella's all cute, cuddly, and spunky…"

"I think the drugs are finally kicking in." the good doctor said watching Naruto's eyelids get heavier.

"Good thing too, now I won't have to call some old friends at the department." Big Band commented.

Peacock blew a strawberry at the large man, "He was a lot funnier before and less shy."

"I think you had enough fun out of the poor kid." Big Band said before walking out.

"And he could use some rest." The doctor said before offering a hand to the girl, "Now, after seeing this through, perhaps I can offer you an enhancement."

The redhead smiled softly, "Thanks but no thanks, doc. Yer exhausted. Besides, I'd rather glue myself to the tube than having a tired old man overworking himself at my side."

The doctor watched her leave with a small smile, "She never changes, does she?" he chuckled before looking at the blond, "I can see you will do anything to keep her safe after that game with Vitale. Consider that arm a thank you for helping her deal with that man's family, and becoming a friend of hers."

Naruto gave the man a thumb up and a dumb smile, "I'll take care of her while at the prom, Dad."

The doctor gave a tired sigh with a half-grin, "Well, I'll take your word for it."

As he exited the room he found Cerebella and Filia glaring hard, "Long story, doc." Nadia said after blowing on her recently sharpened nails, "So, how's he doing?"

The man scratched the back of his head, ruffling some of his feathery hair, "How can I say this? He is better, but not really on any means ready to talk to someone."

That worried the girls, "Don't tell me he's kicking the bucket, old fart." Samson growled.

Dr. Avian inhaled deeply, "He's on some strong medications. He isn't himself right now. Back at the surgery room he made some… comments I dare not speak out loud."

Filia blushed, "Oh… I… have an idea of what he may have said…" she hugged herself out of shame, "How bad was it…?"

The doctor ruffled his hair again, "You asked for it… he does like you both physically and personally. Very much." He then turned to the green head, "Same with you, but I'm afraid he didn't say much about you, Miss Fortune. Though whether that's good or bad is open to interpretation."

Nadia grinned, "Nah, don't worry. I'll admit he's cute as a button but his line of work, yeah, that'd be one Hell of a way to ruin a relationship…" her next words came with a sigh, "Besides, I don't dare stand between those two and him."

"I bet he'd be creeped out dating a girl who could also count for a guy." Cerebella said, pushing her breasts forward and squishing Filia's.

Glowing red in anger and embarrassment, Filia pushed forward, bumping her hips on the acrobat's, "Just days ago you were trying to trick and fight him, and I can always tell Samson to stay out."

"Please don't bring me on this." The parasite mumbled.

Cerebella smirked, "What? Do you think Naruto won't be freaked out thinking if the curtains match the carpet?"

"They- That's none of your business!" Filia shouted, trying to push the bustier girl back.

The doctor stared blankly at the fight, "I can see your point."

Nadia shrugged, "I'll still tag along. This is the best entertainment I've had in a long time."

However, news of the boy's accomplishment didn't go unnoticed. As the media made known the events of the game, two big parties were seeing how things unfolded.

"I shall bring Painwheel with me." Valentine told the nun and maid, "I will need her as backup if we are to attack Lab 8 with him around."

"Do not harm him." The gray haired girl said, "He fought for Patricia too, even if he has been foolish enough to let the Medici live."

The blonde nun smiled darkly, "You can make him finish the job if it is your desire, or bring him down to his knees."

The small maid narrowed her eyes, "Accompany Valentine, Double. After all, wasn't your desire to see him face and end that sickening woman's life?"

Double's smile widened, "In that case, I shall do my best to convince him to work for us… He may even be like the son I never had…"

With Eliza, the woman was getting madder by the second.

"This damn arm, what it's wrong with it?!" she screamed, stomping on the disembodied limb that her blood tried to keep under control.

Albus and Horace panted, all around them nothing but broken nails covered the floor, showing that keeping the demonic limb down was exhausting, "The Hell kind of freak is in that thing?! How did that punk last a year with it in his flesh?!" the jackal snapped with what little breath he had.

Horace cleaned his glasses before trying to get up, "It's something we can't let escape, that's for sure… The more we fight it, the more it tries to break through. Whatever leaks out is like a poison…"

Eliza ground her teeth, "Damn that brat! Making me take care of his pet!" she yelped when a flash of energy erupted from a crack in the blood, before she used more to seal it, "I'll break you, Naruto! This I swear! I shall have you crying on your knees before me, begging while licking my feet to let you serve me! For this humiliation, your life will be mine to toy with any way I see fit!"

 **XXXXXX**

And that's my rap!

Funnily enough, combining Kaiji with Jojo's Bizarre Adventure helped me here. Welp, after all that craziness, I could use some soothing guitars... Like the ones in Roundabout by YES.

Swordslinger out!


	7. Skull Heart Rush

I OWN NOTHING

Long story short: I had a lot of decisions that I wasn't happy with and ended with me hitting my head to pick the ones I liked most. It came out fun, at least.

 **XXXXXX**

 _In an ideal life, Naruto would be enjoying himself at his house's dining room with the radio playing soothing yet energetic jazz. He could smell a delicious breakfast being cooked while he read the newspaper. He was clad in a Black Egret high-rank commander uniform with tons of medals and his right bionic arm holding a coffee mug as he read the comic section. He had gotten taller and more muscular, sexier as Peacock'd say._

 _"Just give up, Charlie, you are never going to kick the football without magic powers." He took a sip before noticing movement at his right side, making him grin._

 _Less than a second later and he had a little girl in his arm, a girl he then sat in her lap as she giggled, "Come on, I had you! Don't I get a reward?" she asked with an innocent grin in her bright blue eyes while her long black hair… yawned._

 _"Morning, Pops… Morning Mom and Dad." Said the sleepy face on the back of her head while also helping the little girl straighten up her summer dress._

 _"Morning, kiddoes." Said the face on the back of the chef's head, the woman at the oven nearly finishing breakfast._

 _If Naruto had gotten manlier, Filia got even more goddess-like with a rounder and bigger yet not really obese body. She was curvier and her school uniform had long been hung, though she and Naruto kept it for special nights. Now she wore a pair of black house pants with slippers, a house coat, and a very attractive tube top that propped up her breasts nicely._

 _"Caroline, you and Jr. shouldn't bother your father today." The literally two-faced woman said before smiling at her handiwork, "Alright, first try without burning anything!"_

 _"You're still taking it awfully well that I came to be because of Pops, Dad." The face on the back of Caroline's head said._

 _The little girl beamed, "That's because we're family, right?"_

 _"So long as we don't discuss how that happened until you need to learn about the birds and the bees…" Naruto whispered to himself._

 _"Agreed." Samson said, glad that he was knocked out cold when the whole process happened with some hard vodka._

And in real life, Naruto was snoring face down on a pillow after the drugs finally put him to sleep with a massive grin on his face. He was mumbling unintelligible gibberish about a happy life. On one of the lab's liring rooms, though, Filia and Cerebella kept their glares locked after being forced by Avian to sit down and relax while their friend healed. Nadia simply decided to scratch herself behind her ears by taking off her head.

Peacock, though, "In love and war there's no fairness, but let's try to be fair." She said with a shark grin to the other girls interested in the blond, Miss Fortune's eyes perking up.

"I'm afraid I'd still leave you in the dust, but I'd like to make it known I won fair and square." Cerebella said with a saucy wink.

Filia fumed at that but nodded at the small redhead, "What do you mean, then? A competition?"

"Something like that, sweet cheeks." Peacock grinned wider, "Methinks we should understand why each of us likes him, besides his sexy butt. I know my story will be the best, but you can try to impress."

Nadia wished she had brought popcorn, but she pondered, "Minette did say he had fans, maybe I could make a quick buck making them fight for him and selling tickets…" her eyes shone for a second as she contemplated the idea, but then just decided to rest her whole body on the couch and let the blond rest in his room away from them… while he could, that is.

Filia blushed and looked down, "What can a girl say?" she grabbed handfuls of her skirt, "Even if he had all the reasons to be afraid of me, he just accepted… everything. The amnesia, Samson, and even me being Vitale's niece. I don't know why he did it, I was just trying to be nice but it's like that was enough for him to put everything he had on the line for me… How could I not love someone that kind?"

Cerebella blushed too but put on a sly smile, "Well, a girl can say she likes her hero. Someone who despite everything the world throws at him still tries to do the right thing just to help others. He had no reason to help me, and I never gave him one for him to think well of me, but," her smile turned warm, "I'd lie if I said I didn't feel relief when he tried to win my freedom. I feel like I can actually be myself thanks to him."

Peacock smirked with rosy cheeks, "Nice, however I got a lot to thank the guy for. Beating up those Medici flunkies, saying he would fight because of people who believe in him, and just not giving up… Well, I'm a sucker for classics and he's a good cliché hero. But…" she pulled down her hat to hide her face, "Dammit, the way he beat those guys made me feel alive. I felt like the world was a better place when he smiled."

And then, Cerebella ruined the moment with a grin, "Oh, what happened to having the best reason?"

Peacock beamed as she tipped up her hat, "Mine's at least less cliché than yours. Besides, he's said he likes this bird's tail feathers over yours."

"There'd have to be an existing tail for starters!" Filia puffed her cheeks cutely in a pouty glare.

As the three started discussing, Big Band approached the feline thief, "They really need to give it a rest, the same song and dance repeating over and over will burn them out in the end."

"Don't be so flat, man." As always Nadia had some of the most impressively bad puns, "I like the way this quartet's… Uh, quartet… Dang it, ran out of musical puns already."

Seeing her face fall, the fedora wearing man walked off, "I should be thankful about it. Anyway, make sure they don't break anything and-"

"And that they break a leg?!" it was like she was expecting that line, but whether she planned for him to say that or not was what really worried the walking orchestra.

"Just make sure they don't break anything, and keep your claws to yourself. I did some reading some time back as a cop, and know a thing or two about curiosity and cats, especially involving you."

Nadia put on her best grin, "But officer, I'm as innocent as a kitty."

"Do you think I'm that dumb?"

"Well…"

"Can it."

Just as the group were having their discussions, someone decided to ruin the mood with a grin under her surgeon mask, "Time for your physical…" Valentine said as she walked to the sleeping Naruto, reaching for her bone saw with one hand and a needle with the other, "What to do, what to do? This'd be so much easier if you could just scream, then I would have some fun out of this."

She was about to stab his neck and inject his already heavily sedated body with a nasty black fluid, and her plan was utterly ruined when a single scalpel flew from the shadows and nailed the syringe. Gasping first in shock which instantly turned into anger, the nurse turned around to face the one responsible. None other than a good natured red eyed doctor stood before her with a nervous yet strong look in his eyes.

The man knew he was in danger and that he just blew any chances he had of seeing the children in his care grow up and have kids of their own, but he'd be damned if he let someone harm any of his patients, "I do believe we took an oath to save anyone within our reach. Now, though, I would ask why you're here but I know you won't be that kind to an old man like myself who only came here to check on his patient."

The nurse lifted her arms to show three sharp scalpels between each hand's fingers, "Trust me, I'm doing you a service sending you to the reaper sooner than needed. Sooner or later there'll be a new Skullgirl, and what that happens you may actually thank me for this."

Dr. Avian swallowed a hard lump in his throat while locking his eyes with the kunoichi's only visible one. He had no doubt his life would end if he made a bad move, but the alarm button was close to the door which was behind her. He could try and make a run for it, yet he quickly shot down the idea when the blue haired woman's lips curled into a smirk visible through his mask. He closed his eyes… and ran forward!

Even if it was a blind charge, even if it was beyond stupid, and even if he knew he'd die regardless of the situation, the man knew, he just knew that he had to do something, anything! He was a doctor, his job was to help others, and he could see it, "Sorry, but I'm betting that boy can make a difference and end this madness once and for all!" He extended his hand towards the alarm, ready to get the cavalry…

"Gutsy, but not good enough." A chilling voice said behind Avian and he felt something cold and slimy coil around his legs, making him fall flat on his face as the thing, some rope or perhaps a snake, tightened up. He gave a grunt and turned to see an angelical face with closed eyes… fused to a mass of flesh, organs and body parts that moved and wiggled like something out of a purposely disturbing horror movie.

He couldn't even cry when one of the thing's tentacles clamped around his mouth to keep him from yelling or calling for help, all the while the nurse inched closer to him, "Now don't be afraid, doctor. This will only hurt for a second, and then you won't feel anything at all."

Avian held his breath as he watched the needle approach his face, his whole body tensing at what could happen, though he noted that it wasn't filled with the same liquid Valentine planned to put into Naruto. He wished he could warn anyone, he wished he could see the children in his lab play outside with other children, he wished to listen to Big Band's music, he wished to see Peacock happy with a good man…

"Good morning, housekeeping!" Avian's eyes nearly popped out of their sockets when a green blur appeared beside him, swinging a familiar chokuto at Double and using his new robotic arm's dagger to cut the syringe, "Hey there, doc… I may be a little groggy but… these are the bad guys… well, girls…"

Avian was helped to his feet by Naruto's new robotic arm, but he could see in the teen's half-lidded eyes and opened mouth taking deep breaths that the drugs hadn't fully worn off, "Be careful Naruto, the woman with blue hair is a warrior trained to take care of Skullgirls, and that thing that is her companion mustn't be a pushover either."

Naruto grinned as he threw his blades in the air, catching the dagger in his left hand and the sword in his right, "Well, my vision may be swirling and I swear the ground didn't use to be yellow when I was put in here, but… what the Hell, this'll help me crack some joints into place and see how bad a Skullgirl is…"

"You think you can take us when you're still pumped full of sedatives?" Valentine asked with a saucy smirk behind her mask, leaning down, "How about I tuck you in, sweetie?"

Shaking his head to get his sights straight in her eye, Naruto took a dual-sword stance, "Lady, you and your pet octopus can… stop talking and just… just give me a minute…" he leaned against the bed, trying to aim both swords at the nurse and the pile of flesh that was Double.

The nurse let out a loud cackle, "You're making this way more hilarious than-" she gasped with her single eye going wide when three scalpels nearly hit her. She quickly dodged them and flipped back, only to see another barrage coming her way. Biting her lower lip, she brought out her bone saw and deflected the projectiles and saw Naruto push himself off the bed with his swords ready.

"Ok… I'm not thinking straight, so screw it…" he chuckled, stumbling forward towards them, "I'll beat you the only way I know how… I'll just go nuts."

Shaking his head, he made his way to Valentine, who growled and charged right at him with her bone saw ready behind her back. She expected anything… anything except seeing the blond fall flat on his face. She didn't know whether to laugh or use the opportunity, but didn't have time to even think on that. The blond groaned and forced his body to roll forward over his face until he was down on both knees before her.

Valentine gasped when two sloppy but lightning fast slashes nearly hit her, striking her midriff and mask. Naruto, still on the floor, grinned dizzily while the doctor could only gape at how absolutely absurd and downright bizarre things had become. Valentine's sneer could be feel fully along her bellybutton. She thanked her reaction speed and training, but cursed how illogically resourceful the boy before her really was.

Naruto tried to get up but fell flat on his back with a yelp, the sedatives at least nullified some of the pain but they didn't help make the world spin less. The world spun and spun until he was face to face with himself, only that he never had purple hair, a peach-colored uniform or a black shirt. And he was sure his eyes were never purely red orbs, but he could tell when someone was about to stab him with copies of his blades.

Rolling to the side proved to be useful to avoid the two replicas of his swords, and he could see Double in action when his copy's body morphed and turned into an exact but differently copy image of Filia's, "Hey!" he shouted, forcing himself up on wobbly knees, "You can use my ugly mug all you want, but that face is too pretty for some twisted thug to use."

"Oh?" Double smirked with Filia's face, before changing to Cerebella's, "Are you mad I…" and then a second Peacock stared at him, "…look like your friends or…" a Big Band replica stared at him, "…are you too attached…" and finally Umbrella grinned nastily at him, "…to hurt them?"

"I'm just tired of people using others." He growled, "It doesn't matter whether it's a name, their face, or manipulating them… Using others to try to hurt someone is something I can't forgive. So show me your face, whoever you are, your real face!" he hunched over, his legs shaking but his eyes set on her, "Show me what you really look like so I can understand who I'm judging!"

Valentine cackled, "So much barking, so little biting. Do you think you can just claim how much of a hero you'll be and do things because you claim you can do so? What era do you live in?"

Naruto smirked, "I should ask you two that…" he aimed his chokuto at them, "If I've learned anything from your kind, is that you all live in the past, focusing too much on that instead of moving forward!"

The two women cringed at his words, the strength and passion behind them felt like it hit them in a very sore spot, especially for Double, "Little brat, what do you know about our past?! You think you can actually judge me?! You know nothing of that bitch that tried to fool you, what she did to me! I planned on having you help me get rid of her, but I'll teach you some manners!"

Narrowing his eyes, the blond stepped forward, "Right here and now, in this new life, I will use this sword to strike down evil! I am Naruto Uzumaki, for trying to harm my new home and the innocents that live in it along Dr. Avian and the people under his care, I'll strike you down!"

After such an inspirational speech, his hot-blood could only get him so far when still filled to the eyebrows with sedatives. He face-planted, his face meeting the ground in the most unceremonious way possible with a single foot up. Valentine had to hold her sides with one arm as she bent backwards, a finger aimed at him while she burst in laughter so hard her mask nearly flew off her face. Even Double could not help but let out what was akin to the sound of regurgitation in the form of laughter. Avian could only sweat and realize this was the person he was relying upon to protect him.

Valentine walked to the boy, wiping a tear off her eye, "Oh, I wish they made more fools like him. It makes one feel better." She pulled out a syringe filled to the brim with her special cocktail of serums, "Stay like that, this'll be just a pinch." She threw it right at the blond, nailing him in the neck… and seeing him turn into a cloud of smoke, which revealed a log, "What?!"

A loud noise, the kind heard when meat is smacked hard, made her turn around to see Double. One of the shapeshifting creature's many faces was twisted in confusion and surprise, the same as Valentine's when seeing her reluctant ally fly at her. Both nurse and nun fell down away from the doctor and the door, while the real Naruto waddled his way to stand between Avian and the two increasingly enraged women.

"That won't work twice." He told the good doctor, "I can keep them busy while you get out, doc. But I can only fool around for so long the way I am. Please, look for help."

Avian nodded and ran off, his mind and heart racing, "What an extraordinary young man, was that really wit or was it luck? Whatever it is, there's no denying he has the skills to overcome his fear."

Naruto wouldn't say much about the whole overcoming fears thing, but he knew he had to stand and give the two women before him the fight of their lives. Either that or let whatever madness happened in the world repeat itself with more innocent people affected by it. Drugged or not, he wanted to keep them safe. His life had been miserable and thrown him into a new world, and he liked his new home, enough to fight for it! With that in mind, he forced his legs to stop shaking and stood at his full height before the two, resting his chokuto on his shoulder and holding the shorter blade in front of him defensively.

"Cute moves, but you won't be good with those drugs in your system boy," Valentine flipped a scalpel in her hand, gripping it in a reverse hold, her teeth biting through her mask with a leer. She was looking forward to beating him down, then finishing the job she was there to do.

In response to her taunting, and Double slowly forming several tentacles with organic club like structures at the end, Naruto merely stabbed his organic arm without warning. Using the parrying dagger attached in his cybernetic one, the suddenness of this bizarre motion making both of his opponents gape at him. He could only grin weakly as he had meant to prepare an attack on them, and then look surprised as he felt something in his dagger clink. The pistons and pumps on his arm begun whirring, odd colored steam pouring from the pipe like structures, before he felt his drug addled mind clear up without warning.

The feeling of his head being clear caused him to stumble forward, then calmly and almost casually grab Valentine's scalpel hand, flipping her over his back before his arm swung out and impacted her stomach. A blood spray came out from her mouth, before she landed on her feet shakily. Coughing, Valentine wiped blood away from her mouth, Naruto calmly swinging his chokuto around with far more daftness and gracefulness before he grinned widely.

"Now that's more like it." He chuckled softly, before sighing tiredly, "I should probably stop cutting myself to get out of bad spots…"

"Hey-o!" Nadia's cheerful voice was accompanied by her darting like a cat into the room, jumping up and landing with her claws up while bouncing on the balls of her feet, "What'd I miss?"

"Me falling on my face." Naruto said truthfully, "So, where're the others?"

"Catching up, they're not as fast as yours truly, but!" she said cheekily as a hole opened on the ground beneath Valentine.

Reacting on instinct the kunoichi flipped back and saw a mallet sip past where her head had been, Peacock jumping out of the hole soon after, "Hey, hold still! You know how makeup's supposed to be smashing!"

"And I thought your jokes were bad." Naruto told the cat girl.

Double remained calm, "It seems we have to even things out…"

Valentine nodded before lowering her mask with one hand and sliding her other hand's thumb and index finger into her mouth to whistle loudly, "Painwheel!"

Her call had a nightmarish, blood chilling scream echo in the lab's walls. The sound of walls breaking accompanied some sort of beast's growls and snarls until the last one had the group see the source. It was a black haired girl with her hair done in a bun held together with pins, a ragged white, sleeveless dress, and no shoes. Naruto hated his mind being clear for what he saw on her made him feel hurt for her. Black veins adorned her arms and legs, a mask was surgically stitched to her face along her lips while two red eyes stared at him, and a sharp four-bladed pinwheel the size of her body was attached to her spine.

Her weapon moved behind her like a tail, the blades spinning slowly while she stepped closer in a way that was extremely painful to watch, she even had nails on her shoulders, making see her arch her arms hurt, "Shred… rip… tear…" she growled with so much fury in her voice it made the three fighters that wanted to protect the lab step back, "I will claw… you to BLOODY PIECES!"

Her cry was followed by her lunging at Naruto with black steel nails shooting out of her fingertips like claws. He blocked her strike with his chokuto and swiftly after stopped her other claw from stabbing his sides with his dagger. Nadia replied by jumping over him, using a hand on his shoulder for support to kick Painwheel on the face, only for her leg to meet her spinning pinwheel. The cat girl yelped in pain as her leg was cut like ham, but endured it. So long as she reattached her limbs she'd be fine.

Rampaging towards him with a terrifying scream, Painwheel tried attacking the blond only for Peacock to skid in front of her. Before the berserk girl could attack, Avery pointed out a rocket launcher from Peacock's hat and then unleashing an RPG directly into the monstrous girl's face. Fire erupted out and made her howl in agony as her mask clad face burnt. Swinging out his sword, Naruto was able to reel Peacock back when she grabbed his blade with one hand.

The glove became covered in a steel like substance as he flipped her up and out of the way of Double's retaliation strike. Bone clubs smashed the earth violently as the fake nun cursed when Mrs. Fortune zipped past her via blood jets. Her claws were already swinging out and ripping apart the flesh tendrils the bone clubs were attached to in the first place.

"You're really pissing me off kid!" Valentine slammed her bone saw against Naruto's chokuto, the blond suddenly getting a crazy idea as he rammed his head forward and kissed Valentine after his other hand pulled down her mask.

Shocked by this, she was unprepared for him to follow up with a knee to her gut, sending her stumbling back, even while Peacock gained a surprisingly annoyed and aggravated expression, "It's what I do for a living, annoy the Hell out of people who'd attack others!" he cheered, still feeling some of the drugs' after-effects in his system, though a growing anger slowly burned it. "Besides, even I can tell what you did to her wasn't because she chose to… I am not walking out of this place without breaking that mask of hers!"

He drunkenly charged at the three invaders with his chokuto and dagger at his side, Double turned into Parasoul and parried his strike with the parasol like it were a fencing sword, while pulling a pistol. Peacock was quicker on the draw and appeared over the blond with her own large revolver in hand. The girl's gun didn't shoot bullets, but a large RPG-like sword that cut Double's projectile and forced her to back up. He wouldn't let the shapeshifter escape, and threw his dagger at her, nailing her.

The amorphous blob slithered back with a guttural growl, yanking the blade out with a tendril before glaring at the blond, only to see him gone. While she was busy, he was running right at Painwheel, who hollered at the sight of him and charged back, with her nails extending into long, deadly claws. He parried the ones from her right hand swing using the chokuto, while letting his robotic arm take the punishment from the other. Once he had her close and she growled at him, he did what he knew best would work that close to a girl: he delivered a solid head-butt that sent her to the floor.

However, the heavy dose of drugs still running in his veins and the forced cut on his arm to get most of them out of his system combined with the strike didn't do well for his head. His legs shuddered and he fell down to one knee. Valentine, seeing her opening, appeared right behind him in a cloud of smoke with a pair of defibrillators in hand. She would have fried his head even more had she not heard the sound of someone hitting something like it were a volleyball, which was what Nadia did with her disembodied head.

"Heads up!" she playfully cheered, sending her open-mouthed head at the nurse's shoulder, biting on it hard enough to make the hardened kunoichi cringe and stumble before letting go of the pads to get her off.

Double was about to react, but saw something even more impressive, and she also heard it. She turned at the sound of a loud, echoing smack from one hitting his own face, or rather punching it. Naruto got up with shaky legs yet again, a red mark on his cheek from his own fist to keep himself awake and aware of the situation, and a glare aimed at her. For the first time in countless years, Double was starting to feel afraid. The boy was relentless, no matter how much one hurt him or how much he had to hurt himself, he'd get up to keep fighting.

"Ok… that did the trick…" he groaned, before spitting blood on the ground, "I'll be taking the girl with me, whether you like it or not, you oversized pile of discount beef…"

Avery groaned, "Wow boss, and I thought your jokes were bad."

"Hey, that's my future husband you're talkin' about, birdbrain." She whisper-shouted to her feathery companion.

While the team was distracted by Peacock's declaration, Double growled and turned to Valentine, "Have her go all out!"

"Shame, he was stupid but cute…" the nurse said before pulling out a remote with a red button.

"Shut up!" Painwheel shouted, clutching her head in agony letting out a roar that showed her pain, " _RRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGGHHHH_!"

Naruto barely reacted when the young girl lunged at him like a drill of claws and blades, stopping her spinning blades with his swords and bringing up a knee to stop a set of claws aiming for his lungs.

"Oh biscuits!" Nadia cursed in the same way she did around the ever manners-obsessed Minette.

He grunted at the excruciating pain, and yet forced a smirk to the girl that surprised everyone, "It hurts… It hurts, alright?! But it doesn't hurt as much as seeing you like this! Wake up!"

Using his oldest wake-up move, he did the same for Painwheel as he did for Gaara: he slammed his forehead so hard on hers that the girl's mask was broken!

Valentine and double stepped back after what they just witnessed. A perfect Anti-Skullgirl weapon developed by them to stop a near-godlike being was taken down by a single head-butt. If it had been anyone other than Naruto "Screw the rules, I have friendships and determination" Uzumaki, they would have trouble believing it. As it was, the two narrowed their eyes at the blond before the busty kunoichi pulled out a smoke pellet from her generous assets just when they heard the others come rushing in. With a cloud of smoke they were gone, the lab was safe, and Naruto would need more medical attention and a way to explain why he had another girl to deal with in his life.

All in all, Naruto saw it as an usual Tuesday in his life.

XXXXXX

"Let me get this straight… You know her?" Naruto asked while the unmasked Painwheel sat on her own bed's edge with a dull expression on her face, though her red eyes were focused on Filia.

The voluptuous schoolgirl nodded, "I know so, she… she was important before I lost my memory. There was a reason I wanted to help her, but…" she looked down, "I don't know if I should. I may have been part of the problem… I don't even know, I hate this amnesia gimmick!" she was pulling her hair, poor Samson crying at the yanking.

"Ow! Watch it, kid! And you, blondie, do something! This is your problem as well!"

"I believe we've had enough excitement for a night." Dr. Avian said finishing the last patching up on Naruto's leg, "Patricia and your friend Cerebella are doing shifts to watch the lab after that attack, not to mention everyone is shaken. However…" he looked at the scarred girl, "That mad doctor, to do this to a girl… If I were a good twenty years younger, I'd have given him a good left hook to the face."

"Uh…" Painwheel started, staring at Filia who felt her chest tighten, "You… know me?"

The parasite user nodded, "You're… Carol, you're someone I was looking for… somehow, deep down, I wanted to find you. Tell me, was I-" she shut up when the human weapon hugged her tightly, closing her eyes in a serene manner without shedding a tear.

"Thank… you…" she growled with some pain still in her voice, before turning to Naruto, "Thank you, and… sorry about the knee…"

"I see you're… forward…" Naruto said, feeling awkward after what he just saw but trying to remain strong, "And don't worry, I can heal this in no time. That hug of yours came out of nowhere, and I didn't even-" before he could playfully say he didn't get a hug from the scarred girl, he got one.

Then she gave them the most awkward, oddly cute smile they had ever seen, "Thank you!"

Avian hummed, "Something that you did with that head-butt may have knocked whatever that madman did to her."

"So my hubby's head is not only hard, but useful? Nice!" Peacock said as she appeared from a hole on the ground, sitting on a stool while smiling at the blond boy.

Carol stared at Filia for a moment longer, "You… tried to be nice to me, so… that's why I wanted to thank you… My body… still hurts, but I feel like I can… think again…"

"Then I guess you wouldn't mind answering us a few things." Naruto said calmly, "We got to find those two that were playing with you and someone else. It's about time we tie a lot of loose ends that this world didn't even know until tonight."

Cerebella walked in followed by Big Band, nodding to his words, "Agreed. The lab looks safer, so just tell me when you need me to kick some beat someone up for you." Vice Versa flexed its arms.

"I could use some action, so tell me if you need a good beat. Consider it my way of paying you for keeping the doc safe." The one-man band said.

"Say the word, honey! I'll pain this town red for ya!" Peacock cheered.

Nadia giggled as she put her hands behind her head, "I may as well finish this game and see it through. Count me in."

Painwheel flexed her hands, "You helped me… so I'll help you…"

Filia nodded to him, "You know I won't leave your side after everything we went through."

"I have to disagree here…" said none other than Parasoul, walking in with Umbrella pouting behind her, "I can't let you go… Not with a good plan, at least."

Naruto smiled at the friends he made in such a short amount of time, "Then it's about time we close this chapter. Come on, guys, let's face tomorrow and whatever it brings, and make sure it's a good day!"

Everyone cheered before he confused them yet again by lifting his fist with his knuckles aimed to them, "Do you want us to bump fists with you? How old are you?" hearing Umbrella say that hurt his pride.

He snickered, though, "It's something I did with this weird old guy I met back home… I don't know what my home may be like now, and I may never know, but I wanted to move forward and avoid regretting anything while I live here. Right now I want to befriend you somehow, even if it's in the same silly way he did. So, what do you say?"

Filia was the first, putting her fist on his lightly, "If you needed confirmation that we're friends, you needn't even ask."

Her fist was followed by a hairier one, "What she said. You've been watching over her, so I'll watch over you." Samson said with a smile Naruto matched.

"Well, if it's one step closer to the wedding…" Peacock said with a sassy smile aimed at Cerebella, which the acrobat returned.

"I'll make you the happiest man after all you did for me, so never doubt me." The green head said as she and the redhead put their fists on his.

"Too mushy, but I guess I can deal with bumping around you guys." Nadia said, bringing a few groans around her as she bumped his fist with hers.

Parasoul stared puzzled at the fist, bringing her own to it, "It's an odd but certainly… enjoyable bonding activity. It's the least I can do for a fine soldier."

Umbrella huffed, "I liked you as my soldier, but…" she beamed, "I like you more as a friend, so your first orders as my soldier and friend are to take me out for ice cream!"

Painwheel did as the others, albeit awkwardly smiling, "Friend… that word somehow makes the pain go away…"

Avian smiled, copying them, "I owe you too much for your help here, of course I'd love to call you a friend."

Big Band smiled beneath his mask, "You've been making a wonderful party, so let me give you a big hand." His pun made others groan while he put his fists on the combined fist pile.

With that, Naruto nodded and everyone began preparing. Avian didn't take a break and started fixing him and mostly Painwheel up, doing his best so the girl stopped suffering from the horrors done to her. To everyone, it was a tense night, perhaps the most important of their life to determine their future. However, they couldn't help but be excited and feel like they could change things for the best. After seeing what an odd friend they barely met did to make sure they could smile, they were more than ready to follow him through Hell and back.

XXXXXX

"This is it, huh? It's been a crazy couple of days…"

Speaking to himself was something of a coping mechanism for the blond.

It was nighttime and he needed to be calm inside Eliza's hideout, an Egyptian gallery of luxury and self-centered pleasure. Despite going solo he wasn't going in the lioness' den defenseless. His bionic right arm was hidden by his Black Egret coat the way his actual right arm had been by his school jacket. Also, he was looking damn fine with his hair combed back neatly by Filia, much to Cerebella and Peacock's chagrin. Making his way forward with a smile and his left hand resting on Sasuke's modified chokuto made him feel different.

Life had changed, and it was about to change even more for him, but knowing what everyone was betting on he couldn't help but smile confidently as he found Eliza's assistants. Horace and Albus growled at him, the bird man tightening his hands into fists and the jackal grinding his teeth with screeching sounds. They looked tired, their suits had some tears, and a few cracks could be seen on Horace's lenses. Knowing what was waiting for him in Eliza's hands didn't make the boy feel at ease, but he was determined to see it through.

"You arrived just in time, boy, we were running out of nails and patience to keep your… little gift in check." Horace growled while adjusting his glasses, his usual calm demeanor gone.

Albus barked, "You're going to pay for this nightmare you gave us, you little shit! I'd personally skin you alive if the boss lady didn't still want you!"

"Sorry, there're three girls who'd kick her ass if she tried to date me." he pulled out his chokuto and readied himself for battle with a bit of wind chakra coating the edge. The two walked to him… and immediately fell down to their knees, shocking him, "Wha-"

Before he could finish his question the ground shook and the two anthropomorphic men grabbed his pants, "You got to stop that thing/monster!" they cried as one with pleading eyes, "The boss has lost it!" Albus yelled with tears of despair and exhaustion in his eyes, Horace continuing with his whole body shaking, "It's too late to stop that monstrous arm of yours, but for everything you hold and love, do something!" Albus nodded frantically, "We'll serve you, we'll cook, drive, clean, and fight for you, but stop this madness!"

Naruto was about to reply but heard Parasoul's voice on an ear-piece he had, "Naruto, intel tells me that there's tremors in the underground affecting the whole city! I know you wanted to go solo to deal with this, but if you don't hurry up the entire city will sink below sea level!"

Clenching his jaw, the boy cursed through gritted teeth, "Damn it…" he put a finger on the ear-piece and talked to the redhead, "Alright, we can continue with the plan. I can deal with this if it's still locked by her, so don't help me unless I say so. We will need to work together to deal with the Skullgirl if what people say about her is true."

"You still have your backup, right?" Parasoul asked, and in reply a squawking voice was heard.

"Ain't leaving the lady boss' boyfriend go at it alone, hotness!" Avery shouted inside Naruto's jacket, "If anything happens, we'll all pop out and help him, so don't worry."

Naruto replied, "You heard the bird. Now I better see how far Eliza has gone…"

Hearing that, Albus and Horace instantly guided him through Eliza's basement – more like an Egyptian dungeon with a couple of torture artifacts that wouldn't look out of place in a S&M dungeon – and found her. There she was, makeup running down her face as tears rolled on her cheeks, sweat covering her form, hair a mess, and her clothes which were quite revealing were tattered to show more dark skin. The moment she turned to him the boy had expected her to scream something foul, but he was once again shocked to find the same pleading look that Horace and Albus had.

"Stop this thing now!" she begged, falling on her knees while the arm, covered with nails and breaking through a cocoon of solid blood, squirmed in her hold, "Every time I'm near it, it's like it tries to suck my life! This cold, horrible feeling… How did you even manage to live a year with this abomination inside you, let alone not show pain?!"

Any other time, Naruto would have made a remark to mock her, but things were serious when one of the nails flew out, "It's because I'm far more thickheaded than this monster, now stand aside!"

Eliza did as she was told and rolled away, letting the arm break free and show the corruption of the monster Naruto sealed in it. Its skin was a purple shade with black marks similar to those on a certain sand raccoon. From the stump veins shot out, and Naruto found himself disgusted and disturbed at seeing them multiply and shoot out for it to stand on them like tentacle legs. The nails grew into long razor-sharp claws, and on the back of the hand a single multi-ringed purple eye appeared with dozens of tomoes swirling on it.

Naruto's arm had turned into the most bizarre vessel for a monster of unstoppable rage, and it kept growing and growing, first being the size of a normal arm and in ten seconds it became the size of a dog.

"What is that thing…?" Eliza asked, shaken as she stared at the being stand on the tentacles before the palm opened to reveal a horrendous mouth with five rows of sharp fangs.

"It's a pile of raw hatred, corruption, and plain old mindless power rolled into what used to be my arm." Naruto replied, "Short version: it's weird and pissed off."

It roared at them before jumping through the ceiling, making Naruto curse and prepare to follow it, only to be stopped by Eliza asking him, "How do we stop it?" she blurted out, standing up beside him, "How did you even seal it in the first place?"

"I killed someone I thought was my best friend when things went to shit and this thing started to corrupt him." Naruto replied coldly before holding up the chokuto he used to do the job, "If anything, you shouldn't worry while I'm still alive, because it'll want to kill me first. So…" he turned to her while she wiped her face to stop looking like a mess and looked at the boy that gave her so much trouble, "Seeing as neither of us wants to die here and now, truce?"

He offered her his right bionic arm for a shake, which she accepted, "Not much of a choice…"

"I can leave you to rot here, don't make any mistake." He told her coldly, staring at her right in the eye, "After all you've done and many things I'm sure you did to ruin more than one person's day, I am telling you right here and now that I'm doing this because I need your help, nothing else."

Hatred flared in her eyes at his words, but she could give him a point given everything she did to get where she was. She exhaled slowly, in, then out. Her expression regaining its composure slowly and falteringly, she held out one hand. Horace handed her an embroidered and rich smelling handkerchief. She wiped her eyes with it, cleaned her face free of makeup, then blew her nose messily with it. Handing it back to him, he pocketed it away as she let loose a rattling shaky laugh aimed at Naruto, her expression one of intense bitterness… with no small amount of intense respect mixed in.

"You're a real spiteful little bastard, boy… Leaving me to pick up the pieces after you ran off, while letting me deal with that monstrous arm of yours. I should kill you seventeen times in fifty different ways each for the humiliation, pain, and despair you inflicted upon me. I have killed men, women, and children for far less than what you subjected **my noble person to…** "

"And I'm not afraid of you, given how you also need my help." He said, cutting her off and making her bite her lip.

Breathing deeply again to clear her mind, she continued, "True. However, those people were not you. I will never like what you did to me, but I'll respect the eternal Hell out of you for dealing with that abomination." She grabbed Naruto's silent body by the shoulder, her expression one of utmost rage as her features bled off her face to reveal Sekhmet's furious scowl.

He snickered, not at all afraid after seeing weirder things from a certain snake man, "I shall consider it an honor, then."

Despite her anger, the cat like skeleton gained a softer expression; rare for her as she pulled away, Eliza's features reforming before she exhaled. "You're a bastard, but I respect you for your sheer balls and strength. After we deal with… that thing, I will grant you the only mercy I will ever show to anyone. I will not torture you to the brink of mindless servility as my eternal scratching post and living throne, clothing optional… In addition, I will leave this miserable place, and never come back… in return for one favor. You kill the real problem behind this place, your freakish arm, and the Skull Heart."

"That was my plan from the start." He said and with that both jumped after his arm to see it had finally stopped growing and that it was thrashing the enormous lobby.

Due to the boy's Uzumaki lineage serving as the perfect living seal for demons and the seal that cost Naruto the arm he was looking at, the beast was unable to unleash its full power while still trapped inside flesh. Sadly, that didn't mean it couldn't change the flesh and make it grow until it was the size of a bus. Thankfully, Eliza's place had enough room for them to move around. Unfortunately, after throwing everything around and crushing it to useless junk, it had only them to pay attention to and roar with its freakish palm-mouth spraying slimy saliva on the floor.

"Is that its true form?" Eliza asked.

"No, but if it kills me, it may get it. I made the seal so the bastard stays in that arm while I breathe." His words made the beast roar at him, so he replied with the most eloquent gesture he could, flipping his only flesh hand around to show it a single finger that stood proud, "Yeah, I hate you too!"

Sickening cracks were heard and from the sides of the arm bones burst out, complete with joints to make it look like the most nightmarish insect Eliza had ever seen. It didn't waste any time and jumped right at them. Eliza snapped her fingers and Albus tossed her weapon at the woman, a microphone with a blade at the bottom, while Naruto held up his chokuto. The two jumped over it and watched it crush a wall.

Avery screamed in the boy's left breast pocket, "This is insane! That thing's bigger than big! How're you and this crazy chick supposed to beat it?!"

The arm burst out of the wall with another loud roar, the tentacle-veins lashing at the air before extending to the unlikely duo. With matching speeds their blades cut the tendrils, but to their displeasure they watched them grow back. Being tired, Eliza stepped back while Naruto considered his options as the beast opened its mouth… and his eyes went wide when recalling what it could do. Without thinking twice, and mainly because he still had a heart, he grabbed Eliza by the waist the moment the monster formed a ball of energy.

Everyone outside the building watched in shock and awe as Eliza's house fell down into rubble with a cloud of dust erupting from it. When it all settled down they saw Naruto walk out of a hole thanks to Avery, and with him, resting on his shoulders, were Albus and Horace while he held Eliza under his arm.

"Ok… this isn't going to be as easy as I thought it'd be." He said plainly while staring at the beast letting out another roar.

 **XXXXXX**

And that's my rap!

Now you know what's next, what awaits for the next chapter. But for now, enjoy some Roundabout by YES as the final fight approaches. I'll do my best!

Swordslinger out!


	8. Skullfox

I OWN NOTHING

All journeys must come to an end, and I'm glad I got to see the end of this one.

 **XXXXXX**

"Impossible!"

Marie, Peacock's childhood friend, cried as she felt a deep pain in her heart, watching the events that the TV was showing and feeling the presence broadcasted affect her. Double wasn't far behind her, grinding her teeth at the sight. Valentine merely watched, but her own free hand dug into her arm as her only eye seemed to shake as it tried to take in every detail that they were seeing.

Upon seeing what Naruto did for the woman she hated the most, the shape-shifting nun felt sick, "That boy has no idea what he's doing!"

"I fear he does." Valentine said, eyeing the abomination he was facing, "After all he went through with her, joining forces with that woman to defeat that monster must give you two an idea."

"What would that be?" the maid asked.

"He's got limits." the blue haired woman answered, "Limits that forced him to make a pact with her in the face of a monster that such an abhorrent woman cannot defeat alone."

As they watched the fight, Naruto and Eliza stared at the monster before them as it let out another roar more deafening than the others and charged at them. The parasite user summoned blood to turn into a pair of beetle wings to get out of the way while the blond teleported out of the possessed gigantic arm's reach. It moved like a speeding bullet, and crashed onto another building like a bomb, making it fall down.

The blond pulled out a walkie-talkie as he watched the structure crumble over Shinju, but knew that it would get back up, "Princess, where're the others?"

Parasoul's voice echoed through the speaker, "All civilians have been evacuated and the Egrets are making sure to keep a barrier on a proper perimeter to keep them safe. As soon as everyone's finished we shall join you." She growled, "Please tell me you got things under control like you said you would. Sending you alone while you told us to keep these people safe may have seen like the lesser of two evils, but-"

"Sorry to interrupt, but I've got help, believe it or not. Though I'd like you guys to get here ASAP, please."

Eliza stood beside him, staring as the debris trembled, "You really thought you should have taken me on by yourself while everyone that could have actually been useful was miles away?"

"You thought I'd let people die to this freak after I sealed it in my arm?" he retorted before Shinju jumped out and tried to crush him.

Once again, they dodged the strike with Eliza sliding on a blood boat and Naruto doing a somersault. The resulting crash sent dust flying around and would've knocked anyone nearby off their feet. The two simply jumped back and attacked the monster. Eliza's heavy blade dug into the wrist, crashing against the bones while Naruto stabbed the pinky's knuckles with his two blades.

Screaming in pain, veins shot from the arm's stump to lash at the two. Eliza was quick to kick the palm to jump away while Naruto jumped over one of the whip-like veins, flipping over it to land on the back of the giant hand. Despite how much trouble he had given her, the woman couldn't help but feel awe when seeing the boy had cut off the monster's pinky before jumping off to land by her side.

"Shit!" he cursed.

"What do you mean?! You harmed it!" she told him, only to hear a sickening crack.

The pinky's fingertip split up like a large snake mouth, complete with teeth, before the bone on the stump shot out, grew and became a segmented tail for it to slide on like a snake.

"You got to be joking…" Avery mumbled in horror.

"What's the plan now, boss?!" Albus asked from the sidelines.

"Is there any way we can help?" Horace added worriedly.

"Oil!" Naruto shouted, shocking them, "If cutting it won't work, let's burn it until not even ashes remain!"

"Yessir!" the two saluted before running off to find the oil.

Avery squawked at him, "I'll find you all the oil and fire you need, see you soon!" the cartoonish bird left in a portal on the ground, leaving Naruto and Eliza to fight the monster.

"Are you sure it'll work?" she asked while readying some blood blades as the snake and four-fingered arm surrounded them.

"It's an idea, this thing doesn't die the easy way, but if we harm it enough I may have a chance…" he trailed off when Shinju slammed its body down on the ground, like it was punching it, just out of pure rage.

"You're the one that can cut it better, so stand by my side and I'll get you to it." She told him while unable to believe the sheer animalistic hatred that possessed the limb.

They nodded and charged as one. Naruto didn't run much when he watched the floor under his feet turn into a blood boat that sailed at high speeds at Shinju. The demon let out another roar, and rushed at them. A sense of fear coursed through Eliza's body when she watched its giant maw snap its teeth at her, and some bizarre slime-like drool coated its fangs. Unafraid, Naruto jumped when he was near enough.

"Eliza!" he called at her and dropped his dagger, kicking it at the snake-pinky.

Getting a hint, she turned her flesh into an array of sharp blades to stab and cut it. Her real form of a cat-like humanoid skeleton grabbed and changed weapons midair, all of them Egyptian and ranging from simple blades to axes, sickles and even spears. Each stab and cut dug into the smaller monster's flesh, and she used her powers to keep it tied up and properly nailed to the floor.

Naruto held the chokuto with both hands and slashed at Shinju's side, getting it to holler in anger and pain when a large gash appeared on the wrist. The blond eyed the beast carefully and made sure to keep his distance, moving his feet to circle around it. Shinju then surprised him by standing on its stump, raising its mouth-palm into the air, and roaring loud enough to make the air ripple and the two other fighters flinch.

"Oh no you don't!" Naruto heard behind him as he covered his ears, and watched a big-armed figure's back.

When Shinju brought down his palm to crush the blond, he was met with resistance from a peppy acrobat girl, "Cerebella, am I glad to see you!" he shouted, his ears still ringing.

She winked at him, "You can say that again, now…" she cracked her knuckles before her hat pushed the enormous arm, making it fall on its back! "Let's knock him out!"

As for Eliza, she didn't want to keep the finger-monster at bay after how the arm tired her when she did the same to it, but it was her best option. With her microphone's blade, she stopped its charge and cut deep into its body. She then lifted her right hand and tried to control its blood… only to be shocked as it kept trying to lunge at her despite the blade stopping it.

"We have trouble, I can't control its blood anymore!" she called at the blond and green-head.

"Where are the others?" Naruto asked the acrobat.

"On their way, and you!" Cerebella replied as she hugged Naruto's arm into her generous valley, "Don't get any fun ideas! When this is over, you will be out of our sights!"

"Just help then, little girl." The singer told her.

"That's what I'm here for, to fix the mess you started." The acrobat told her.

Letting out a tsk in disgust, Eliza ignored the girl and lifted her microphone stand, throwing the snake-finger over her head. Seeing this, Naruto was quick to jump at it and split it in half with a clean slice from the tip to the stump. And even if she was disgusted by what she was seeing, Cerebella grabbed a nearby lamp post and smashed it, delivering a solid homerun that sent the smaller monster back to its bigger form.

When Shinju got up, it opened its maw… and devoured its spawn. The trio felt a bit sick watching it eat with its mouth open due to its lack of lips. Even worse was the fact that when it swallowed it the beast's missing digit grew back where Naruto cut it. It just grew back, brand new, and the enormous monster arm roared once again as if to welcome it to the world.

"And that used to be your arm." Eliza started to turn as green as Cerebella's hair.

"Trust me, I'm not attached to it anymore…" he paused before slapping his face, "God dammit, I can't believe I said that."

"I must be rubbing off on ya!" Miss Fortune's voice reached their ears before the cat girl used the blond as a step to jump at the gigantic arm and slash wildly at its wrists and forearm as she fell. When she landed on all fours like the feline she was, she smirked for a brief moment. Her joy was short-lived for the wounds she inflicted on it were starting to close.

"I hope Avery and your boys can get enough oil to drench this thing." Naruto told Eliza as Miss Fortune jumped back to join them.

"What're our options, captain?" the feline thief asked slightly worried.

"Burn it and make sure the fire consumes it until not even ashes remain, or seal it in my other arm." He lifted his right arm, "Not really good options."

The group watched chakra gathering at the monster's mouth, forming a Bijuu Dama for which they prepared themselves, "Why not go with the second option, then?"

"Because the first time was mostly an accident, doing it again may not work as well, and Shinju could've broken free if I made any mistake." He coated his blade with wind chakra.

Cerebella grabbed a hold of the ground to chuck at it, "It's a good last resort, though…" she hated saying it, but she knew she was right.

"Not a very safe one either." Miss Fortune said as she squatted to bounce anywhere she would need to.

"Trust me, after a day with that thing, it would be a nightmare to know it still lives." Eliza growled as her blood formed large wings to either attack using them as blades or fly away.

Naruto raced forward, threw the dagger up and held the chokuto with both hands. Shinju charged back at him, crawling with its mouth opened to swallow him whole. When the dagger fell down, the blond leaped into the air, spun his body, and kicked it at the monster's large maw. When the small blade cut through the back of the hand, the whiskered swordsman landed for another jump with his blade up.

Not one to be outdone in a performance, and since Shinju hadn't stopped charging its attack, Cerebella had her hat punch the boulder of concrete right at the beast's mouth. It shut Shinju up completely like a gag, forcing him to halt charging the Bijuu Dama to crush the chunk of street in its teeth by biting hard. The girl smirked as she followed her savior with her hat cracking its knuckles.

However, Shinju should've paid attention to the cat girl when she rolled to him, dashing under the enormous demonic arm before punting it skywards. Her leg extended like it was rubber thanks to her powers. As she saw it move to her, the thief was quick to grab her tail, holding it like a sword when seeing the green-clad boy above the monster. And just to be annoying to Shinju, she winked at it before leaping up.

As one, all three came down on the monster, Viceversa's arms crushing the knuckles, Naruto stabbing the back of the hand with Nadia slashing the palm. Shinju let out a roar as it staggered and fell.

"Did that do any good?" Cerebella asked worriedly.

"It's a start!" Eliza's voice replied from above as she held her palm down, summoning gallons of blood from her place to act as chains to keep Shinju down.

"Wait, I thought you couldn't hold it!" Nadia said with a sneer, readying her claws to face her wicked fellow cat woman.

"And I can't!" Eliza yelled back before the demon broke one of the blood chains in its struggle, "It'll be temporary, so try to wear it out before it breaks loose!"

"Don't mind if we do!" shouted Samson, followed by a high-kick from Filia whose leg was covered in her dark hair to make a drill.

Going all out, Filia managed to dig her heel into the part between the middle and ring fingers' knuckles, splitting it briefly before she had to jump back when some of the vein-tendrils lashed at her. Seeing her land at his side brought a smile to Naruto's face and a small scowl on Cerebella's. But the green-head would admit she did good.

"Sorry for the delay." She gasped, "We came as fast as we could after getting everyone out with Parasoul's troops."

"Could've made it earlier if the fight hadn't started this soon." The parasite grumbled.

"No one's at fault here." Nadia said, before smirking at Eliza as she let go of Shinju, "Oh wait, speaking of no one."

"Shut it before I skin you to make a kitten purse." The singer sneered.

It roared again at the odd party, thrashing around at everything in a blind rage, "Well, it's more pissed off than before." Samson observed, "What now?"

"Wear it down, burn it with enough oil, keep it from getting to innocent bystanders." Parasoul listed the objectives as she and her Egrets arrived, "And improve when necessary."

"All we got to do is not lose our rhythm? Can do." Big Band replied with a chuckle as he readied himself with Peacock on his shoulders.

"Avery better come back, a lady shouldn't wait." The tiny redhead said before winking to Naruto, "After all, I got our first date planned at a fine joint here, Sweet Cheeks."

Naruto sighed with a tired if honest smile, "I appreciate the sense of humor, but save it for after we deal with this monster."

Peacock merely tipped her hat at him, rolling it down one arm then catching it in the other, "Dontcha worry your pretty self! 'Cos we're gonna do this right! Hey Princess Big Tits, let's go!"

Parasoul coughed in shock, "E-excuse me?! What did you call me?!"

Peacock just gave her one toothy grin, "Let's just get this party started right!"

Filia swallowed slowly, before her eyes got serious, "I won't let you destroy this world, my city, or the man I love!" she coughed suddenly at that last omission, her face steaming red while Peacock whistled.

"Whew~! You sure love Sweet Cheeks a lot, huh, Chubby Chops?" her nickname made Filia freeze, the schoolgirl's hand shooting to her waist and squeezing the lovely meat.

"…I'm not that chubby am I…?" she asked Naruto, the blond mulling it over.

"A bit, yes, but that's what makes you rather cute. And hey, at least you ain't as badly out of shape as others... You're plumper, yet still cute and curvy." He said with a blush, getting her to smile while her cheeks gained a red similar to her eyes.

Peacock was jealousy incarnate for a few seconds, "Hey, what about me!? Aren't you curious what this figure will grow into in the future!?"

Cerebella fumed, "Please, like you two could compete with..." she moved hers and Viceversa's arms around her frame, "...all of this."

"In all fairness, a man's taste in women is like his taste in meat. Nothing wrong with liking a bit of everything." Big Band commented.

"We've more important matters to attend to!" Parasoul shouted, stomping her foot on the ground with her face resembling her hair.

Nadia started to laugh uncontrollably, "Ahahaha, this is just great! Princess Stuck-Up is so embarrassed! Oh, I wish I met you guys sooner!"

"Sis is redder." Umbrella said from her hiding spot in a truck.

Eliza groaned, "I'll die along the biggest imbeciles alive..."

XXXXXX

As Naruto and his allies fought Shinju in all his demonic and chaotic madness, three figures watched intently what was happening. For these three what they were seeing was mostly a game. A game in which they made things interesting by abusing mankind's weakness, every human's will to live or die for: desire. And they did so by giving them a reason to fight.

But then, someone appeared who was not from their game, a cog that forced the others to move in different directions, "Naruto Uzumaki... I didn't think much of him, but to get this far as a glitch..."

"Aren't his actions just odd? He is struggling as a living embodiment of a bug. No matter what we've done, he has not willingly gone away. To return our game to the beginning." Another voice questioned the first, even as sounds of blowing could be heard. A cartridge was put back into a machine and turned on. Naruto was still fighting Shinju with all he had, making the first voice speak in irritation.

"Why won't he go away!? We've tried getting the game repaired, we've tried getting a new console, we've done everything short of taking it apart and trying to find where things went wrong. But he still remains!" The first voice said grumpily, making the second chuckle.

"Well, we haven't tried beating him, have we?"

That made the first stop, "You mean? Trying to erase him ourselves? But we're so far above him it shouldn't even have to come to that."

"He is trying to stop the Skull Heart from its programmed duty. He is a terrible influence on our game and has ruined the stories we've set for those around him. He _**must not get away with that.**_ " The sound of many mouths and voices speaking could be heard before the first concurred.

Their voice became far off and ageless, " _You're correct dear sister. We cannot allow him to continue corrupting our save files and our game with his glitch nature."_

Back to our hero, everything in his life and that of those he loved or was involved in was chaos.

Running up a crumbling building as it fell down from one of Shinju's wild swing, the boy readied his chokuto and dagger while Miss Fortune ran by his side. Cerebella was busy with Viceversa keeping the beast and its massive jaws back. Big Band was helping her, though the strain of steel joins said he was reaching his limit. And on Naruto's back was Peacock.

"So, Sweet Cheeks, dive-bomb?" she asked while readying a cartoonish bomb, lighting it with her cigar.

"And attack with everything we have." He said as he and the others jumped.

When sensing them incoming, Shinju's backhand shuddered before bone spikes shot out to try to impale them. Naruto was quick to slice the ones near him while Nadia kicked the beast with all her might. The arm let her foot sink in and make it stumble, which gave Naruto a good opening to open it with a clean slash. Grinning wickedly, Peacock rammed the bomb in before the three jumped off.

"Bomb-voyage!" Miss Fortune winked as she landed like the cat she was.

Seeing the arm shudder from the explosion, Big Band and Cerebella pushed it back before delivering a solid upper-cut that had it fall flat. However, as it came to be expected, the enormous living arm did got up. It was clear that it could take the punishment and anyone would've said the demon was hungry for it. Especially a cockily grinning Umbrella who could finally give out orders.

"Let it have it! Fire at will, men!" she shouted enthusiastically beside her sister as the Black Egrets poured every bit of lead they had into the monster's thick skin.

As that distracted the increasingly angrier Shinju, Eliza flew behind it followed by Filia, "I certainly enjoy working with you again, Samson."

"Better keep your promise to never bother Naruto again, or he and Samson won't be the ones you'll worry about." The schoolgirl warned the parasite.

"Well said, kid!" Samson cheered as he morphed into enormous jaws that bit and tore into the explosion wound.

Twirling her mic stand, Eliza rammed it into the wound, using her control over blood, "Stand still!" Shinju roared and thrashed, making her grunt as the strain of trying to control such a being tired her.

"Keep firing, men!" Parasoul shouted while firing from her pistol.

"We got the oil!" Albus and Horace announced as they came crashing through abandoned cars and debris on a truck.

"About time!" Eliza snapped before Shinju swung wildly to one side and flung her off. Her bodyguards were quick to use their bodies to cushion her fall.

And just then, Avery came out of a portal on a wall, "Hey boss, I got all the oil we had in store, even the cooking kind!" the small bird said as barrels of oil came falling out.

"Let's light this sucker, then!" Peacock cheered, turning to her obvious crush, "You know what to do, Sweet Cheeks."

"Yeah, it doesn't mean I'll like it." Naruto said as he held his human arm with his robotic one.

"Wait- what're you..." Filia's eyes widened, "You knew, didn't you!? You know we can't kill it so you're sealing it again inside you!"

"What!?" Cerebella exclaimed, "No, you're crazy, can you even do that again!?"

"My body's the only one compatible with that thing, and you've seen it fight!" he snapped, "We don't have another choice!"

"I fear he's right." Parasoul said as she and her troops started to step back, "It's recovering too quickly, even faster than before."

Eliza ground her teeth, "I can't believe I came to respect you so much, boy. But I will be woman of my word."

"Alright, if we're doing this." Big Band grabbed Naruto, putting him on his shoulders, "My body can take the heat, so let's go crazy, boys!"

"But..." Peacock started to tear up, "What if it doesn't work? I don't want to-"

"I'll be back." Naruto told her with a grin, "Bet on it, will you?"

"You better, or I'll be mad." Filia's pout made her more adorable than intimidating.

Nodding once at his first and best friend, Naruto held on to the large cyborg as he charged at the demon.

"Let's play it up!" Big Band rocketed into the sky, a powerful jet like blast of force launching him skywards, before he grabbed Naruto who prepared himself.

"You ready for the big finale Kid!?" Big Band asked.

Naruto yelled out even as he was thrown forward, "Ready as I'll ever be!" The Juubi howled furiously before Naruto wrote several seals onto his arm with utmost rapidity, making it glow a bright black, "Let's hope we can do this right..." The Ten Tails howled its fury at him, to which he responded with his own yell, "I'll take you back in with all of your hatred!"

" _ **RAAAAGHHHHAHHHHH!**_ " Light spheres collected around its maw and begun forming into a massive ball, making him curse.

"Oh hell no! You are not going to use a Bijudama right here! Eliza! NOW!" He yelled.

"On it!" the woman shot forward, her blood spraying out and forming an absolutely gigantic fist which slammed into the Juubi, making it stumble back as the ball went off kilter and begun dissolving.

Naruto smashed right into its head, his hand pushing against the flesh of it, before the seals glowed, "Back into the hole you go, and this time, there won't be any escaping!" he cursed it, making it shudder as its entire body glowed with energy that was immediately sucked through the seals.

"He did it, the mad boy did it!" Big Band cheered as everyone observed the beast getting sucked into his arm with a furious, final roar.

" _ **ROOOOOOAAAAAAAAARRRRGGGRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAHHHH!**_ " It cried out while its mass disappeared, shrinking.

In the end, Eliza stared at the dead arm before her, while Naruto panted, holding his remaining flesh arm, "And now, keep your word of maintaining that beast, and I'll be forgotten."

Grinning, the boy let himself fall on a knee, "I like this side of you better... Anyway, glad that problem's out of-"

Just as he was going to complete his sentence, he heard a sharp whistling noise, and ducked as a trio of scalpels nearly clipped his face. Whirling around, he saw a savage feral looking girl smash into him just as the mad singer gasped at the turn of event. As he was toppled by the girl, being kicked back by a savage swing of her leg, he was promptly wrapped up in a body bag, and savagely gut punched, making his vision fade.

"Thank you for your hard work." Valentine told the remaining fighters before throwing a smoke bomb to disappear from view.

Peacock snapped, "Oh you got to be friggin' kidding me!"

XXXXXX

Later, Naruto came to, blinking stars out of his eyes and looking like he had lost a fight with the world's most brutal nurse. He lied on the floor of a creepy and quite eerie landscape. As far as the eye could see there were piled up bones, glowing blue tendrils, mountains of rubble, every last bit of chaos imaginable. And floating in front of him, silently staring him down was the Skullgirl. Marie.

He slowly got up, groaning painfully, looking up at her while she floated, "So. You're what everyone's after, aren't you?" he asked and noticed he had countless thick bones around his arms.

Marie gained an ever so slight smile at the object of affection of one Patricia Watson, before it disappeared, "I was a friend to a great girl. Now, I'm just the Skullgirl."

"You're just a kid, do you really have to throw your life and be a monster?" He told her quietly.

After a solemn minute passed, her expression remained as unmoving and unyielding as the bones around her, "I'm afraid I have no choice anymore. The last thing I can do with my free will is end the Medici Mafia. You may have ruined them, but I will destroy them and wipe their blighted existence away from this world."

"Can you even be okay with that!? Throwing away everything you are like that!?" He asked her, her eyes closing as she gave a small nod. "Dammit! DAMMIT! Don't you joke with me! Life, yours, mine, anyone's... No one should just throw their own away!" he cursed furiously, trying to walk to her before vertebrae shot out like leaving chains to pull him back. He was left to try to walk to her in futile anger.

She floated near him, her expression one of reluctance, "You feel that badly for me, that you lament my fate? Don't be so naïve… I chose this power of my own free will. I'm not as innocent as you wish me to be… I'm the one who tossed away her humanity for the sake of revenge."

"Like I care!" he shouted while the bones finally pulled him against a wall, with him struggling all the way, "You... I can see it in your eyes! Clear as day! You're not doing this for yourself, you're not mindless. All of that hatred in you is not empty! Perhaps you were selfish, but your eyes are too kind."

His determined eyes, the life in them, the fire fueling him to reach her touched a nerve, "What are you...?" she gasped as the cursed artifact in her pulsed.

"Hey, where are you going!?" he asked worriedly when she turned, flying off, "Dammit! Come back! Tell me now, who or what are you really fighting for!?"

"Sad, isn't it?" Valentine appeared behind him, angering the blond.

"You-" he was promptly introduced to a scalpel inches from his face.

"Before you say a word, no, I didn't force her, nor did my other... Let's call her an associate." The nurse put her weapon back in its hammer-space pocket, "She chose this, willingly and without hesitation. Now, for you to understand, let me warn you." She looked up, a melancholic look on her face, "Everyone who wants that thing is ready to throw everything away for a wish. Hers was, sadly, one of twisted love."

"And you?" he glared harshly at her.

Giggling through her nose, "I'm a puppet waiting for the time to cut her strings. Not that someone here wouldn't know what it's like."

Double appeared as a kind-looking nun, patting Naruto's head affectionately, "If you are this open, then we can conclude our duel sooner than later." She then gripped Naruto's hair, pulling him hard to make him stare into crimson eyes, "But you are the reason I feel at ease yet so full of anger."

Chuckling lightly despite a slight hiss of pain, he locked glares with a smirk, "Sorry, sister. If you wanted a date, you should have chosen another profession."

"Jesting won't serve you." She threw his head, but he didn't let it hit the floor, "No, I am grateful you reduced that monster to a sad excuse of what she was. Even making her surrender and throw away her pride. I cannot let you forgive her, though." She gripped him by the neck, hard, "After the life I lost thanks to her, I wished you'd have done what I couldn't! Why, I would have even served you blindly."

"Lady..." he wheezed for breath, but didn't let that stop a new, wider smile, "If you wanna kill me, do you think you can...deal with my...little friend...?" Valentine yelped and stepped back when seeing Naruto's remaining arm twitching. Immediately and with fear in her eyes, Double let him go, allowing him to catch his breath, "Yeah... Cough... Thought so..."

"I will..." Double started, but couldn't find her words. Instead, she clawed at the air, as if trying to grip and shred the wind passing by her fingers.

"You will what?" he rhetorically asked, "Way I see it, the reason I'm here is because that tiny lady who's your boss doesn't want Shinju out."

"If I was her, I'd find a way to chain you up properly." Valentine added nonchalantly, though her chaining up involved whips, latex and oil.

"Anyway, good luck keeping me here and alive." He grunted.

Valentine smiled under her mask, cruelly, "Seal's still unstable. Sad thing, really. If only you could be such a dear to not let it get out ever again."

"What are you hinting at?" the blond asked, growling as he tried to regain control over his possessed limb.

Grinning wickedly, Valentine approached him, "Well, there must be a way, and it doesn't require the Skull Heart. Surely you must know, or at least want to find it."

Looking down, he spoke quietly, "There is..." he saw the nurse approach him, "...it can be found..." she leaned close, "...in your tits."

Getting slapped was so worth making the nurse mad.

"Insolent brat." Even Double was mad.

But before they could keep going, Marie's voice called for them, "Valentine, Double! We got guests, too many of them!"

Looking at each other and then the blond, the two left to attend the maid's call. Naruto for his part groaned and shook his arms, "Alright, can't believe I'm doing this..." a click was heard when his prosthetic arm was separated from the rest of his body. Grunting at the feeling of bizarre sensation of all his nerves suddenly just shutting off, he pulled the stump out his bone-vest and freed himself.

XXXXXX

At the cathedral above him, his friends were facing off against Valentine and Double. While both were a great pair of fighters, they weren't part of a group sharing a common goal, a bizarre comradery, and rage an actual berserker would shy away from. Tracking the two, finding the place, bombing the door, and storming in were Filia, Cerebella, Peacock, Parasoul, Umbrella, Big Band, Miss Fortune, and Eliza.

Even the princess' army and the diva's assistants were ready to lend a hand, "Remember, after he is safe, cherish this last dance for it'll be our last." The singer told Samson.

"Good riddance, then." He cracked his knuckles as Filia stepped forward, aiming a finger at the two women.

"Give us Naruto back, and end this madness!" she glared, "The pain you made others feel, turning others into weapons... I will never forgive you! For your own good, give us back the one man who has tried harder than any other to help us in this dark world!"

Valentine grinned, "Sorry, but we just had to buy time."

As she said that, someone Peacock recognized appeared, "Marie!?" the tiny redhead's eyes started to water, "No... This is a joke, right!?" she ground her teeth, creating metallic sparks as everyone took in the new information with shock, "Come on, say something, old pal of mine! You...You can't be the real Marie, can you!?"

"Deny it if you want, Patricia." The maid said, her body burning with azure fire, "I...wish to not pain you any longer, so see me as a monster."

"Everyone!" the Skullgirl slayer called her companions' attention, "Let me just ask her one thing before I do my job in Skullgirl season!" they stood silent, showing some respect, "Marie, you... You haven't gotten in any kind of danger or hurt before this, did you?"

"Indubitably, the worst pain was leaving you behind." The soft-spoken maid told her with a sad expression.

"Good. Second question..." she looked at the pigtailed girl dead in the eye, tears still in her empty sockets, "You haven't laid a finger on him, have you?"

"After seeing how far he went when you put his trust in him, I could never." As she said that, the ghostly maid levitated, "But if you are to stand in my way, I shall not hold back, Patricia." She emphasized her words by summoning the bones under the cathedral, breaking and splitting the earth and the building as if they were in an earthquake!

"Good, it's..." the tiny redhead grinned, aiming a finger forward as she and the others charged, "SHOWTIME!"

Naruto stumbled in the basement after tripping over a bone pile, he laid there in the rubble, having exhausted his meager reserves, still tired and adjusting his robotic arm, "Come on, stay conscious..." he told himself, grinding his teeth as he leaned on a wall to put the artificial limb in its socket. Ignoring the nausea and pain of his prosthetic being reattached, he tried to hurry up.

He started running up and over the mountains of bones, his feet flying across their surface, his view narrowed into a laser focus towards where he heard the sounds of fighting.

Viceversa slammed both fists down in front of Cerebella bracing her against the ground, which in turn allowed the acrobat to use her body like a bridge for Filia. Said adorably chubby schoolgirl quickly run atop her love rival, jumped off and then spiraled towards Valentine like a drill, Samson's face seen morphing around her and forming rotor like blades!

"You can do better than that, can't you, rich girl!?" Valentine exploded into smoke, moments before she came crashing down atop Filia's body.

Her scalpels dug into plump flesh, or so she thought before Filia's grin became particularly unhinged. Blood dripping from her body before her skin melted off. Eliza appeared before the nurse, grabbing Valentine in both arms and then ramming her into the ground. Filia poked her head behind Cerebella, having been a decoy of the bloody parasite. Samson grimaced irritated at seeing his visage accurately replicated by Eliza.

"Ugh, do I really look that ugly or is just the friggin' bloody bitch?" he grumbled to Filia who walked towards Valentine slowly. The ninja nurse groaned as she got up, Eliza's cat like skeletal body posturing in front of her until a feral roar made the trio leap away.

Double's face was warped into a hideous demented parody of a scowl, multiple mouths spitting out one name and one name only with pure unrelenting hate, " _ **Sekhmet…! YOU BIIIIIITCHHHHH!"**_

Eliza placed a bony hand to her cheek, giving Double a long hard stare, "Terribly sorry. But whoever you are isn't important to me. I've went through so many enemies and pathetic wretches, I can't be bothered to remember them."

Double was stunned silent. Enough so that she reformed into her nun disguise, "You…don't know who I am?"

Eliza stared at her again, tilting her head quizzically as Double gained multiple eyes that blinked rapidly, "Should I?" All of them shrunk, Double's features quivering like jelly.

" **YOU WRETCH**!" Her scream was a torrent of voices, multiple mouths speaking in unison with an unending tirade of hatred and rage.

Eliza in turn, merely threw back her head and laughed, "Ahahaha! So you're just yet another pathetic revenge seeking cur!? Hahaha! How many of you would be avengers do I have to put down before you stop trying!?" Casually dodging the enraged and rotting onslaught of limbs, bodies, meat, and blades.

Using blood sprays to lift herself skywards with contemptuous ease, she reformed her skin and sneered coldly. Double gave chase posthaste, roaring as her body became a terrifying amalgamation of multiple legs, arms and malformed flesh. Like a nightmarish Eldritch abomination, she ran on four arms and seven legs after the slippery bloody diva.

While that went on, Marie was losing her patience, "Make yourself useful." She said as she summoned a mafia skeleton armed with a Tommy gun.

"Read the sign!" Peacock shouted, holding a stop sign to shield herself from the bullets.

"And have a good night!" Big Bang yelled before punching the undead gangster's skull clean off.

"Rise." The small maid called out for more, making her former friend pant tiredly, "Patricia..." her still human side gave her a pity look.

Grinning at that, the anti-Skullgirl weapon grinned, "Don't look like that, I'm catching my breath for the next song and dance." Then she bared her sharp beartrap teeth, "How about a traditional Irish step dance? I will gladly use that disgusting Skull Heart lodged in you as the stage!"

"You sure you can do this?" Miss Fortune asked, giving Peacock a concerned stare, "I know this mustn't be easy for you."

"Like I said..." the tiny redhead started, pulling out her massive revolver, "It's Skull Heart season!"

"She's a bit single-minded, as you can see." Big Bang told the cat burglar.

Meanwhile, Valentine had to deal with Parasoul's army. Dodging left and right, she let the princess' soldiers uselessly shoot the floor she stood on. Pulling out her bone-saw-sword, the nurse kunoichi jumped over Filia's kick, attempting to cut her. However, the red-haired princess dashed forward, practically gliding gracefully on the floor to parry the slash with her umbrella like she were in a fencing tournament.

Glaring at the redhead, she growled, "I see your new soldier and those two's crush surrounds himself with big pains in the-"

"Hey!" Cerebella shouted, jamming Viceversa's fingers on the ground, "One of them is his future wife, and she has green hair!"

Valentine, Parasoul and Filia yelped when the ground flipped under their feet. A large chunk of the floor was thrown into the air. But before they could yell how stupid the idea seemed for the fact the acrobat had also sent her allies flying, she jumped after them. Kicking off chunks of debris to get to her comrades, she grinned and had Viceversa use its hands as platforms for them to stand on.

Copying the green head's trick, the nurse also kicked off some debris to right herself midair. Just to see the acrobat throw her fellow do-gooders at her, "Give up and give us back Naruto!" Filia shouted as she dive-kicked the scarred woman on the jaw.

"Little brat!" Valentine snapped, ready to strike her with her spear.

That was why Cerebella also threw Parasoul, who used her weapon to block the strike, kicked the spear off the nurse's hands, and let Filia punch her with her own fist, "Take that!" the schoolgirl shouted, using all her might to rattle a few teeth in the nurse's mouth.

Crashing on the floor, Valentine groaned at her landing, watching the cathedral's ceiling while her three opponents approached her, "Do you know...what is worth fighting for?" she asked to give them pause while she got up on one knee.

"The person I love." Filia and Cerebella answered simultaneously, looking at each other in shock. Taking advantage of that, the nurse reached behind her in a millisecond and threw seven scalpels at them. Reacting even faster, Parasoul pulled her gun and fired, shooting three. Her two companions let out loud yelps when seeing they weren't hit. But the elder princess was.

"Sis!" Umbrella cried.

"Your Majesty!" her soldiers and the other two girls exclaimed.

"Guh..." she bent over, holding her midsection where the blades cut her side, "I'll be fine, you need to apprehend-"

Eyes bulging almost out of their sockets, she made the girls and a confused Valentine turn to something behind the nurse.

"Hello." Painwheel, unmasked and better than ever, growled at the nurse, "And goodbye."

Kicking the nurse sky-high with a wicked strike of her heel straight to the woman's jaw, Carol didn't just stop there. Chasing after the woman who turned into the monster she had been, the beastly girl showed her new form. Deep stitching marks forming a cross on her face remained, but her arms and legs lost the black coloration of her veins, and a healthier peachy shade covered her skin.

Most importantly, she could fight, as Valentine noted when throwing five scalpels the furious girl kicked away midair. Roaring angrily, she showed the bladed wheel on her back, which spun fast enough to launch her forward. In doing so, she reared back a hand, sharp spikes shooting from her fingertips like claws. Valentine could only gasp as her attempt to block them with her bone-saw sent her weapon flying.

Exposed, the kunoichi was punched right on the face, sent into a hole as she crashed through the wooden floors. Groaning in the soil beneath the cathedral, she tried to get up with a gloved hand, only to find that girl whose life she helped to ruin hunched like a lioness. Like a true hunting animal, Carol was ready to strike and maim the nurse, but her stare alone and those of her friends were enough to freeze her.

"Why...aren't you finishing me...?" the fallen kunoichi asked, glaring with her only good eye.

Bringing up a hand to show off her claws, Carol growled, "Because I'm not your toy anymore... I'd rather see you pay properly, not with a quick death."

Grinning weakly, Valentine closed her eye, "Foolish girl... That heart will only cause you pain."

"It can't hurt more than what I went through." Anything else she could have said was stopped when Eliza crashed behind them.

"Ugh... I got sloppy." The diva grunted as she got up, flanked by her bodyguards while Double lost her mind from anger.

"Get up!" the nun roared, turning to her human form, "After all you've done, I shall make eternity a constant nightmare for you where seconds will become centuries of suffering! I shall lay upon you every painful, horrible agony on your flesh and soul and make you beg for death! And then, I will deny you such release!"

Everyone got into position as Double became none other than Naruto, but the clothes were read, the eyes yellow, and the hair black.

Seeing the copy, Carol turned to Filia, "Where is he?"

"He's..." the schoolgirl's answer came crashing through the floor, "...there!"

Jumping out of a hole he made, Naruto landed on a kneeling position like a superhero, "Ugh... That really does a number on the joints..." he grumbled and looked at the chaos around him, "What did I miss, guys?" his question was stopped when Filia, Cerebella and, surprisingly, Carol hugged him.

"I-I know it wasn't your fault, but don't you dare make me worry like that again!" Filia sobbed, looking with her chin on his chest at his face with tears in her eyes.

"I'm just glad you're okay!" Cerebella squealed, rubbing her face on his arm.

"I-I just wanted to thank you!" the scarred girl squeaked out, looking bashful and insanely adorable.

A pause.

"What am I watching?" Double asked.

Peacock, who had currently smashed a living skeleton's head into dust by summoning a road-roller, glared at Carol, "Hey, Scarface, the fight's between Brown Sugar Tits, Chubby Chops and yours truly!" she glared at Carol, who glared back.

"I-I really just wanted t-to thank him!" she felt true indignation.

"Really?" the whiskered boy asked and the girl nodded, looking serious, "Good, I don't think how I could've handled more-"

"Enough!" Double Naruto shouted, holding both the chokuto and dagger.

Everyone turned to see Bloody Marie hold her face with a hand, "Yes, we've allowed this tomfoolery to go too far."

Running forward as one, they attacked. Naruto and Double clashed, his mechanical arm managed to keep up with her copied one and the flesh one. Both were at a stalemate, the blond glaring at the nun who let out a grunt, shocked that despite his condition he remained insanely strong. Kicking her on the gut, the boy flipped back, avoiding the machinegun fire of a Tommy wielding skeleton.

Bloody Marie held up her hands, more undead appearing and facing the others. Big Band's large size and rocket thrusters made him the ideal tank. The large saxophone man was easily capable of breaking through the undead, which the more agile fighters used to their advantage. Miss Fortune and Filia jumped over him; the two dive-kicked a massive skeleton in a suit, obvious Medici muscle.

More appeared, "Does she ever run bone dry?" Nadia asked with a catty but very nervous grin.

"Urgh!" Carol grunted as she jumped over her, clawing at one of the larger undead, tearing it apart, "Less jokes, more action!" she shouted, showing the feral side of Painwheel still inside her. But before Filia could feel afraid of it, she saw the girl race at her and use her massive bladed wheel to cut one of the skeletons sneaking on the chubby schoolgirl.

"Be alert, kid!" Samson reprimanded her.

"Y-Yes, and thank you, Carol!" she squeaked with a genuinely thankful smile and tiny blush.

"You're welcome..." the scarred girl said, a blush on her own face.

Bloody Marie frowned, "Friendship...how nostalgic but useless..."

"Hey buddy, batter up!" the maid yelped when Peacock appeared behind her, holding a banjo. The ghostly girl felt her world spin from the swing, a grunt escaped her lips while she snarled at her redhead friend, a grin on Patricia's face, "Useless? Good old pal, check your eyes, because I don't need the ones in my arms or those I lost to see we've gotten this far because of the friend we needed!"

"I see that young man is very important to you, but our friendship is becoming an obstacle..." she looked down with sorrow, "I shall erase it, starting by breaking your heart."

Peacock put two and two easily together, "N-Naruto, watch out!" she had her back turned, a big mistake.

As Naruto ducked under a swing of his Double's version, he felt the ground shake. Immediately, he jumped up before a gigantic skeletal hand grabbed him, "Oh no you don't!" Cerebella shouted, mad. Punching a crater in the floor, she made even the skeletons stumble. A second punch shot out several rocky spikes that she promptly punched right at them.

Big Band, who had been busy trying to push back a massive nine-foot-tall mafia skeleton, saw it and spun around so the rocks crushed his enemy, "Damn, I nearly forgot why mama told me never to anger a lady." A drop of sweat dripped down his chin while the others kept fighting.

"I'd say our only mutual friend is more terrifying if he wants to be." Eliza said, flying past him with bloody wings to slash five of the undead with her microphone stand. Snapping her fingers, she had her assistants run to her, carrying a trolley somehow to clear a path.

Thanks to everyone's efforts, Parasoul's soldiers started to take care of the other undead, leaving the princess to help her honorary soldier, "Riposte!" she shouted, parrying Double Naruto's blade with her weapon, a second later she drove the tip into her gut, sending her flying back while she aimed at her head with her gun, "Do not think about it."

"Good job, sis, all according to my plan!" Umbrella said proudly, her weapon already devouring some of the undead and debris.

"Wait, where is he?" Double asked, reverting to her nun form.

"Oh no..." they turned to Big Band, who watched as Marie gripped Peacock by the throat singlehandedly.

"Enough is enough." Marie said, sadly, but grunting, "Sorry, Patricia, but this wish will be completed. At least I can remember you as a good friend." a sorrowful smile appeared on her face, her grip grew tighter as a hand went to her chest.

Despite the pain, Peacock knew the problem, "M-Marie, stop it! It's not worth it! Please..."

"It had to be me." the maid said, blue fire slowly consuming her body.

"Not if I can help it!"

As usual, Naruto acted, thinking with his heart. But it was useless. A wave of Marie's hand commanded a gigantic limb made of the destroyed skeletons to materialize and swat him aside, just when his hand had a grip on Peacock's arm. Turning to her old friend with a sad expression, she couldn't help but smile a bit.

"Lucky you, Patricia..." she started as more giant limbs appeared, terrifying everyone. "He seems like a good man. I wish...I could've seen you grow, perhaps even be your child's godmother..." a tear slid down her cheek as her body started to become charred, a sign of her humanity still struggling. But eventually, she fully approached her, the Skull Heart showing itself.

And then, Peacock smirked, "About time I saw you!" she shouted, before being replaced with a cloud of smoke by Naruto!

"What!?" Marie cried before he rammed his flesh arm into her ribcage, grabbing the heart.

"A quick switch to be close to you, Marie!" he shouted, grinding his teeth from the fire burning his arm, "Because if this thing is what's making you hurt your friend, I want to destroy it!" he yelled as he pulled out the heart...and everything stopped.

 **ERROR! ERROR! ERROR!**

Darkness surrounded him.

Silence buzzed into his ears.

Time itself stopped.

And before him, in his hand, was the source of many people's suffering, " **You have made it this far... Tell me, what is your-** " it was silenced when Naruto gripped it in his hand, closing its mouth. A furious sneer on his face said enough, but he made himself clear.

"Giving people a wish is your thing, right? But I've seen what you've done, you're not fooling me." he clenched his jaw as it tried to burn his still human hand, but applied more pressure to his hold, "But...if I can at least get rid of you, to erase you for good from existence, that'd mean no one else would have to suffer, right!?"

" **Fool, humans cannot move forward without desire! Without a reason to wake up every morning, they are like birds with their beaks open waiting for their next meal. None would leave their nest! Take me away, and what would they strive for!? What will they use to keep on living!?** " it argued, but Naruto had already made up his mind.

"True, if I hadn't my wish to be Hokage, I...I wouldn't even be here." He snickered at an awful memory of a noose and a chair, "But...I don't need desire anymore. Everywhere I've been here, there were amazing people who moved forward. Rather than give up when things were bad and didn't go their way, they tried to find a solution. You were just the easiest and stupidest answer."

He tightened his grip, chakra sipping out, " **W-Wait! You could go back to your home, rebuild it! I can give you back those you lost, make your dreams come true, return your family! I-I can make you into a god! Listen to me, just listen to me! Y-You...!** "

"I..." Naruto started, closing his hand into a fist, "...have my own happy ending here, and I wouldn't let you give me a fake one." He tightened his grip more and more, cracks echoing in the silence, "I lost too much, I know you could give it back. However, I found people whose smiles I want to keep seeing here, and you're not taking them away!"

" **P-Please, stop it! Stop! STOOOOO-** "

"Enough."

Before Naruto, in the dark void, appeared three women. One clad in undergarments with a red scarf, mouths on her sides, and black hair done in an upward ponytail. Another was far more bizarre, she had a nun's headset, and an hourglass instead of a torso. The towering one in the middle wore a nun's outfit, and half her face was missing, instead he looked at her skull.

It was the one in the middle that spoke to him, "That's him, mother. The glitch." Said the hourglass woman.

"Glitch?" he echoed.

"We are The Trinity, and you have been a nuisance." Replied the scarf-wearing one.

"And my children have tried to get rid of you, return you to your world." The mother said, walking to him, "Your game was over a long time ago, and my children moved to a new one. Yet your determination, your will to keep on living made you appear here."

"Wait, what do you mean my game is over!?" he yelled, "What have you done to my world!?"

"It is gone, as you should be." the hourglass woman answered.

"What...?" he lost his breath, yet didn't release his grip on the Skull Heart.

"As my sister said, you should have disappeared, but here you are, and even made it to the Skull Heart with unconventional means." The other daughter said.

Her sibling agreed, "And no matter how hard we tried to fix your existence, you remain here."

The mother grabbed his shoulders, "Which is why I came here. Choose, keep on living here, become a part of this world, or have your memories deleted forever."

"What do you..." as he asked that, he noted his mechanical arm started to disappear from existence from trying to push her away, "M-My arm!"

"Thanks to this room, I can erase your existence with a simple thought, so choose wisely." The mother started. "You will be trapped in the game regardless, so willingly become a part of it, another character for it, or lose your memories. Lose who you were and have been with those characters. Forget everything. You will start from square one over and over again, regardless."

"My choices are living in a loop knowing of you or living in one without any idea..." he started, looking at them in the eye.

"It's not easy, but it seems to be the only way we can deal with you in our game." The hourglass daughter said.

Looking at them longer, he grinned, "Option C it is."

"You have no other options." The one with the scarf said.

"Let me ask, why did you come here, did you think I was going to use the Skull Heart or destroy it?" he asked with a wide grin.

"Yes, thus achieving an ending that shouldn't exist." The mother warned him, "If you did, who knows what'll happen to the game?"

"I like those odds." He said, and grinned, "But you're wrong." He lifted the Skull Heart, letting them see marks swirling into it, "I wasn't trying to destroy it, I was sealing Shinju in it!"

"What!?" the three asked, showing true fear on their faces!

"I wasn't, but you gave me an idea!" he cheered.

"Y-You tricked us!" the mother shouted, furious.

"I thought it was odd you'd be this close to me, and if I have Shinju and the Skull Heart, it had to be for a reason." He aimed the burning skull at them, pouring Shinju's chakra into it, "Oi, you ten-tailed bastard! If you can hear this, then you must hate them, right!? For once, listen to me and make this wish come true: I want to live in a world where these three won't ever toy with others' lives."

"You...!" the mother started, before blue fires erupted, consuming Naruto.

As the blue flames licked his body without burning it, he couldn't help but grin, "So...this is why you were always so mad, huh?" he asked, grinning at the trio of terrified goddesses.

"N-No, if he uses those two powers together, who knows what'll happen!" the hourglass woman screamed.

"M-Mother, we need to- AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

Naruto extended a palm forward, azure fire consuming the two daughters, their mother furious, "Stop it, what do you think you're doing!?"

"Living in a world where we're not your toys!" he shouted, before the mother was also consumed in flames.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Y-YOU! YOU ARE NOTHING! Y-YOUR EXISTENCE IS...! HOW!?"

"I live my life how I want...free." and with that, the three vanished into ashes.

 **GAME OVER!**

 **CONTINUE?**

And that's my rap!

I'm so happy to have pulled this out, I know the wait may have made it anticlimactic, but I'm glad I wrote it. I hope everyone enjoyed this. I will post an epilogue sooner or later. Just know that the final girls for the harem are, obviously, Filia, Cerebella and Peacock.

I wish I could've done more, but putting everyone in the cast like this would've been difficult. Even the Avengers movies separate the cast to not make it a clusterfuck.

Do be honest, you can say some parts were an asspull, and I hurriedly wrote them to finish it, but I was having too much fun to care. I know I'll groan to myself in the future for it, but...I cannot deny I had quite some fun doing this.

Thank you all for your patience and for enjoying this story. I'll work on the epilogue and I hope to have it done before this week ends. No promises, as it's been a busy week for me.

Swordslinger out!


	9. Epilogue

I OWN NOTHING

All journeys must come to an end, and I'm glad I got to see the end of this one.

 **XXXXXX**

Time had passed, flown by.

Godly powers were good and all, but they couldn't compare with simpler things.

Like having an annoying alarm clock telling you to get your lazy ass out of bed.

Or the smell of delicious breakfast being cooked.

In a spacious two-story house in the kingdom of Canopy, Naruto grinned at the smell and grabbed his clothes, with two flesh arms. He was quickly dressed in a simple Black Egret uniform: olive green jacket, dress pants, and black boots. It also came with a military cap. Although what mostly changed was his body, being six feet tall and with a middleweight boxer's physique he had gotten sexy as Peacock said.

After walking downstairs to pick up the morning newspaper, he walked to the kitchen while reading the comics, "I can't tell who's lazier, Shikamaru or Garfield." He took a sip before noticing movement at his right side, making him grin. A ten-year-old blonde with red eyes and long hair was quickly caught, pouting cutely as her living hair grabbed his arm.

"Do I get a reward for almost catching you off guard?" she asked with an innocent grin.

"You should get your backpack." He commented, noting she wore a white blouse, black skirt, white shoes and black stockings.

"Oh fine..." she pouted as the blond approached the woman at the oven nearly finishing breakfast.

"Morning, Filia." He said kissing her cheek.

"Morning, sweetie." She smiled back, kissing his lips.

Filia had grown in more ways than one, remaining slightly chubby yet never overweight. Curvier than ever before, she made her husband desire her easily. Of course, her uniform had been hung. Although, she and Naruto kept it for special nights. Now she wore a pair of black house pants with slippers, a simple apron, and a very attractive tube top that propped up her breasts nicely.

"Caroline, did you bother your father today?" The literally two-faced woman asked with a small smile.

"Almost." The blonde girl said.

"Please try not to, today's going to be busy for him." The mother said before smiling at her handiwork, "Ah, it feels so good to be able to cook this well!"

"You're lucky I can survive mostly anything." Her husband commented, poking the eggs.

The little girl grimaced, "Would I have lived if I tried mom's first cooking attempts?"

"You two don't have to be so mean…" she whispered to herself.

"They have a point." Samson said, "At least your food served to knock me out whenever you two... Oh, I'll shut up."

"Good to know." Naruto told the parasite with a small glare, his daughter still too pure to learn of the birds and the bees.

"Mom, when dad gets back, can you two keep teaching me how to fight?" Caroline asked, "I still want to beat my brothers!"

Naruto grinned, patting her one-faced head, "Only if...speak of the devil."

"Avian, get back here!" shouted a redhead woman following a red haired, blue-eyed boy in red overalls with a black button shirt underneath and a slingshot in his hands.

The boy took aim at his face with an egg ready on the sling, and Naruto eyed a grown Peacock. Her body grew greatly in an hourglass figure, a lovely set of breasts he could sink his fingers in with curvy thighs and shapely legs. Her outfit remained the same, except more fit for an old-fashioned English woman with a black shoulder cape and matching bowler hat, and new, very realistic arms in white elbow-length gloves.

"Surprise, Daddy dearest!" Young Avian shouted, firing at his father's face, only to see a blur of speed slice the egg in half while hearing a metallic click come from the man's left side. Said father merely lifted a piece of toast to catch the egg while the shell fell off. Having eaten Japanese food, eating a raw egg on a piece of toast was not the oddest thing he had eaten by the standards of New Meridian.

"You'll have to try harder to get your old man, Avian." Naruto said with a cheeky grin before looking up, "Same for you, Ace. Your dad can still see you coming a mile away."

Over his head a small girl in an orange skin-tight top with four ace cards on the front, white shorts and black thighs pouted at being found. She jumped from the ceiling she had been walking on, her green ponytail bouncing slightly. Unlike her mother, her skin was a lighter shade than the green haired acrobat's yet darker than Naruto's, though she had his eyes.

Peacock had finally grabbed her son, taking his slingshot, "I swear you take this from me…" here she grinned widely, ruffling his hair, "Good job on the one-liner, though, kiddo. But next time, think pies." The redhead boy smirked back at her.

"Come on, Ace, jump into Mommy's arms." Said Cerebella while Vice Versa flexed its huge arms to catch the small girl. Unlike the other girls, she didn't change much, though her body did get bigger in all the right places and she was taller. Her outfit had been changed into an orange dress with a short skirt and long sleeves with a red whirlpool pattern on it, though she kept her old boots.

Naruto was finally served breakfast by Filia, a decent enough plate of pancakes with a butter on top, "Here you go, dear. Do your best at work."

He smiled and started eating, "Thanks, honey." He chuckled before staring to the side at a picture of him and the girls, he was wearing a tuxedo while everyone else wore white dresses.

In it he was struggling to stand with a white-clad barely legal Peacock hugging his neck, Cerebella hugging one arm into her breasts and Filia trying to uselessly free him from that madness. Dr. Avian had been on a wheelchair due to his old age, pulled by Big Band. Miss Fortune had been laughing up a storm, aiming a finger at the scene while Parasoul rubbed her temples at the sight, Umbrella had been busy with the cake.

After kissing his wives goodbye, seeing that his kids went into the bus to go to school and a quick drive to Parasoul's, he was ready to work. Walking out of a simple black car, he looked at a notepad and then his watch. He made sure to get it memorized before walking in. Once he was seen, every soldier he passed by saluted him, showing respect for the hero of their kingdom and the world.

"Naruto!" a grown Umbrella exclaimed, a teenage girl with shoulder-length hair and a matching raincoat, still yellow but hugging her developing body.

He didn't look away from his notepad and easily stopped her hug with a hand on her forehead, "Is your sister still boring you?"

"Ugh, Queen Sis is too busy to go for ice cream." The girl pouted.

He chuckled, "Go to classes, and once you're done I can take you and my kids for some."

"So long as your son puts another whoopie cushion on Her Royal Highness' seat." She beamed when saying that.

"Knowing how much he takes after his mother and me on the pranks, it's likely..." he said with a sigh.

"Any other plans?" she asked eagerly, "I'd like to fight the tykes a bit and see how much they're growing."

"And train with me, right?" he finally looked up from the notes, giving her a small grin which she returned, "Fine. Well, my big plan for tonight is watch Cerebella's newest show with everyone."

"Just another excuse to watch her show off her miniskirt?" asked none other than Nadia Fortune, still wearing her usual revealing outfit, although showing more curves.

"I'm still hoping the whole reforming and working for me helps you not anger the queen." The blond retorted with a patient smile.

"Oh yes, but you're free game. And Her Majesty can relax... Until the whole parole thing's over, then this kitten's a free citizen to poke fun at her." She beamed at that.

"Do not test her patience, after all the crimes you and your gang did, you're basically getting a free out of jail pass." He retorted.

"She's behind me, isn't she?" the cat shuddered, feeling cold sweat run down her back.

"She is." Parasoul, who had become quite an alluring woman whose outfit struggled to contain, whispered.

"I'll...think on my actions?" the cat woman offered with a weak smile.

"Naruto, I'd like you to go and see how Dr. Avian is doing with his patients once you're done here." The queen told the man, "And take the cat with you while I still have some patience."

"Dully noted." The two said while Umbrella snickered.

Going into his office, Naruto managed some files and gave some orders to the other Black Egrets. Patrols kept the city safe and crime had plummeted after the Skull Heart incident. Not to say it was all smiles and a lot of sunshine, but they worked to keep it that way. Every time trouble started, he was there to solve it, easily winning the title of strongest man alive.

Currently, a soldier was giving his report, "...and so far the remaining people who have been loyal to the Medici are becoming a smaller number. If you ask me, I'd say that family's done."

"Let's make sure no other organization like that comes across." He replied, "So long as there's a seat of power, many will try to take it. A sad truth, but it's why we're working to keep this peace."

"Yessir." The man saluted him, "We'll keep sweeping the area, but so far no syndicate's strong enough to come close to the Medici. Thanks to you."

"I know, but I'd like to be at ease." The blond replied with a tired grin, and once the soldier was gone he sighed, "Ok, need a break. Let's meet the doctor."

"Goodie..." Nadia groaned, letting her severed head fall on a stack of paperwork.

A quick drive later to the lab, and they found Big Band surrounded by children taken care of by the doctor's assistants.

"Hey Naruto, you still treating Peacock well?" the one-man-band asked.

"I remember you telling me what you'd bend if I didn't." he retorted.

"Good to see common courtesy is not easily forgotten." The man chortled, though the blond knew he'd be good on his word.

As he walked in, Naruto found a tired looking maid, "Marie."

A gasp escaped a red-eyed, gray-haired woman in a traditional maid outfit with a single lone ponytail. She then gave him a warm smile, "I hoped you'd be here."

"How are you doing?" he asked, noting a wheelchair behind her.

"Rehabilitation is still needed, but compared to what happened, I am glad to be alive." She smiled, "And while I owe you a lot, be afraid once I'm fully able again. Break Patricia's heart, and you'll wish that flaming skull devoured your soul. Even if you had retained its powers."

"And be its puppet, not hanks. Although I'll keep what parts of me you'll break in mind." He replied with a weak grin, "Speaking of Peacock, is she-"

"Bombs away, hubby!" Half a second later, and Naruto had cut three pies in half, Nadia grabbing one of the slices to eat it. Peacock appeared, groaning, "Oh come on, let either your best wife or son get some joy! Covering you in pie is our life-long dream!"

"And mine's to see you happy." He said and kissed her on the lips, getting her to blush.

"Oh fine, you win this round..." she mumbled with half-lidded eyes.

"So, how's the doctor?" he asked.

"Doing well for his age." The man said, moving forward in an electric wheelchair, "I may be too old to walk, but these hands of mine can still heal others."

"Anything new to report?" he asked.

"Other than Carol's monthly checkup, there's not much happening." He replied, a grin on his face, "Thanks to your work."

"I'd say thanks to yours too, doctor. Speaking of Carol, how is she?" his answer was a finger aimed at a scar-faced woman surrounded by children.

They had obviously gone to a garden, everyone had flowers and were making flower crowns. Carol wore a simple white dress, and many of the kids showed their handiwork at her, desiring praise she gave equally. It was a sight that brought a smile to Naruto's face. Filia easily grew worried for Carol after the Painwheel incident, so seeing her live happily was one good way to put her at ease.

"Miss Carol, look at mine! Look, look!"

"Miss Carol, let's play tag."

"Sure." the former tortured girl said with an odd but genuine grin, letting the children guide her.

After sorting everything out, Naruto left. Nadia decided to go and see Minette and grab a bite to eat while being at it.

The blond went to the prison, going to see two people through a glass window and speak to them through a phone.

"Again? I can't tell if you're a charity worker or lonely." Valentine said bitterly in her orange jumpsuit, sporting two eyes instead of one.

Double, in her nun form but dressed in the same outfit, hissed, "Why do you even bother?"

"What you two did was abhorrent at best, but I understand why one of you did it and Eliza gave me some details."

"Do not say her name before me." the shapeshifter hissed, "You, who used all that power to trap me in this form..."

"You said you lost two daughters, I may not fully know the details, but I don't want to think you two were fully evil." He leaned back, "Which is why, like it or not, I'll come here as many times as needed to help. If it were up to my wives, I'd let you rot, but even Carol wants to see justice done."

"That foolish girl got too soft because of you." She moved a hand to her new eye, "But you gave me this eye, so, I know you'll wait until our time is up here."

Double glared at him, "With all that power, and you help us before getting rid of it... You were a god, you could have erased us."

He looked her in the eye, speaking firmly, "I decided to live life how I wanted. You two did that, but took that freedom from others when harming them. The reasons you did so is what made me let you live. The Trinity played with and destroyed lives. Had I become like them, I'd have been sickened."

"Fool... Just...how can you go on like such a fool?" the former shapeshifter asked.

"Why not make an effort to change for the best and find out?" he retorted with a smile.

Valentine smiled back, "We'll see. You are quite an interesting fool waiting to see us rehabilitated."

"Thank Carol." He replied, "Had it been up to anyone else, you'd be rotting here. She has her life back, whatever moved her to try to find one for you is anyone's guess."

"I...I will do so..." Valentine said sadly, "Thank her, I mean."

Double remained silent, but didn't show any more hostility towards him.

Later that day, Cerebella was preparing herself for her show, Ace walking on a practice tightrope only three feet off the ground.

Feng, still lean but cute, approached her friend, "So, I've been meaning to ask... And no offense, but, your husband..."

"No more girls." Her green-haired friend said with a winking smile.

"Ugh, not that." The petite woman grunted, "I'm just curious... Three wives, you being one of them, how do you all know he's not, well, cheating?"

"Oh, you just know." Cerebella replied with a blush, looking at her daughter before whispering, "Like, when it's a long day at work, he's just... like a beast."

Feng blushed, connecting the dots, but wanting to know more, "H-How so?"

"One time he was out on a mission for a week, and when he returned, oh..." the red on Cerebella's face said the memory was quite vivid, "The heat was on. As soon as he saw Filia, he was kissing her hungrily. I was jealous at first, but as he walked in, he grabbed me and just kept going. Before we knew it, our clothes were on the steps... We... We didn't make it to the bedroom, we were moaning on the stairs."

"Oh my!" Feng's face was redder than her shirt.

"Peacock arrived not much later, she had taken the kids to a friend's house, and as soon as she entered the bedroom it was a good rest for Filia and me... He..." the green-head blushed, twirling her finger around a bang of her hair, "He can go for a long time, even without being in the mood. We were spent, and Peacock was melting as we barely got our breath back... We didn't sleep at all that night."

"So, that's him pent up?" Feng asked, steam pouring out of her body.

"Yes, and even when not, he can do some things no man could, like-"

"What's pent up mean?"

"Ah!" both yelped when looking at Ace's cutely asking face. Cerebella began talking fast, trying to come up with an excuse, "N-Nothing, sweetie, get ready for the show, daddy will be here soon to cheer you on along your brothers and other mommies!"

"Ok, I'll do my best!" the small acrobat cheered.

A quick sigh of relief after she left.

"So..." Feng started.

"We can talk later." The acrobat replied, "If you want information, Filia's writing novels... And yes, she takes inspiration from him."

"T-Tell me when she gets them published!"

Sure enough, Filia had taken to writing thanks to her adventures, taking some obvious inspiration as well as adding spicy scenes thanks to her husband. Needless to say, it was a hit, especially with women.

The Cirque had changed in the years since the Medici Mafia's collapse. No longer a front for finding talent for the mafia assassins, it became a true and blue performance. Helped in part by Feng's diligent scouting for talent, the performance had changed and for the better.

Doing away with the former members of the Cirque, and focusing on those who wished to use their abilities for the joy of others, it was far and away a different sight from its former state of affairs.

Feng flipped several times up and over into the circus ring, clad in an expensive suit and tux, with a top hat clutched in her hands, the young woman shouted to the crowd, making everyone cheer.

"Roll up, come one, come all! To the greatest show in the Canopy Kingdom! We've got capricious clowns, whirling acrobats, dancing jugglers, and the best and brightest performers you've ever seen! First and foremost, we're proud to present to you all our newest member and walking one-man orchestra! Everyone give it up for the man who's got more brass than any of you handsome hunks in the audience together!"

Peacock gained a gigantic toothy grin, holding her son in her hands, "There he is sonny boy! There's the old orchestra himself!" she said to Avian who clapped eagerly, his mother holding him in her gloved mitts.

Walking out into the scene, with his long trench coat colored a bright golden, was Big Band. The man held out his hands, morphing them into a trumpet, which he played along with several stringed instruments combining to form a one-man concert. Everyone clapped and enjoyed the display as the man was soon lifted by Viceversa, Cerebella riding a monocycle as the large sax man played.

And as the music pumped up everyone, Naruto grinned, "Here she comes!" he pointed at the tightrope as soon as the spotlight did.

"I-I can't watch!" Filia squeaked at his side, covering her eyes.

"How many times has she watched her do this?" Samson asked while munching on popcorn.

"Mom, you worry too much, Ace, Avian and I do this all the time." Caroline replied, stretching and using her own hair to lift herself to look better at Ace.

"I h-have to worry, I'm a mom, aren't I?" the parasite user pouted at her cheering child.

"Oh, sis is getting better!" Caroline marveled at what she saw.

Said tiny acrobat was effortlessly juggling anchors. Yes, the same object boats use to not get carried by the water's current. Despite not having Viceversa, she had her father's strength.

Avian grinned, "Eh, of course she does, she asked me to help her by throwing stuff at her so she can dodge and juggle. Really helps my aim."

Naruto ruffled his son's hair, "And you still can't hit your old man."

"Them's fighting words, Sweet Cheeks." Peacock replied, a grin on her face as she whispered the last part.

"Hello sweetie!" Cerebella waved, winking at him as she jumped into the stands and bounced off with little effort to kiss him.

"Well, this is awkward." Big Bang commented.

"Hey, you got work to do!" Feng shouted.

"And I claim the next kiss!" Peacock argued, grabbing her husband's arm.

"H-Hey, I haven't gotten one since this morning!" Filia pouted cutely, grabbing the other.

"Come on, the show's..." he tried to argue, but Cerebella wrapped her arms around his neck, hugging his face into her bosom.

"Fine!" all three shouted as Cerebella dropped Big Band.

Naruto was let go as his three wives jumped into the arena, all three glaring – Peacock grinning – at one another. Cerebella rolled her shoulders as Viceversa cracked its knuckles, Filia had her hair morph into large blades, and Peacock loaded her revolver, using it as a lighter for her cigar. Their poor husband extended a hand to them, but lowered it as he gave up.

"This is gonna be a long night..." he sighed.

Feng chuckled awkwardly into the microphone, "I-It seems we've jumped into our next number. Ladies and gentlemen, it's showtime!"

Big Band patted the blond man's shoulder, "So... I'll take care of the kids while you work this out with them."

"Give me two or three days, with some luck." Naruto replied as he looked at his children. Ace had stopped juggling, carrying all three anchors in one arm while her free hand rubbed her forehead, which Avian and Caroline mimicked. At least they didn't know their dad would have a long weekend bound to his bed to try to calm their mothers down after their fight.

Despite their antics, they still loved their mothers and father.

Everyone had gotten a better ending than they could've expected thanks to one Uzumaki Naruto.

None would change that.

 **FIN**

And that's my rap!

Thank you all for your patience and love for this. I had a lot of fun, and while some of you may not enjoy some bits, I am glad that many of you liked it regardless of my madness. Now a few words with the brother from another mother who helped me with this, The Lord Of Pages.

 _ **Beta's Notes:**_ Well this story has been a long time in being ended, but we're glad to finally see it over and done with. And yes, Naruto did use a loophole to beat the Trinity, and yes, it was a bit of an asspull. But overall, I think we did our best, and we didn't want to pad out the final chapter with a gigantic epic fight scene. That's what I'm planning to do for my own Skullgirls crossover. If you loved this story, be on the look for my own crossover, The Swingin' Detective, to be posted in its entirety sometime sooner or later. A little shameless plug but I'm allowed it I think since I helped motivate my partner in crime to finish this story. Anyways, we're happy to see it over, and we're happier that you all loved it.

Swordslinger out!


End file.
